<p>Should long-term boyfriends/girlfriends be factored into deciding what college to attend?</p>
<p>I am faced with two choices--attend a closer school that is still in the top 30 nationwide, participate in Honors programs, have a more sporty/fun/connected/distracted experience and be nearer to family and loved ones. OR attend an Ivy league school completely across the country, being isolated but presented with academic opportunities and growing much as a result because of the unknown factor; I visited and fell in love with the school.</p>
<p>At this point, educationally, I have made my decision. But the additional factor of being so far from the people that I dearly love make me worry. I am in a long-term relationship that I don't see ending any time soon; am I condemning myself to an inevitable breakup by attending a college 2700 miles away? I love my boyfriend. I'm not being a petty teenager here--I'm facing a serious emotional dilemma.</p>
<p>which schools are they? which is better for what you want to study? i don’t think staying for your boyfriend is silly, but you may feel silly later if it doesn’t work out. is your boyfriend going to the local school?</p>
<p>I think you have to make the decision as if the boyfriend was not in the picture; do you want to leave your family and friends to attend college all the way across the country?</p>
<p>If the answer to that question is “yes”, the boyfriend should not enter into the decision…if “no”, you wouldn’t want to go even without the bf…</p>
<p>Assume it will not work out with your boyfriend in the long term- those are the odds. Will you feel like you sacrificed something that you will regret the rest of your life if you go away? or not? Then decide if you can truly be away from your support network for one year (assuming that you can transfer someplace closer if you hate it after one year). Once you answer those two questions, it could make the choice easier or at least clearer.</p>
<p>My daughter stayed close for her beau, though she denies it. I offered to let her go further and she wanted to be closer to home. She came home often and is now at another school even closer and they are no more. We could have told her so. If you went to the Ivy and loved it then go. You’ll have many shots at men, few at an Ivy school.</p>
<p>Well I’ve decided to step out of my comfort zone and go to the school that’s farthest away. It has more to offer me and would lend itself to a more academic environment, rather than the distractions that remain close to home and in the bustling LA area. My indecisiveness was based on fear of not only leaving my boyfriend, but leaving my family and friends and my home base of support. But I realized that college is a period in life where you’re supposed to support yourself and become a strong individual, and it’s not like staying semi-close to home would keep others there with me.</p>
<p>My boy isn’t going to the local school, he’s going to a great school a couple of hours away… but the idea of being sooo far apart is certainly daunting. However, he’s been one of the main people encouraging me to take advantage of the best opportunities possible, so he’s a support system I can’t imagine myself losing. He is much more assured in our future, and that’s comforting.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your opinions and I think they all present valid points about choosing a school for yourself and no one else, whether that be boys or friends or family, who would also be happier if I stayed close. But everyone around me is so supportive that it’s becoming easier to have faith that I can continue my relationships with the amazing people that surround me.</p>
<p>But also, sometimes, boyfriends/boyfriends could be a legitimate factor. I’m not a normal teenager who goes through boys and who dates a lot; I’m a focused, driven person and so is my significant other. I definitely see him being a part of my future life, but I know that whether that works out or not will be a result of the test of time. I could have chosen either school and been surrounded with opportunities; it would have been a difficult decision even without considering location or the desires of others. It’s not like I’ve been with this boy for two weeks and I’ve decided I’m too madly in love to leave. I think it’s more that I’m so comfortable and assured that I can take the extra step in leaving while truly feeling like it has a strong chance of working out.</p>
<p>Hmm, this is starting to look more like a blog post than a forum question… haha. Thank you all for your thoughts!</p>
<p>I’m glad to see you figured something out, but I figured I’d jump in.</p>
<p>I think a lot of it depends on your current age, level of maturity, seriousness of the relationship, etc. I don’t mean to belittle anyone’s relationship, but there is typically a difference between two 18 year olds fresh out of high school and two people in their mid 20’s, even if both relationships have been going on for the same period of time. To make a sweeping generalization, most 18 year olds are still figuring out who they are and what they want, and distance or not, this can change relationships.</p>
<p>Maintaining a long distance relationship can be hard, but it is possible. My girlfriend currently lives 2000 miles away, and it’s hard, but we manage. When I transfer out of my community college she is going to move with me (she graduated years ago, and just happens to live far away from me now). </p>
<p>You may find the time apart a strengthening challenge in your relationship, or you may end up discovering you want something (or someone) different. Neither is bad. It’s part of learning and growing and defining who you are.</p>
<p>hahah thank you, Fullofpop. (: I definitely understand everything you’re talking about… now it’s just a matter of being able to put it into practice. The thought of it is scary, but I know that it’s been done successfully before.</p>
<p>you’d better attend an IVY League university since you will have more educational opportunities that are helpful to your future career. As to your relation with your family, as far as i am concerned, that should not be a factor because eventually you will be independent and you will lead your own life. you’d better get accustomed to take care of yourself as soon as possible.</p>
<p>Wow, brutal much? If you read the actual posts you’d see that I’m going to attend the Ivy, for whatever it’s worth. And for the record, there’s a lot more to deciding where to go to college besides whether it’s in the Ivy League or not.</p>
<p>wadawada, I agree with your last post. There is much more to deciding which college to go than prestige. I’m glad to hear you made a decision not just focusing on your boyfriend, because I do believe that decisions on colleges and careers should not be based on where your significant other is going at our age. But I do believe that the location of your family can be a strong factor. I’m going to college about 6 hours away from where I live, but I wouldn’t dream of going much farther away due to the location of my family. Even though I’d probably love the warm weather if I got away from the east coast, I’ve promised my family and myself that I would remain somewhat close. </p>
<p>My mom is a widow, and though she is in a great relationship now and won’t be alone when I go to college, as I had originally feared, I couldn’t dream of living extremely far away from her. whether it is during my college years or later on in life, I want to remain close to my family, both in location and relationships. I’ve always been close to my family, and I’ve gotten closer to them as I have gotten older, solidifying my idea that I never want to live really far away. </p>
<p>So in some ways, family is always going to be a big factor in where I choose to live, though I won’t totally rule out options of schools and jobs farther away for a while. I just know that I never want to live far away from my family permanently. This doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be independent, it just means that I really want to remain close to my family.</p>
<p>By no means does that mean I think that you made the wrong choice by going far away! I’m extremely happy for you that you get to attend an amazing school, and that you made the choice that you felt was right for you. But for me, this point in my life is not a time where I want to live far away, since I lost my dad just during the past couple of years. </p>
<p>So that giant post above was basically just me saying: family CAN be a big factor in your college decision, and it doesn’t mean that you won’t be an independent person if you choose to remain close to them. (=</p>