OK, they're in college - how involved are parents now?

<p>I just read through a thread in this forum about how involved parents are with the admission process, generated by the story of one mother who actually quit her job to help her child with college applications.</p>

<p>Now I'm wondering about the next stage. How involved are these parents once their children are in university?</p>

<p>And I don't mean the typical hovering of a parent - I mean the outright participation in schoolwork. When the Bush daughter just published her book, I noted that during an interview she was asked if Laura Bush read the book before it was published. The daughter replied that not only had Mrs. Bush read the book, but that her mother read every paper she wrote while she was in college.</p>

<p>I was just speaking to a friend when she said she had to go - she just received her daughter's college paper (top 5 LAC) and she had to read/correct it. She said she got all her kid's papers and edited each of them before she emailed them back.</p>

<p>How much do we participate in our children's college work? How much should we participate?</p>

<p>I won't even read 'em after they are written and turned in and graded. (Bad mom, here!) I am happy to know almost nothing about their college schoolwork. ;)</p>

<p>My daughter goes to an ivy (not said to brag) but if as a parent I did what you describe she'd have a serious honor code violation.I don't do any of her college work, whatsoever. Nor did I edit or even see her college essays.</p>

<p>anxiousmom, me too. I have not read one of my son's college papers. He is on the other side of the country so that could be the difference but then again I didn't read many of either child's high school papers either. I am not a high school teacher or college professor and I am not their teacher or professor so.....
I don't know what his work load is like, what assignments, are due...etc. None of it. I figure that's how it should be.<br>
If your child is at a top 5 LAC they should write and edit their own papers IMHO.</p>

<p>cornfed, I didn't even think about the honor code violation.Good point!</p>

<p>Well, let's see. I don't even understand her physics, math, or science courses. That's out. (Histology- huh...the study of hists?) I might could help with Religious Studies classes but as an agnostic-leaning Christian I have my doubts . (;))</p>

<p>
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as an agnostic-leaning Christian I have my doubts

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</p>

<p>Oh, curm - that was priceless.</p>

<p>Read a college paper? Maybe. (Not that anyone is likely to ever show me one.)
Edit it? Never.</p>

<p>Read a high school paper? Yes.
Edit it? No, but I will point out awkward bits that she needs to look at again. And I will give positive feedback.
i.e."I like the way you addressed Beowolf's sensitive character!"</p>

<p>aww cur I was trying to be all ethical instead of admitting I don't understand most of the stuff the college age crowd is studying now... you blew my cover.</p>

<p>;) Hey, ebeeeee. I was just being honest. Howinheck could I ever help her in science, math, or physics? I can't figure out how to enter names in a cell phone. For true. It appears beyond me. (I also have a truck that doesn't ever the right time unless D is home. ;))</p>

<p>Lol....I gave up on helping with math when they got to sixth grade. DH the engineer took over from there. </p>

<p>It is definitely a matter of parenting style...when mine were in scouts I would tell them, "I am not trying to be an eagle scout..so if you don't want to do the work, don't do it." </p>

<p>Same theory, I am no longer trying to be a college student so I don't write the papers, don't edit papers, don't pay attention to the assignments, etc. </p>

<p>I also don't dress like an 18 year old girl but sometimes I seem to be in the minority on that one.</p>

<p>Curm: good point, I would be no help with any college, high school, OR middle school math or science except 'Gee-Whiz Biology' (which is my forte', but it's not usually on exams).</p>

<p>And, I'm definitely out of the loop for literature, language and sociology stuff.
Last night, the h.s. soph asked me,
"Mom, do the non-permanent members of the NATO security council get to vote?"<br>
Like I know?</p>

<p>I guess I could help with some grammar and punctuation, but definitely not content.</p>

<p>I do a little more than soe of y'all do on an occasional written assignment in an area I have a clue about (maybe twice in college) but I'm comfortable with my limited level of participation (and yes, I've read the honor code).</p>

<p>I remember saying to my kids, "I already went through 3rd grade, I don't need to do it again." But I've made suggestions on high school papers. They (both sons) rarely had enough time to follow through on them though, being master procrastinators. I haven't seen any college papers ahead of time. My son brought them home at winter break, I skimmed through his history papers and read the comments. Things like "This would have been an A, too bad it was so late."</p>

<p>My mom read one of my brother's papers when he got a B+ on a research paper he had written overnight. She got a paragraph in, said it was better than anything she had ever written, and went back to yelling at me about something.</p>

<p>P.S. Karen Colleges, I don't think NATO has a "Security Council," per se, but the UN Security Council does allow its non-permanent members to vote. The permanent members simply have veto rights.</p>

<p>Mathmom- Thanks for making me feel better that I haven't seen any college papers and their comments.</p>

<p>Topic drift here:
In the 'Most unhelpful teacher comment', I'd like to nominate this one from the second or third draft of a high school research project, "If this was the final report, it would be an "F"....</p>

<p>Zam- Thanks. (hanging head in embarrassment)
but dang it, I didn't even get the question right!
She WAS asking about veto rights.</p>

<p>Read/edit college papers? Nope. At one point when D was home on vacation, I had to ask permission before she'd let me look at one of her papers.</p>

<p>D has emailed me 2 papers this year, for which I was asked to do two things: 1) double-check for grammar/spelling, 2) make sure the essays seemed logical. I have always used a co-worker to edit important publications, and I have encouraged my kids to do the same. You can read a paper 10 times ... and every time, your brain will substitute the correct word for that wrong one that somehow got typed! Spellcheck is not 100% accurate. I was the chosen editor those 2 times (D's friends were probably too busy!). I don't do any content editing or anything like that. </p>

<p>My S, a high school sophomore, stopped asking me to edit his work at the beginning of this school year. I miss seeing the progress in his writing ... but I am not about to stick my nose in where he doesn't want me (in this case, that is!!!!).</p>

<p>D emails me some typed essays and papers and I check them for typographical errors. She's sent me lab reports for the same reason, and though I never have any idea what I'm reading about, sometimes I'll find something that looks funny and I'll comment "did you mean to type it this way?" or something. </p>

<p>Before some exams, after much self-study, review sessions, etc., she sends notes (and sometimes even questions if she's had time to make up some) and I will "spot-check" her with random questions. What's bad is when she sends the notes and I can't comprehend enough of the material to make up my own questions!</p>

<p>We started this in high school. I don't know if it's actually helpful anymore, but I like to think she still needs me.</p>