<p>I would really appreciate some advice/editing :) If you need help with yours, let me know and I'll be happy to edit yours as well.</p>
<p>I really, REALLY love how you opened up your “Why NYU” essay. However, I feel like you rush a little to discuss specifics about the school at the very end. I would cut down the paragraph and elaborate a little more on the second to better deomnstrate your interest in NYU specifically. </p>
<p>As for the second essay…</p>
<p>“However, the superficial face of business life soon evaporated from my mind and was replaced with a feeling of fulfillment and pride.”<<I think there might be a better way to phrase this without using passive voice. </p>
<p>I also think that you can talk a little more about not only WHAT you did as part of the student-run business, but WHY you did it. What drives you, and how does that relate to what you want to do at NYU?</p>
<p>Third one…
I think this is my least favorite, because the details you fling at the reader overwhelms your own voice. The gist of it to me is “I saw this, this is what it is, and I felt this way.” I think this prompt gives this essay the opportunity to be the most dynamic of the three. Try to take advantage of that. Let the reader get to know more about you. </p>
<p>Overall you are a pretty strong writer and seem to be an interesting person. I don’t recommend posting your great essays publically like this, though. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>1) I wouldn’t make your essay public</p>
<p>2) Send me a PM, I went to NYU for my freshman year.</p>
<p>Sure, if you need help, PM me and I’ll take a look :)</p>
<p>I’m familiar with NYU. If you still need it, I can take a look… by PM of course!</p>
<p>Can someone give me feedback on my NYU Supplement Essay? It would be a lot of help for me. Thanks!</p>
<p>Pm it over if you want another critique</p>