I am currently a freshmen at UWW, and my first year so far has been very painful. Academically I did great, I acheived a 4.0 in the first semester, and I am looking at a 3.7-3.8 cumlative for the year. However socially my college life has been absoulutely miserable. I have no friends, just a couple acquaintances. I got stuck in a bad roommate situation and moved into a single room. Most of my days I spend all my time in my dorm room aside from class. Many times I get really upset that I am unable to make any friends. In High School I was a social outcast. I had no friends, and no meaning of life. I failed many courses. In H.S and barely made it into university. At University I was determined to become a different person, and for once in my life have fun. I joined several clubs, and intramrals, but I never made any friends. Whenever I spent time with people I always was forcing my way in, and I eventually gave up. I go home almost every weekend to Madsion. I applied to Madison where my 3 good and only friends from high school go, but am not sure if I will get in, but I dont know if i should take a year to try and regain some self esteem. If I get rejected do you think I should return to UWW considering my academic success? Thanks for reading this.
First and foremost you have set a priority of maintaining good academic progress, and that should be a priority for everyone paying for a college education. Good for you! You have also the right thing in trying to join clubs and intramural sports to try to get involved socially. If you have spent your life up until now feeling and being somewhat a social outcast as you describe yourself, than recreating yourself is not going to happen overnight. Being outgoing is obviously not your natural way of being so when you try to be that way it is going to feel like you are “forcing” yourself. And it is going to keep feeling that way for a while. If you really want to change your social situation then you have no choice but to keep putting yourself out there even if it feels uncomfortable. A social life won’t come and find you if you are holed up in your room. You have to decide how much you want that change, keep putting yourself out there, and be patient with successes and failures along the way.
Start with the positive: you have gone from failing classes in HS to absolutely top grades. That is a super achievement and something to be proud of.
Next, look at what your expectations of a social life: what is fun to you? Of my daughters who are in college right now, one is highly social and always has a gaggle of friends around her. She enjoys big gatherings and many kinds of social activities. Another has a small group of friends who enjoy reading, playing board games, going for the occasional hike and doing independent research in their fields of study. Both girls think that the other is slightly nuts! But the point is, they are both happy in themselves which is all that matters.
Finally, look at the contradictions in your post:
versus
As northernmom said, you can’t make friends if you are in your dorm room or back in your hometown. Take another look at the activities that you tried to join: are they ones that you actually really like (or think you would like)? If so, go back and re-join them, this time just to do the activity. If not, look for people doing something you really do like. Sharing an activity you are genuinely interested with other people will give you lots of natural ways to interact with the rest of the group.
versus
This is an important difference. The number of friends is not what makes a good social life: it’s how good the friends are. And I’m guessing it took sometime for those 3 people to become good friends.
I am not sure why you think a year away from college would help your self-esteem. You have a lot to be proud of in your academic life, and to build your social life you need to get more engaged with your new community rather than less.