This is what my gradmother, my mom, etc did. Their origin middle name disappeared.
I kept my maiden name. The only time it turned out to be an issue (minor) was when S1 was being admitted to the hospital to have his tonsils out. The person asked for my name, then DH’s name. When she realized they were different, she asked “Who has custody?” I just said, “We both do.” I didn’t realize until later that she assumed we were divorced.
Me too. My sister was 36 and a physician for 6 years before she got married. She immediately took her husband’s name. 
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As a mom with sole custody and a different last name than my kiddo (his last name was his father’s last name) I always travelled internationally with a notarized copy of my divorce decree. I was never asked for it, but I took it with me along with our passports, just in case.
My son’s middle name was my last name, and when he turned 18 he opted to drop his original last name and change his name legally to make my last name his last name as well. (To be clear, this wasn’t something I encouraged or told him to do - this was something that he instigated.). Example: “John Maple Oak” was shortened to “John Maple.”
The only moment that gave pause was that his high school transcript and test scores were under his original last name, yet he had introduced himself to admissions reps and corresponded with them using his (then) middle name as his last name, which was how he had introduced himself socially for about 2-3 years at that point. He just hadn’t really thought about the fact that those records were under his legal name.
Thankfully in this day and age, a simple heads up email to the reps that this was his preferred name, and that they’d be receiving the materials under his legal name were received warmly and it was a moot point (and then sending a PDF of the notarized name change was an easy thing to do before he enrolled).
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2 daughters dropped their Dad’s name entirely and use their birth first and middle and their husband’s last. (however, their middle names are family last names). One daughter kept her birth name including Dad’s last name. I am officially first, my maiden name, and my husband’s name. My original middle was a family name that I never really liked. I tried so hard to be “3 names no hyphen” but it was hard and after the third kid I stopped fighting for a lot of things. However, if I ever do write that book, it will be in my birth name!
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Very similar situation to me. Unique Italian surname that I love and did not want to give up for a somewhat common Irish last name, especially b/c my first name is Irish (I strongly identify with my Italian side). When I got married, I dropped my given middle name and on the paperwork for my new SS card, I did the same as you - First Name, Birth Surname as my middle name and Dh’s surname as my new Last Name. I’ve never regretted it. There are no males to carry on my family surname (my brother has daughters and my uncle has three daughters). There is only one other family in the US with the same last name, not related to us except maybe somehow back in Italy (my grandfather was the only one in his family to emigrate from a small mountain/farming town on an island).
My first born is a daughter and her middle name is my surname. She is getting married next month and is taking her husband’s common surname. I have not asked but unlike me, assume she will keep her middle name/my surname to carry on our Italian heritage. Funny thing is her initials will now be MMM and the three names have many of the same letters! It will be a mouthful.
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I don’t use my middle name but a few of my college friends called me by both my first and middle names (because there were several of us with the same first name), so they still call me that.
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ShawWife kept her name and at times says she wishes she had changed it. She has a name that is misspelled at least 90% of the time and it is not short so she often has to spell if for people more than once because it is very similar to another much more common name. My name is short (three letters) and when she signs edition prints, she wishes she had changed it.
We definitely had notarized documents when she traveled abroad with the kids (who have my last name). When ShawSon attended a boys school, they spent time teaching the boys how to speak politely and we thought it was hilarious when one of the boys said, “Thank you, Mrs. … Mrs. ShawSon’s Mom.” There are occasional issues that arise where we have to document that we are married. But all in all, it never was a major inconvenience other than border crossings with kids.
ShawSon’s wife has changed her name (I think legally as she is definitely using it) as hers is one that is mispelled at least 100% of the time (it might require two or three spellings for people to get it right).
Interesting. Our kid has the wife’s last name. It never occurred to us to have notarized documents when traveling. And we didn’t have any trouble.
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Right. But when the parent’s name is different than the kids, immigration folks ask. In going to Canada, the immigration folks wanted me to have a notarized letter as well even though we shared the same last name – they don’t want one parent to take the kid across borders against the will of the other parent.
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I am saying we never had anyone ask. The kid traveled more with me than the spouse. Different last names.
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I changed my name when I got married. I do go by Ms. though because I think it is dumb that women are identified by marital status and men aren’t.
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Neither of my DILs changed their names. Since I didn’t either, it feels normal to me.
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Same here. The kids traveled with me a lot and both have H’s last name, rather than mine. And no one ever asked us for documentation. Perhaps we got lucky ??
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One of mine officially changed her name. She went back and forth as she liked her maiden last name. She worked at a job that took her to the courthouse several times a week so it was easy. My other daughter uses both names but hasn’t officially changed it. She got married during Covid and just hasn’t taken the time to do it. Her child has her husband’s last name and the middle name is her maiden name. My other daughter also gave her child her maiden name as a middle name. My daughter-in-law is going to change her name but hasn’t done it yet. Her maiden name is already hyphenated.
When I was a kid my parents divorced and my Mom took the last name of her new husband. I hated having to constantly explain to school officials and Girl Scout leaders who this person was signing my permission slips. It was doubly confusing as my mom went by a short version of her first name that could also be considered a male.
My daughter flies Southwest with her daughter and has been asked on several occasions for the birth certificate.
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Neither girl changed her name. When you have a list of publications and your graduate degrees in one name, changing that name can create issues. Some places ask to provide documentation of the change. It was a problem for me when I changed my name… but I got married early and then I got more publications and new credentials under my new name. 
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It maybe cool until you run into legal problems. Now imagine situation: grandpa has one last name, his wife another, their 2 adult married dauhghters 2 more different and there are some minor problems with spelling differences in some original documents (birth certificates) that were translated into English. Good luck to prove your relationships for any legal transactions.
I have known several folks who did something like this. One couple kept their birth last names, but gave their kids a combined version of their names (not hyphenated). Think Maple and Cedar merge into Mapdar.
Another couple took a common 3 letter word as a last name for their family. I think it was the dad’s grandma’s last name.
Another couple made up a new last name for their family. They are kinda hippie and it’s a sweet lovely groovy name. Their kids are all named nature things too. Think “Juniper Lovekind”.
I know another person who changed her last name to a tree. I think she didn’t want to be part of the patriarchy of male last names being handed down, but I think she has an okay relationship with her dad. I can’t remember what she said when she announced it.
I did take my husband’s last name. It’s weird because his mom has the same first name as I do, so I almost always include my birth last name as my middle name. That is my legal name. So whenever I sign something or on Facebook or whatever I am all three names so no one confuses me with my MIL.
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We know a couple who combined the first syllable of the husband’s (two syllable) last name with the second syllable of the (two syllable) wife’s last name to create a new last name.
I don’t recall gay couples (male or female) changing last names, but my sample size is relatively small. Is name-changing less common in gay marriages? If they have kids, they’d have exactly the same issues vis-a-vis names as a heterosexual couple.
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That’s odd. I kept my name and have flown a few times alone with my kids (who have my husband’s last name), mostly on Southwest, and no one has ever said anything. I wonder what explains the inconsistency?
The only time our different names have ever been an issue was right after we got married, and we wanted to join a gym with a family membership. The gym manager asked to see our marriage license as proof that we were married and eligible for the lower rate. That was over 20 years ago, and since then we’ve had no problems. Teachers, who surely are used to all kinds of combinations of names in their students’ families, have never expressed any confusion.
The decision to keep my name was never really a decision – I was never going to change my name. I didn’t have to think about it. When I gently corrected a family friend who insisted on addressing mail to me using my husband’s last name, she asked, “But how will anyone know you’re married?” And I responded, “The same way they’ll know (husband) is married, I guess.” I never wanted it to be the first thing anyone knew about me.
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