My roommate and I get along just fine, but it’s been a month of school and she already got a boyfriend. We’re barely freshmen and she has this junior frat boy come over constantly.
The building policy lets guests stay a maximum of three nights in a row, but ever since they became “official,” he comes over more often. Per our roommate agreement, she tells me when he’s coming over or at least puts a sticky note on the bedroom door. We have an apartment style room so the bedroom and living are separate and they usually sleep on the futon in the couch.
My dilemma is that I sleep pretty early and wake up earlier than her and I basically only see her boyfriend in here in the mornings because she invites him over after I’m asleep or maybe just an hour before I do go to bed. So, I don’t really see them often (I’m pretty sure she invited him during those times for that purpose) but it still bugs me.
Should this be an issue or should I just deal with it? This isn’t as bad as other roommate horror stories I’ve heard so I don’t know if this is an issue at all. I understand it’s her room too, but he shouldn’t be here constantly.
You should talk to your roomie, otherwise it will just continue to fester. However, realize they are in the “honeymoon phase” of their relationship and things should cool down in a while. Suggest that she stay at his place. And important acknowledge to her that you appreciate that she has tried kept the disruption to a minimum by inviting him over late and that she is honoring you roommate agreement by telling you when he is coming over. It just feels excessive to you.
You are entitled to some privacy in your living space. Ask her to go to his place becasue you are not obligated to see a guy in your living space most mornings. She is breaking the rules. Just be relaxed in your approach: “I don’t mind if your boyfriend stays a two or three nights a week, but it’s uncomfortable to me to see him here every morning. Can you spend a few nights at his place?”
Talk to your RA about this. Right now they have figured out that is the the easiest solution for them. If you don’t like it (and you have every right not to), you have to take a stand. Ask your RA “I would like your advice on something. My roommate has a boyfriend and they have been sleeping on the couch every night. I have realized that I am not cool with a 3rd roommate. How would you suggest that I talk to her about this?”
Also think about you would be cool with…never? once a week? 3 times a week? even the 3 days in a row ?
Hey! I actually had this exact same issue with my roommate this year. I spoke with my roommate first, and told her I was uncomfortable with a guy consistently sleeping/ being in my space. We put a ‘discretion’ clause into our roommate contract which means either of us can veto at any time to people spending the night for any reason. Definitely talk to her before you go to your RA. I was able to solve my issues without needing RA intervention.
Talk to your roommate before you talk to the RA. If you go talk to the RA, the first thing the RA will ask you is if you have talked to her, and if not they will advise you go to do that first and see if you can come to a resolution.