Older "non-traditional" students

Parents Forum
1

As an older “non-traditional” student, I’m confused by how parents act and react when they learn there are older students going to college.

Initially, they are fairrly cool about it. Not everyone gets a second chance at school, especially this late in life. However…
Being that I am older, as in my late 40’s, I found that literally scares parents. Why is that?

When I try to find housing, same attitude by the apartment managers. They “feel” they have to “get the parents’ permission” for me to merely rent from them…even though I’m not staying with roomates.

In other instances, I almost purchased a contract (twice), I knew the boys, we got along pretty good, and the managers felt they had to “protect the students from people like you” (sic).

Really? I mean, like REALLY, really?!?!?!

2

Somy question is…WHY? Why is that a problem and what are they trying to protect their kids from? Unless they do a background check on me, which I know they havn’t, how do they know what kind of person I am?

3

I’m not sure I understand your questions. When have you encountered these parents who were “literally scared”?

4

So are you saying that as a 40 something college student, you want to room with 18-22 year olds?

Why wouldn’t you look for a room to rent someplace other than with the traditional,college,students?

I’m guessing most 40 somethings would NOT want to room with 18-22 year olds.

5

I think @thumper1 is on to something.

I suspect that most 40 somethings who want a college degree do not want to associate with their traditional-age classmates any more than necessary. They prefer the company of people their own age.

For example, if I were a non-traditional age student, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere near the areas where the traditional-age students live. I would probably ask some university employees close to my own age to suggest neighborhoods where I could find a shared apartment, and I would probably end up with a working adult as a roommate.

You seem to have a different way of looking at the situation. That’s not necessarily bad, but it may be hard for people to understand. People may wonder why you feel the way you do, and the first thing that may come to mind is the possibility that you might sexually exploit a traditional-age student. That’s ugly and unfair, but the idea does pop into people’s heads.

6

***Or buy them booze!

7

It’s unfortunate there are wary attitudes towards older non-traditional college students.

Personally, even though I started undergrad as a 17 year old, I preferred rooming with older undergrads or 21+ adults rather than 18-19 year old freshmen as I found most to be inconsiderate regarding shared living spaces such as being too noisy with the stereo and I found I related far better to them than to most 17 or even 18-19 year olds.

We had a couple of 40+ year old undergrads at my undergrad. While neither lived in the dorms…one did share an off-campus house with a few traditional aged undergrads and their experience was great.

I was actually jealous as the 50+ year old freshman/classics major was very well-versed in real-life* and yet…was mellow and had no issues relating to us young’uns as social equals. It was kind of like having an older brother/cool uncle as a roommate…and one who could provide guidance and yet, accept help in academic areas when he needed it.

  • He successfully started up and ran a prospering business before selling it, retiring, and deciding to take the opportunity to get the college education he missed due to family issues/finances back when he was a late teen/young adult.

One doesn’t necessarily need to room with older non-traditional students for that.

While an undergrad, I received multiple offers of booze from a few college Profs and local townspeople/clients…including a shot of mao tai. Turned them down not only because I was very wary of alcohol back then, but also because I had exams/quizzes the following morning.

8

I believe that mature classmates generally provide positive experience. Daughter has taken Saturdays community college art classes where about half of the classmates were mature adults taking them as a hobby, and it added a great deal to her experience in positive ways.

But, if a late 40s fulltime student is going to move into my 18yo child’s dorm or off-campus housing for students, I would like to be informed of the fact, and would like to get to know him on his purpose of studying and wanting to live with teenagers. I would want to know about the mature adult that my boys or girls get along well in their residence to feel safe.

I don’t agree that the ideas popping up in the parents’ or other adults feeling responsible for well being of young students is ugly and unfair. It is necessary precaution to protects the youngsters, and that right goes before an adult student’s hurt feeling. Those things are the price you are paying for the educational opportunity that you are getting. Whining about it as if you can’t understand makes me all the more unsure about your emotional maturity.

9

I suspect that the OP is not a parent and that’s why he/she doesn’t understand.

10

It sounds like the OP is living alone… no roommates…

11

Apparently in an off-campus student housing. That’s somewhat similar to living in a students dorm with a single room. They are likely to socialize evenings together.

12

Is there grad student and/or married housing at your college/university? Either of those are likely to be more compatible for you. When I was in grad school, there were a number of 40-something grad and undergrad students in the grad residence halls.

13

I lived in an all-student apartment building when I was an upperclassman. Never met a single one of my neighbors.

14

One of my kids is a non-traditional student, although he’s in his mid twenties, so considerably younger. He lives off campus, in an apartment complex that is mostly students. He feels isolated a good bit of the time. Most kids, and their parents, are just more comfortable with traditional students. OP, I don’t have any advice, sorry, other than to recommend staying positive and open.

15

I know lots of older students who have returned to school in their 40’s for grad school, certificaties, and a few undergrad too. Most of them commuted or lived in a studio/1 BR apt., and occasionally with a roommate. I am not sure why you are having negative experiences but it is certainly not usual.

16

I have a feeling there’s more to this story…

17

This level of parental concern, while understandable, strikes me as a bit odd considering parents of undergrads in my undergrad years(mid-late '90s) felt that was the undergrad’s domain of responsibility and the few parents who openly inquired around would have been viewed as what we now term micromanging helicopter parents.

Incidentally, neither my parents nor the parents of classmates who attended college had parents making such inquiries back when they were in college.

Heck, some would have found the very idea to be absurd.

Especially for the young men in an era when one was liable to be called up to perform mandatory military service and be placed in close quarters with conscripts ranging from 18-26+ from a wide variety of backgrounds…including some which some may consider to be highly dubious for legitimate* and not-so-legitimate reasons.

  • I.e.: "Volunteers" who did so because they committed criminal offenses and the judge gave them the choice of a prison sentence or "volunteering" for the military which was the practice up until the end of the Vietnam War era. One famous example was R. Lee Ermey who was given this choice after a second arrest for some criminal offense in his late teen years.
18

My apologies as I accidentally left some of it out.
Since there are several posts for me to answer, let me try it like this…

First, it’s not entirely over housing.

Second, when it has been housing, I was made aware of a couple contracts that came up after two of the guys had found another college to go to for Spring. I had asked if there was any concern over age, and no one had any problem with it. At that point, I already knew everyone in that particular dorm as several of them were in the same classes as myself.

Sylvan, the contacts were not specifically housing-oriented. In the Fall Semester there were four. Each time I reported them to Student Life. One was in the cafeteria, two in the Student Center and another was also in the Student Center in front of the office for Student Housing. That one, #4, I reported directly to the director of Student housing since in that case it was a mother that was just being a “royal jerk” asking questions that even the Director felt was highly offensive. Because of the no swearing rule for the forum, I cannot really describe the offensive level very well. This last spring there was one, and it was at a local pizzeria. Luckily I was in the company of some of my friends from college who poked fun at the parents. THAT was hilarious!

It seems the biggest problem they appear to have is that they, the parents, “don’t know what kind of person” I am. And that baffles me. What kind of person? What kind of person do you stand next to when waiting at a McDonald’s? Or at the gas station? Of the bus stop? What kind of person do you work with? Do you have the right to choose that person? What about the guy down two apartments from you? Do you decide what kind of guy he is?

I’m throwing that out like that because I totally fail to understand what difference it makes.

I have to ask, are parents so scared (insecure?) of their kids getting out on their own, that they have to do in depth intel reports on everyone within a 5 block (for example) radius? Keep in mind that even those background checks you can buy on line are not always accurate. So how do you know? Just the other person’s “word”? Try looking at yourself in the mirror while answering THAT three times…

Marian does have a point, however I feel it is unrealistic. I have several physical impairments, and unless the “roomies” are para or quadplegic and in wheelchairs, physically taking sexual advantage of them against their will is very unlikely.

TomSr, that’s wouldn’t matter any as I don’t drink.

I think SculptorDad is a good example. SculptureDad, my purpose of studying is my business, not yours. What are you going to do? File a grievance with the college saying that you don’t approve of my course work? File a complaint with my landlord because you don’t like my grades?

You and your daughter should be more concerned about the IMmature boys, not the grown adults. You just made it sound like being in my 40’s makes me a pervert. If I rent an apartment in the same building as her, too bad for you. If I’m not rooming with her, my life is none of your business. And, if in the very impossible chance I am rooming with your daughter…that’s your problem, not mine. You take that up with her.

And no, none of this is whining. If you feel it is then I’d have to say that’s your problem. You really are in no position to questions someone’s emotional maturity. It is, quite frankly, none of your business. The forum is here for a reason.

Marian, I do have a son, and last I knew he’s still with the USMC, he enlisted in 2010, fresh out of high school.

It sounds to me like Romanigypsyeyes knows what I’m talking about…
And yes I am living alone.

Happymomof1, it’s a 2 year school.

Thank you Ixnay, I appreciate the recommendations!

Cobrat is both right and wrong. The level of parental concern I have seen leads me to believe the parents have serious mental health issues that must be addressed. I do not know of any medication that could help.

I feel the best answer for some of these parents is to withdraw their kids from college and get them enlisted. If bootcamp doesn’t “help them” grow up, then maybe they should get their parents enlisted…

19

This is a bit of an extreme response. Actually, it’s very extreme.

“Last you heard” your kiddo was in the USMC? 2010 was six years ago.

I’m a parent…to,be honest, imwouldmhave noticed if a 40 year old was my kid’s roommate, but I would not have said anything. I doubt I would,have even noticed someone your age on a college campus. After all, there are tons of visitors, professors, grad students, and college workers who are way older than the typical college student.

Not sure why anyone would have wondered about an older person in the cafe or student center…or outside of the housing office.

20

I fail to understand ass well, Thumper. Nor does the school, as it has been discussed twice.

Yeah, last I heard about my son. Last I heard he wants to make it a career. I’d be all for it, however he chose the USMC. He should have went Army. IMO.