<p>I'm a mess. Here's my story. Two kids. Oldest son went to college for two years, dropped out for a semester to travel in Asia, came home, worked for 3 months to earn enough money to go back to Cambodia to live, is teaching English, working to establish schools in impoverished areas, all by himself, living in poverty himself. I just wanted him to get a degree first, but no go. He has always marched to his own drummer. He is 20.</p>
<p>My daughter is the oppoisite, very protected, excellent student, every teacher loves her, but kind of scared of life. She is going to college next year.
We have found, I think, the best college for her. It is a small private college where I belive she will shine. She is having a rough senior year. It's just the usual finding out who your real friends are kind of thing, but when it's your kid, it's tough. And she is my best friend. </p>
<p>So, anyway, I'm just finding it really hard to let go....of my two kids, their friends, my life as an involved mother. I miss my son, my daughters boyfriend, her old friends that have moved on.....</p>
<p>Can anyone else relate to this? Just venting. I'm so sad and I'm not sure it's normal.</p>
<p>It's normal, feel free to vent, you will get over it. i know that seems like little solace now....</p>
<p>Congratulate yourself for preparing your kids to take the step to leave the nest. </p>
<p>It's hard not knowing every day things (but since you have a D versus an S you may get more info from your D than us moms of S)</p>
<p>There have been several threads about empty next, do a search have a read and bring along the kleenex. those are tears of joy, really they are :-)</p>
<p>I've still got one at home so I'm not far enough along to fully relate. But having spent some time in that part of the world I can say that the people there are very welcoming. I can understand why teaching in Cambodia appeals to your S. Would you consider visiting him there, and perhaps taking your D along? Bangkok is very close by and is worth visiting all by itself.</p>
<p>Wow, teaching English in Cambodia. You must be VERY proud of your son. He is doing his part to help make a difference in the world. So refreshing compared to those IB types with dollar signs in their eyes.
I have only one. He's away in college and we have missed him SO much. Thank god we have a dog! He'll be studying overseas this summer so we have only a few precious weeks with him.
You will adjust and find your way. It can be painful but there's also a nice feeling of freedom that comes with this difficult transition. It's not all bad. We travel more. We see our friends more. We eat what WE like and keep junk food out of the house. Laundry is WAY down. I feel like things will continue to progress and get better. Think of it this way...it's good for your children if you allow them to separate. You've done a great job if they can take this step. Hang in there! And yes, plan that trip to Cambodia!</p>
<p>What you are feeling is normal, so give yourself a break. On the other hand, I was pretty sure I'd be a basket case when my DS and only child started college and I've pretty much been fine. He's doing great and I'm so happy for him that it isn't as bad as I expected. Try to enjoy the time you have with your D and, by all means, try to find a way to visit your S. He could open up a whole new world to you.</p>
<p>I think it is very normal. You are going through a major life change..almost everything that you lived for and which made up your world is gone/going and the future looks blank/empty...ok I'm projecting here! I think you have to go through a period of mourning and then pick yourself up and design your future. That the kids are doing well and following their dreams is a blessing but it doesn't stop you feeling sorry for yourself and you don't have to feel bad for that. Give yourself some time.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm so sad and I'm not sure it's normal
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Certainly it is normal to be sad but it is possible that your sadness is becoming unhealthy. Are you able to function normally in your day-to-day life? Do you still gain pleasure and satisfaction from life?</p>
<p>If you have any concerns at all along these lines, perhaps consider speaking with your physician or other appropriate professional about them.</p>
<p>A friend once reminded me how sad I would be if they were not going off to college. This helps me remember it is a good thing. Although I will still be sad come August.</p>
<p>I know it is important to be supportive, but I don't think we really know enough to say whether what the OP is feeling is normal.</p>
<p>This, for me, set off a red flag: "And she is my best friend." I am not a psychologist but this does not seem like a good situation either for you or for your child.</p>
<p>I don't think there is anything wrong with a mother & daughter becoming close friends -- but I do think that the solution to the empty nest blues is that mom needs to make some friends of her own. I understand where you are coming from -- I had a very similar situation -- and I would simply suggest being proactive about getting involved in stuff on your own, outside the home where you will meet and socialize with others. It's not really hard - its just thst sometimes you have to force yourself (in the beginning) to attend various events or meetings just to get out. Start now, before your daughter goes off to college, so you will begin to establish some new habits that will be in place already when she starts in the fall.</p>
<p>I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling your D is your best friend. I have been very fortunate (despite some tumultuous times with older D) to share senses of humor, TV shows, music, and books with both Ds. We get each other and I love spending time with them.
I also get attached to friends and old boyfriends and feel sad when they move out of my life.
It's a big change coming.
When is sad too sad? When it lasts for months and years and nothing makes it go away. OP, you will know if that's the case after D leaves -- at that time, I hope you know there's a lot of help out there.
Know too that with e-mail and texting, D will still feel close.<br>
Also, take long walks with the dog (or get a dog, if you don't have one, if you think you want to.) Take yoga, read good books, go to a spa, volunteer, join a book club -- take care of yourself.</p>
<p>If you are up to it, you might look into being a foster mother. Short term,
long term, keep siblings together or even just mentor a foster child four hours
a week.</p>
<p>I agree with Already. My D and I (just finishing her first year at college) were always close and I miss her terribly. At the same time I would never want to be her friend. She has plenty of friends, but only one mother. She needs other stuff from her mother than from her friends. She needs me to react to her in different ways than do her friends. And, she also needs to know that I will always be there for her and will always love her. She can act pretty much the way she wants (obviously within the bounds of respect and civility) and know that I will not turn away from her. We have different social norms with our friends. Children leaving home is the natural order of things. We always knew they would. ("What do you want to be when you grow up?") The ambivalence comes from the fact that we are so sad they are gone, of course we miss them, and that we are so happy and excited for their finding their own ways in the world. It's very hard, but one does get used to it.</p>
<p>Welcome to the empty-nesters' club! I'm joining it, too, as my only S goes off to college. Though I have watched many other moms go through this period successfully, it still feels so unpredictable. I am close to my S, too. I agree with others: find new ways to fill your time. One friend tells me I'll be glad I have more "brain space." Another friend says she handled it by saying, "What do I want for myself now that I've passed this latest milestone in my life?" (Her answer was to admit she hated her job and do something about it.) Good luck!</p>
<p>I started volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters when my youngest was in college. After two boys, I now have a little girl I am mentoring, and I am becoming an important person in her life. I just hope I can be a positive influence to counteract some of the negative ones in her home situation. Having another child to spend time with does help take the sting out of missing my sons (one of whom is now living and working in Japan). I also feel with all my mothering experience, it would be a shame not to put it to use! :)</p>
<p>I have to admit, I'm not a mom, but my mom went into serious depression after I went to school far, far away. She did the following:</p>
<p>1) Went to a spa for a week of self-discovery (depends on financial situation, but it really helped her)
2) Started focusing on her hobbies that she had before I left (she was into art, so she enrolled in an art class, she was into tennis, so she joined a tennis league)</p>
<p>Soon it was me calling my mom to make sure she hadn't forgotten about me instead of my mom calling me. Hope this helps.</p>
<p>I have 2 years before youngest leaves, but I'm already thinking of projects to keep me busy. I haven't repainted or redecorated a room in my house in several years, so I figure once D is gone I'm gonna be Martha Stewart. Well, at least Martha with a paint brush. DH is gonna starve because I'll probably stop cooking, just doesn't seem worth it to cook for only 2 people.</p>
<p>Another suggestion - after my oldest left last fall I hosted a Semi-Empty Nest party, for the parents of 4 of his good friends. We all had one kid at home and at least one kid at college. We had the best time, we got together two more times and are planning to get together again when all the boys are home. I suggest about 2 weeks after your daughter leaves you get a group of parents who also have college frosh (your D's friends parents are good choices if you've become friends with them over the years) and get together with wine and desserts. I stole this idea from someone else on CC who said they had an Empty Nesters dinner 2 weeks after the kids left.</p>