Offer me advice on my awkward housemate situation.

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Usually I don't ask for advice on online forums, but let's give this a try.</p>

<p>I live in a house with four other girls. The house is within a dormitory, so we are in on-campus housing and pay just like anyone else would for a double, triple, et cetera.</p>

<p>Let's call these girls A, B, C, and D, just for clarity's sake. </p>

<p>Last year, A, B, C and I were inseparable. With the exception of C, we all have lots of friends and are pretty social, but we were "the best friends" last year, I guess you'd say. We decided to apply for this house and pull in a fifth person, D. Nobody really knew D, and she was kind of a random, but she seemed nice and easy to live with so it wasn't really a big deal.</p>

<p>It's now a few months into the semester. D and C have become extremely close, and C has entirely distanced herself from us for seemingly no reason. C and D have no other friends/clubs/activities/whatever aside from each other and only hang with each other all the time. They don't talk to us. They don't even look at us when we come in the room or make eye contact. They will literally go to the furthest room in the house to be away from the rest of us if we're around. They say irritating things about me and the other girls behind our backs (our two rooms have a hole in the wall between them, so I can very clearly hear a lot of what they say, though they don't know this).</p>

<p>We've taken great pains to try and include the two of them, but they literally either outright say "no" or ignore us entirely. I've tried asking what was up and having a nice discussion about it, but they responded only with "there's no problem, I don't know why you would feel that way." I and the other girls will say "hello" or "good morning" and get only grunts in reply.</p>

<p>Should I just give up and let them be their own weirdos, or should I keep trying to include them? Any tips? I'm kind of bad with passive-aggressive women, so I'm at a loss here.</p>

2

<p>LOL a house full of females. My suggestion is just put your middle finger up and act like you dgaf. I wouldn’t sit around waiting for them to come around. If they want to act like you guys don’t exist then why try to keep including them. That’s just frustrating you and wasting more of your time. </p>

<p>If I were you I probably would have gone off by now. You’re a good one for keeping your sanity.</p>

3

<p>It sounds like the trouble began long before D moved in. Your post states that "With the exception of C we all have lots of friends and are pretty social, but we were “the best friends” last year. It sounds like C felt that her social status was under question or possibly being discussed behind her back. Now that D has moved in C sounds like she might have found a friend that accepts her as she is and may be very similar to C. </p>

<p>If you are interested in trying to make peace than you might want to look at what A and B have done to make C feel that she needs to distance herself from the “group”.</p>

4

<p>Given the fact that we’re only hearing one side of the story, it’s really hard to say what is going on. But I must say that I’m so glad I’m a middle aged mom right now and not dealing with all of the pettiness and back stabbing that girls this age can bring. It sounds like C might have had some resentment about her lack of social skills/status coming into this year and then when D came along she found an ally. Or D could have been the one that stirred everything up and created bad feelings against A & B with C. Either way you have taken the right steps to try and rectify the situation. Try and keep an open mind going forward; they still may come around. But when it comes down to it I think it’s a simple case of jealousy and insecurity on their part. And that can lead to some ugly ***t. Hang in there. At least you have B and other friends. You might also try talking to the RA about it. They might have some helpful tips or could act as a mediator.</p>

5

<p>Why do I get the images of angry egg-laying hens squawking after reading OP’s post?</p>

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<p>It’s pretty much exactly that. The rest of us usually have friends over to play video games and enjoy ourselves and relax. The other two are upstairs, painting their nails and discussing how much they hate everything in life.</p>

<p>Ok, new question for the public. When C and D’s parents came into town, they took C and D out to dinner (both of them, both times) and completely ignored the rest of us. When B’s parents came into town, they took all five of us out to a nice roommate lunch, as is pretty much traditional at our school. C and D were of course happy to attend and rack up a nice big tab, despite having not extended the same courtesy to anyone else.</p>

<p>My parents are coming to visit this weekend. I’ve invited everyone, C and D included, to come to breakfast. Bad idea? Should they get what they deserve and be left behind, or should I still try to include them, as bizarre as they’re acting?</p>

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<p>^that was super sweet/nice of you to ask them to come. :stuck_out_tongue: u rock.</p>

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<p>^^Now that is a tough one. I would probably go with extending an offer unless things are beyond repair. If you really want to include these other girls into your group than an act of kindness would be including them.</p>

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<p>Invite them all and show that you are the classy one. BTW, I would have casually mentioned by now, “hey you know I can hear you talking about me through the hole in the wall- just thought you should know…”.</p>

10

<p>they could be more than just friends :wink:
jk but that’s really mean of them. do A and B feel the same way as you about all this?</p>

11

<p>If you can’t make frds with D, then don’t. It’s not your fault or hers. Sometimes people just can’t get along. And about C, is being with D making her happier than before? Hmm, but anyways that’s not important either, she will make the best for herself. </p>

<p>And btw, why are you saying “passive aggressive WOMEN” ? Are you indicating that C is actually belong to that kind?</p>

12

<p>If everything you say is true, then there is really nothing you can do at this point. They won’t be upfront about why they are acting this way, and your efforts to make peace have failed. Leave them to their own devices.</p>

13

<p>You’re 4 individual people living in college housing. You’re making it sound as though all 4 of you have to be one cohesive group. As long as everyone can live together amicably and respect each other’s private space, I don’t see a problem. It seems as though you’re looking to create some kind of drama rather than accept the fact that the 4 of you aren’t one tight knit group. A good living arrangement with roommates does not mean that everyone must be the best of friends.</p>

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<p>People change, relationships change. Be respectful, maybe give them an invite every so often, but let it go. If you need to work that hard to be friends, it’s not worthwhile. Friendships should be rather effortless.</p>