<p>At the time, it was such an exciting prospect to dream that d could end up at any of the 8 wonderful campuses that we toured this past summer. Today, all the acceptances are in. And she has narrowed it down to 5 choices. I am back peddling a 100 miles an hour. I have poured over these threads for like 1.5 years and everyone's wonderful insight, hindsight, knowledge has been immeasurable to me, and I thank you all so much. Butttttttt, I don't want her to go so far away from home. Yes, there is our state school, but she would be so disappointed if she had to go there. She worked so hard to get into any of the backeast schools she go got into. She loves the mentality, people and EVERYTHING about backeast. We don't blame her one bit. But how do you even begin to let go? :~/ I am sure there are numerous empty nest threads. Yes, We still have a sophomore at home. So that is good. I try to keep a lid on my emotions...The schools she applied to out west she isn't interested in, even even though it's at least a state or two closer to home. I know, I know, thousands of parents do it every year, so I would love to hear your story, and how you fared with it all ..again, thanks:)</p>
<p>We live on the west coast and my son attends college in NE. It’s a little weird at first, but you really do adjust to the change. Really. It’s okay to feel bad about it for awhile, although for your daughter’s sake best to keep that to yourself. Feeling sad because your child is moving away is pretty basic, but it would be really selfish to put it in the category of real “loss” of the child. Knowing people that actually have lost children puts it in perspective. Celebrate your daughter’s excitement. This is about her and her heading into her independent life.</p>
<p>Besides, you’ll have somewhere fun to visit now. :)</p>
<p>I still miss my son, but really it’s also just missing a phase of family life that is behind us now. The main thing is that life is going on, for him, for my husband and me, and for our other child (also away at college, but not as far away.) Enjoy it.</p>
<p>By the way, daughters are better about staying touch as a general rule, and with phone, text, skype and real visits, you’ll be surprised how much you’re still in contact with her.</p>
<p>DD spent four years back east and has been back here for almost three years. The first year was very tough for both of us – she had a hard time at first and that was very difficult on me and was compounded by the distance. I missed hey physically – being able to see her, touch her, hug her. The second year was a lot easier and by the third year, we were in a groove. When she was here, she was really present, and when she was there she called regularly, unlike my two sons who went to college within an hour of our home. She has been back in our city (about 30 minutes away from our home) since graduating, but she is so incredibly busy with her job, that I feel like I don’t see her that much more than when she was back East. What I now know and realize is that our relationship will endure and be strong no matter where she is on the planet.</p>
<p>“I give you two things…roots to grow and wings to fly.” I have three dd. My first went to school 45 minutes away from our home in the Bay Area. D#2 (the one who was never leaving Cali, went to the University of Washington. D#3 is a freshman at the University of Michigan. I am close to my dds. I taught at their middle school and then the youngest’s high school. I never cried when we said good-bye that first time, because as I drove away to the airport both times, I realized that this was what we (their parents) wanted for our girls…the opportunity to first go to college, the opportunity for them to discover themselves and to grow. Do I miss them?..hell yes…but I get a phone call, a text, an email most days. And, they ARE HAPPY!!! At the end of the day, that’s what we wanted the most for our kids.</p>
<p>(I will say the anticipation of them leaving is far worse than the actual leaving if you really believe in your heart that this is their reward…your reward).</p>
<p>wow, getting teary eyes reading your stories, it’s helping alot:)</p>
<p>I told my daughter at the beginning of senior year that I was going to be a mess, so at least she was warned. I’m sentimental, so every little thing felt like a milestone. Ordering graduation announcements, mailing the college deposit, making potato salad for Senior Picnic, final dance recital, booking her one-way airline ticket, on and on and on. She’d catch me getting all misty-eyed about dorm furnishings, and I’d just smile through the mist and say, “It’s one of those moments.” Sometimes she’d give me a hug, sometimes she’d roll her eyes, but looking back I think it was important that I gave myself permission to feel whatever came.</p>
<p>This is a huge transition for sure, the biggest since the day you brought her home from the hospital. It’s tough at times, no doubt about it. Since you’re smart enough to be getting a head start, you might start thinking about what new things you’d like to add to your life once there’s time and space for them. </p>
<p>Have you lost touch with an old friend? Give her a call and get that relationship re-established before your D leaves. Want to re-visit an old hobby that fell by the wayside? Start browsing catalogs or websites to whet your appetite again; maybe even buy some supplies for your first project. Always wanted to volunteer a few hours at your favorite charity? Start now. Check the course catalog of your community college; next fall would be a great time to take a course in something you’ve always been interested in. If you’re married and you’re not in the habit of weekly date nights, this is a great time to start that wonderful tradition.</p>
<p>And keep posting here. The other CC parents gave me terrific support during those early months. We’ve all been through it and survived!</p>
<p>The first time since knowing that she will be in College far from home. </p>
<p>we will be in India while she attends college in the NE. I have a 10 grader yet, D2, but this is huge - never expected this to happen. always thought that she would graduate in india and back to the US for Masters,since moving back to India 7 years ago. </p>
<p>someone said this is the biggest moment since bringing her home from the hospital and I agree. for seven months during this process (we had a late start), I have focussed on the matters at hand and not allowed myself to think of what will be. </p>
<p>but now that the decisions are in, I am increasingly sad. Not sure about what, because she is beautiful smart level headed and i think i have taught her everything i can possibly teach. </p>
<p>The rest is upto the divine!!</p>
<p>Thank you for the wonderful posts…</p>
<p>a</p>
<p>It might help if you could pinpoint your biggest fears/worries/??? You will miss your daughter like crazy whether she’s one hour or 20 hours away. Is it how often you’ll get to see her? Can you pre-plan what the visit schedule might look like? I see DS#1 for parents weekend at his school every fall, at home for Thanksgiving, over semester break, for <part of=“”> spring break, I usually do one spring weekend at his school, and then to pick him up at the end of spring semester. I’m not sure that’d be much different if he were closer. Is it that it’d be difficult to get to her if something happened? One of my worst 24-48 hour periods was about two weeks into freshman year when DS got really really sick. (Not even enough time to make friends–who was going to check up on him/care/???) But he survived (and so did I–with a lot of support from a CC thread I started at the time). At some point you have to trust your child/the school to deal with these things. </part></p>
<p>Can you try to separate the misery we all go through just because she’s leaving from the <possible> distance issue? You will go through a carton of kleenex the rest of this school year/this summer/a good bit of next year. But it’s good to remember that this is a really good reason to miss your daughter. She’s not going to Libya. She’s not going to jail. Be proud of all she’s accomplished to put herself in this wonderful position. (But keep the kleenex handy.)</possible></p>
<p>again, thank you all, each of your posts touched me in someway:)</p>
<p>
I was very sad to see my oldest go, he was such a great kid and a pleasure to be around. We did adjust with time. The nice thing was the new bond I made with my middle son. He was now “the oldest” and assumed a lot of responsibilities he always let his brother take care of. It was really good for him. We also had a lot of fun putting care packages together and making special plans for when S came home. The holidays were even more fun.</p>
<p>Good luck, you’ll be fine. I think I would be more worried if you weren’t feeling this sense of loss, it a good indicator of a really nice relationship.</p>
<p>I’m in the samr boat with my daughter. I cried when the senior portrait from came in mail. She want to go 12 hous away. I can’t imagine her going that far and I’m already crying. She got into a very good but very expensive school an hour away and I’m almost hating my husband right now because he says we can’t afford it…I want to go into debt just to keep her close…</p>
<p>Funny - H is the basket case at our house…for now :-)</p>
<p>S is only an hour away, but D is looking at 5 (still better than the 10+s, I know!). I’m doing pretty good with it right now, but as soon as H starts thinking/talking about it he tears up!</p>
<p>We’re in Texas and my oldest is in his first year in DC, so I feel your pain! What was odd was that the anticipation of the pain was worse then the actual parting! I spent all of his senior year doing the “it’s the last this or that” thing and tearing up. Biggest mistake I made last summer was watcing Toy Story 3 the month before he left!!! But apparently I got most of it out before he left, and it hasn’t been so bad. Thank heavens for Skype and texting!!</p>
<p>Toy Story 3 got me too!!! It will be a transition whether they are an hour away or 10 hours away, but not being able to get to them quickly in an emergency scares me too. I know it is for the best, and I have to let go, but I have a feeling I will need more than one box of tissues.</p>
<p>It’s wonderful to have such a close relationship with our kids that we miss them so terribly when they leave. You can start letting go by actually letting go of some things now. Does your D share with you a lot of what happened in her day-to-day life? You can still listen, but don’t be the one to prompt it. Look for where you find yourself somewhat dependent on her for excitement–her activities, her relationships, her achievements. I’m not suggesting you pull back in all areas, just recognize what will change next year so you can be prepared. And by all means, have some activities planned for yourself, especially right after she leaves. LasMa gave you some great ideas. Do you have friends in the same boat? Get together with them and share what you know (or don’t) about your kids’ experiences. One friend of ours had a care package party, where each mom brought x number of the same thing for all the care packages to be sent. </p>
<p>My D leaves for college far away in the fall too, but last August, we put her on a plane leaving the country for foreign exchange. H asked her how she felt about missing her senior year. Her reply was she wasn’t missing it, just spending it somewhere else. On the other hand, we’ve missed out on her senior year. Between that and the numerous challenges she’s had, I’ve had a few pity parties. I’m thinking this August will be much easier! :)<br>
I wish you the best.</p>
<p>I’m with kerrbo; husband is definitely going to be the basket case in our house…he’s already moping…</p>
<p>Look at your calendars for Fall semester though; lots of opportunities for visits/breaks…we already figured that it will only run 4 weeks without one of the above…</p>
<p>S1 is 1500 miles away in his JR year; S2 will either be 800 or 2200 miles away. It was a bit rocky when S1 left, and I still miss him being around. We’ll see how it goes with the empty nest.</p>
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<p>apply2school, it’s completely normal to feel ambivalent about this; I’d worry if you didn’t feel that way. There’s something about seeing your baby’s college acceptance letter that makes it all very real all of a sudden. I think there’s also an element of letdown. You and your student have worked and planned and dreamed and stressed about this moment for years, and now suddenly, it’s DONE. I remember wondering what I’d think about now that the college decision was made. (Don’t worry – you’ll soon be stressing over shopping lists, and after that, care packages! :p)</p>
<p>BTW, students feel this ambivalence too. Excitement and fear are a potent combination in a 17-year-old, so be prepared for an occasional emotional storm in the coming months, and recognize that that’s normal too.</p>
<p>Thank you very much LasMa!
comforting words - ones that have been in my head as well - but kind of struggling with all the emotions now…
this is a great thread though - families, motherhood, fatherhood, the same everywhere.</p>
<p>I remember feeling this way 4 years ago when son chose his school, a 12 hour drive away. He gets ready to graduate next month and honestly, I don’t know where the 4 years have gone. The first month was the hardest, but he loved his school and made a great group of friends. His school has given him wonderful opportunities that he would not have had if he had stayed closer. We planned a trip down each fall for a football game, he came home for Thanksgiving and Christmas of course, and before we knew it it was May and he was home again. School has daily emails that you could sign up for that gave campus news and just seeing that in my inbox, made me feel better. The first year, I did subscribe to campus newspaper also. Although it arrived a week behind, it was another way to stay in touch. Son was very good about calling or texting a few times each week and after a few weeks it really did get easier. We will be going through this again in August when daughter will attend college a 14 hour drive away. Son will be back home though, so the nest won’t be empty yet!</p>