Not sure how to feel....turned down Duke for U of M

Colleges and Universities A-Z Duke University
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<p>I posted this in the UMich forum, but am putting it here as well to see what you guys think.</p>

<p>So essentially, after some pressure from mom, etc, I have decided to go to U of M. They originally gave me a 20k/year engineering scholarship (I'm out of state), and the executive director of student affairs arranged for my mother and I to fly up there (for free, kinda surprised me). She told me that she really wanted me at U of M and asked what she could do to get me to go there...my mom said maybe another 6 or 7k/year. The director said she will see what she can do and get back to me next week. (we talked to her last Friday). Yesterday (Tuesday), she emailed me saying...the College of Engineering (where I was accepted) was going to give me another 6k/year (as my mom had asked). So, we're getting a total of 26k/year (total for out of state is like 42/45ish?</p>

<p>As for Duke, they originally wanted us to pay for full price (like 50k/year). I sent my FA counselor an email saying we had a circumstance (stepfather's business was sold last year, it was added to our income making it really high). She replied back 9 days later (yes I hate to admit it....) saying that after consulting the director, they want documentation of the sale of the business in 2007 (the one my stepdad owned). So, we sent that around 4 days later...this Monday, we faxed it. Then I emailed her asking if she received it or not. Then, yesterday (after finding out U of M was giving me the extra 6k/year), I emailed the Duke lady and asked how long it would take for me to find out, since I was holding out on a scholarship from another school. She replied back today saying it would take 5-7 business days to get back with me on a final answer (she said this earlier in the previous email when she said that they wanted official documentation). Then an hour or two later, she replies saying that in light of the last email, they actually did not receive the documentation that my mother faxed to them.</p>

<p>This kind of ticked my mom off...because she really just wanted me to accept U of M's offer and she thought I was being arrogant by pushing off U of M and basically begging / waiting for Duke to give me money. Anyways, our family income was > 100k anyways (even if the business was not sold) but I just had hope they would give something. Even if they wouldn't match or get close to U of M, then I could finally just let it rest and accept that Duke wouldn't give me money. </p>

<p>My mom was already ****ed yesterday, but she kinda calmed down. After the Duke emails today, she started telling me that U of M might take their scholarship away if I take too long, etc. Anyways, she somehow convinced me and I wrote Duke Financial Aid an email saying I was not going to accept their offer of admission and I was disappointed in how long their admissions would take....</p>

<p>So now I feel a bit relieved, but also somewhat confused because I guess I turned down my #1 choice Duke, but U of M definitely isn't a bad alternative (still trying hard to convince myself of that lol).</p>

<p>Anyways, what do you guys think? I am in a complete mess in my head right now, but I am prbly going to pay my enrollment deposit tonight. Sorry for the whole story/long rant, just needed to get all this out...</p>

<p>I really hope I have made the right decision.</p>

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<p>Umich is awesome! it's definitely comparable to duke. plus they're giving you a LOT of money--I think you made a great decision. If only I had such a choice like you.</p>

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<p>Probably no matter what you will do you will wonder what if...emabrace your decision and move on.</p>

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<p>I think you are doing A Good Thing, that U of M did a really good job working with you and doing what it could to get you there, and that I am going to go for a walk to our financial aid office tomorrow with a somewhat redacted version of this and ask why the h e double hockey sticks they dropped the ball and lost us a fine student :-D</p>

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<p>Predator-</p>

<p>Your decision was a difficult one because you had 2 such great choices. Either school would have been a good choice.</p>

<p>We live in Michigan. I attended UMich, as did several family members. S was accepted to UM engineering in a prior year and also received a very nice scholarship. He ended up choosing Duke. He is not the least bit sorry, but I can see in retrospect that, in some ways, UMich might have been a better choice. </p>

<p>Don't look back. UMich is a great place to be. Take advantage of the many opportunities it will afford!</p>

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<p>So right now you might feel crappy about this. Over the summer you might feel crappy about your decision. Then you'll get the course catalog for UMich, you'll get your housing stuff, you'll get your classes, you'll start getting excited because, after all, you're going to college. You might think, "but it isn't Duke - if it were Duke, it'd be so much better!" Then next fall you'll go to the UMich campus, you'll meet your roommate, your hallmates, the people you'll call amazing friends after just a few months. You'll go to your classes, you'll get immersed in your schoolwork and in campus life. You'll meet people who are so amazing in ways you've never even dreamed of, you'll have opportunities you never expected. In May 2009 you'll look back on what happened now and wonder how you could ever have felt so bad about deciding to go to UMich. Personally, I think if someone keeps an open mind, that person will end up absolutely, perfectly happy wherever they go. Sure you might feel upset now, but in a year when you've made amazing friends and are perfectly at home at UMich? You'll be happy. Personally, I think you did the right thing. Good luck, you'll be fine! :)</p>

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<p>Senator Noodles, thank you for the kind advice. I looked up some of your old posts, it seems you are a BME major at Duke, which was exactly what I wanted to do as well. I guess I will get over it...I will be questioning myself for a while about how Duke might've been different/better.</p>

<p>One other thing was this girl at my school who I happened to like is going to Duke (full ride- playing volleyball for them, kinda ****es me off lol). So I'll always be thinkin like "I wonder what she is experiencing right now."</p>

<p>Gahh.</p>

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<p>UMich is a great place for college. You are going to have an awesome time
there! :)</p>

<p>My advice would be to focus on enjoying college and not spend the semester thinking 'what if I was somewhere else'. I wasted a whole semester doing that myself but this semester has convinced me that there is no other place I would rather be for college than Duke. Hopefully, you will feel the same at UMich.</p>

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<p>We do, of course, reserve the right to make jokes about the weather next January 18th or so. Other than that, nothing but good wishes :-D</p>

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<p>Honestly, once college starts I think you world will be rocked enough, and you'll be having enough fun that idly daydreaming about a different college will not be an issue.</p>

<p>Really good advice too, Senator Noodles.</p>

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<p>UMich is a great school and their engineering is top notch. They also seemed to really want you and gave you an incredible offer. Don't look back and don't have any regrets. Embrace Michigan and your experience will be great. </p>

<p>The difference in prestige is not that grave to make much an impact in the large scheme of things - it will probably be slightly easier to maintain a high GPA at UMich anyways. It's more about you. And going to game at Michigan Stadium is awesome! (I went to the Rose Bowl in '98 when they were national champs as well as having attended at least five games at Michigan Stadium) Although a basketball game in Cameron is even better ;) Sorry couldn't resist. I'm also BME, and Michigan was a close second behind Duke for me. </p>

<p>You made a wise decision and you'll be happy at Michigan. Just don't live on North Campus freshman year (but you might not have a choice). You'll spend enough time in classes there! :)</p>

<p>Oh, and eat at Zingerman's a lot. And do research. And try to survive Ann Arbor winters.</p>

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<p>Traying! Go traying in the Arb in the winter.</p>

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<p>UMich was a choice for S1, as well! You will find lots of kids who have similar interests, and will be very much like the kids you would have met at Duke. You will have a great time, especially during football season, and will have many activities available to you--we loved our visit there! Ann Arbor is a better college town than Durham--so enjoy that, too!!</p>

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<p>I posted this in the UMich forum, but I thought I'd do it there as well...</p>

<p>Ok, I think I am mailing in the deposit today. Argh...feels like a new chapter in my life is beginning.</p>

<p>So, just to do one final overview...</p>

<p>Duke is giving me 13k/year for this year (but I'm not even sure if that will stay constant). Duke costs about 50k/year.</p>

<p>Michigan is giving me 26k/year for 4 years guaranteed, and it costs about 45k/year.</p>

<p>So, to go to Michigan, I would have to pay about...21x4 = 84k$ over 4 years, and my parents have about 40 saved up, so I would have to take a loan for about 40.</p>

<p>If I went to Duke, I would have to pay about...37x4 = 148k over 4 years, and my parents have the 40 saved up, so I would have to take out a loan for about 108 grand. And that's only if the need from Duke remains the same over 4 years (which I cannot be fully sure about).</p>

<p>Last of all, I am likely going to medical school after undergraduate...so I am thinking the loan of 100k to go to Duke will not be a good thing to have?</p>

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<p>You are thinking right - the $108,000 debt at Duke would be a very bad thing to have. And remember if you are capitalizing the interest (not paying the interest as you go along but adding it to the loan which means you are paying interest on the interest) then, assuming an 8% interest rate, by the time you graduate the loan will have grown to @ $131,000. And if you go to medical school (if you can even afford to with such a debt already hanging over you) and continue to defer the loan it will grow to @ $179,000 by the time you have done 4 years of medical school. And t*hat does not include the additional debt you will take on to go to medical school. *</p>

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<p>It sucks to have to make a college decision based on finances when you are an 18-year-old who has worked really hard to be able to go to your top choice school but trust me, you will be okay. If you got into Duke and got those scholarships at UMich you will likely be a top student there and will have little problem rising to the top of your class. Once you are there, you will find that there won't be anything holding you back from doing whatever you want (whether it's med school, wall street, or whatever) because UMich is a great school and people know that around the world. Sure, you are right that there are differences between UMich and Duke but UMich has tons of great students you will get to know and amazing resources you'll get to exploit. Start thinking about that and get excited for four years at an amazing school. Don't look back!</p>

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<p>Well - definitely look back. Then let out a barbaric yawp that you really did make a great decision :)</p>

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<p>incollege88, thank you! I am actually 17 though haha...I turn 18 this November, I am young for my grade.</p>

<p>I am so impressed with the responses I'm getting in the Duke forum. Makes me feel even more proud that I got in at least! :)</p>

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<p>Predator:</p>

<p>Michigan is among the very best of the public universities. And, they want you big time. Duke is a good school, and they'd be happy to have you attend but not enough to sweeten the deal -- they've got plenty of others on the waitlist who mean the same to them as do you.</p>

<p>Also, I know it's hard, but try not to get caught up in the rankings and reputation/prestige thing. Repeat after me, "The rankings are only a guide. The rankings are only a guide. The only ranking that really means anything is how I would rank them if I didn't already know how they were ranked." The overall difference in quality of education, if there actually is any, between the Top 20, or Top 50, or Top 100, etc. is neglible, if not nonexistent.</p>

<p>The financial considerations are also huge. I was surprised when you said OOS at Michigan was in the mid $40s -- that sounded high for a public. I thought my son's OOS at William & Mary of about $35K for T&F + R&B this year was high for a public, but I checked out Michigan and it's about $39.5 for T&F + R&B. I also checked out UNC (about $30K), UVa (about $35K). I generally leave all the other expenses out when doing comparisons as I've found many schools have very different ways of calculating books, travel, and personal expenses, which muddies the comparison. So, in fairness to Duke, it is "only" $45.5K for T&F + R&B. Michigan's $39.5 is fairly consistent with the other publics that are its competition - a little higher, maybe due to cost of living in Michigan(?). </p>

<p>Anyway, the cost difference between your two choices really is significant, and that significance will become more apparent to you in time. At 17, it is really hard to appreciate just how significant. </p>

<p>Now,a disclaimer: We visited Duke recently with my D, a HS junior, and were very turned off by what we have now learned from relatives who live in NC (and all went to college in California and/or Pennsylvania so have no UNC/Duke bias), is known as "the Duke Attitude." Frankly, we got the same feeling that I got from reading about your situation -- the attitude was a sort of arrogant indifference, "There are so many who want us that we don't feel like making a fuss over you." The day after we visited Duke, we visited Elon and my daughter loved it. Total opposite feeling -- they made everyone feel welcome and wanted. We're still a year away, but Elon shot to the top of her list. Duke is off the list.</p>

<p>Contrast your situation with my cousin's daughter, who is a HS senior, who has been treated by Duke (and Columbia and Notre Dame and several others) the way you were treated by Michigan (flew her down on their dime, keep throwing money at her, offering to rename a building in her honor, etc.). If you go to Duke, you pay a lot more to go there, and you are not as important to them as the top 1%, like my cousin's daughter. You go to Michigan and you are the top 1%.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>K9Leader</p>

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<p>K9Leader: >>Now,a disclaimer: We visited Duke recently with my D, a HS junior, and were very turned off by what we have now learned from relatives who live in NC (and all went to college in California and/or Pennsylvania so have no UNC/Duke bias), is known as "the Duke Attitude." Frankly, we got the same feeling that I got from reading about your situation -- the attitude was a sort of arrogant indifference, "There are so many who want us that we don't feel like making a fuss over you."<<</p>

<p>Especially for someone from outside of the state of N.C., you hit the nail on the head K9. Your N.C. friends are right. My high-achieving d didn't want to apply to Duke, much less go there, basically because of that attitude--and she's a child of an alumnus <em>and</em> a N.C. resident.</p>