Many of the universities have married student housing, which is normally used by graduate students - sometimes with children, but is definitely open to you. Your work record and test scores are very good too but it will likely be difficult for your wife to work with a small child and no family help. I’d look around at the UC’s - UCSD because it is close to family but also UCLA (even if you dislike LA) , UCSB (not the best for engineering though) and UCB. Your other option is to take the CC–>UC or CC–>CSU route. Going to school for the first time at 27, almost 10 yrs out of HS can be a real shock but also great fun (I did it 25 years out!). You are likely to have forgotten a lot of math and science so some serious refresher work will be in order.
Also look at publics/privates that have good aid and good physics/engineering, and have some non-traditional students. Since your wife can work remotely anywhere, she can ‘instantly’ become a state resident so you may qualify for in-state tuition after a short duration.
Some other options with decent FA or in-state tuition, physics and engineering:
Penn - non traditional program (forgot the name)
Michigan State (Nuclear Physics)
Michigan
Rice
Ohio State