<p>Here's my dilemma: I went to college last yr for a semester, dropped out due to mental problems and severe debilitating insomnia (3-5 days without going to bed at all, then 1-2 hours in between. horrible hallucinations, going on for 4.5 years now and counting. causes severe inability to function). Then after a semester off I went back determined to do the work because I have big dreams. The problem is, none of my problems got any better despite intensive outpatient therapy, various sleeping pills (herbal, OTC, and prescription), and a sleep study...but I was dumb and decided I could handle it. 2 weeks into school this yr I dropped out again, but I've been living on campus because I still have to pay rent so might as well..and I've been faking that I go here because I'm so ashamed of how everyone is so put together with school and stuff but me (so I have no real friends cause I'm lying to everyone). </p>
<p>I have 2 jobs because I'm making money to fund my travels next semester; I need to do something a bit different with my life I feel. Anyways, I'm losing it at work too. Earlier at work, I had this really weird breakdown in front of all the customers and my manager: I went to get this guy's credit card and swipe it for him and they had a tcf bank card...and I have a tcf bank card..so I started freaking out and crying about how the customer stole my credit card(but they didn't obviously my mind was just being weird and twisted the situation)and then my two friends who cook in the back calmed me down and then I realized woah how delusional was that. I made a huge scene and it was kind of scary how I freaked out over something that wasn';t even real. I'm kind of realizing that I can't handle work either. I'm falling apart completely. </p>
<p>I'm debating going home for the rest of the semester (before I go volunteering abroad) because I'm not in school and my jobs aren't going to work out...I have no real reason to be here except to continue living a lie to impress people. HOwever, home won't fix my problems....the only thing it might help is that I drink every day, a lot, and I can't/don't want to live without it. At least alcohol will be less accessible at home (I',m 18). I feel like I can't be here though but again home won't fix it. What do you think?
Oh btw sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this. I'm desperate lol</p>