<p>Bump for the 2012/13 app cycle.</p>
<p>Some guidance for parents on selecting a BS, from the US State Department’s website:
[Chapter</a> 8 - Boarding Schools: Making the Choice](<a href=“http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c24032.htm]Chapter”>http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c24032.htm)</p>
<p>@SevenDad…I have been reading some of your comments about St. Andrews and look forward to our upcoming tour. My child has excellent grades and extracurriculars and has not taken the SSAT yet (November). We are looking at a few schools but St. Andrews is under consideration because it is only 100 miles away. However, I am concerned about the size and remoteness. You may have commented on this before but would you mind again? Thanks.</p>
<p>GMT that was very interesting. I was struck by this listed disadvantage of boarding schools:</p>
<p>“Students sometimes take on inappropriate advisory roles with their peers”</p>
<p>What do you suppose the subtext of that really is?</p>
<p>Do they object to the “prefect” concept? Are they suggesting peer pressure might be too much at a boarding school for some kids? Are they suggesting another child/your own child might lead others astray if they are prone to bad behavior? And, is any of it really worse than one would find at a day school?</p>
<p>I am just curious how others interpret this statement and what was so obvious that they felt the need to state it.</p>
<p>That statement also raised my eyebrows. I took it to mean that the students may have over-reliance on advice from their friends for important issues that would better be asked of their parents</p>
<p>I can agree with that concept though your explanation is much more to the point than that of the US State Department:)</p>
<p>@Probie: Sorry for the delay in replying…crazy weekend that included pick up for Fall Break and the resultant jam packed weekend.</p>
<p>On “size and remoteness”…</p>
<p>SAS’s relative size and remoteness was never a concern for our daughter or my wife and me. Either during our search or now that she’s attending the school. Our home area in NJ is known for its farms and quaint little towns…so going from one small town (home) to another (school) was no big deal.</p>
<p>In terms of remoteness, have you ever been to Deerfield? Or Hotchkiss? Both in the middle of nowhere. St. Andrew’s is about 1 hour from Philadelphia, closer than Deerfield or Hotchkiss are to either NYC or Boston.</p>
<p>As I’ve noted before…unless a kid lives in a major metro or visits a major metro frequently, I don’t see how being at any “remote” school…whether it be St. Andrew’s, Deerfield, Hotchkiss or any number of great institutions…matters. What exactly are kids who attend these more remote schools missing out on?</p>
<p>I can understand the matter of access to a major airport hub for families outside of reasonable driving distance. I can also see the appeal of a school like Lawrenceville, which is a short taxi ride from the great stores, restaurants, and overall college-town vibe of Princeton, and a train ride from NYC and Philly. </p>
<p>But what about St. Paul’s or Exeter? Having visited both of those schools and the towns they are connected to, I can’t say that either Concord or Exeter strike me as significantly more interesting/appealing/cosmopolitan than Middletown. Yet, I don’t really see concerns about “remoteness” applied to either of these schools here on the forum.</p>
<p>Concern about size is something I can better understand. I know that for some people whose local public high schools have 1000 or more students, a school the size of St. Andrew’s (about 300) might seem small — in a bad way. I understand the concern that a student might either not find a social group to bond with in a smaller school where there may be less diversity. Or they may outgrow the social scene and yes, even the academics — as smaller schools can’t really offer the breadth/depth of course offerings as some of the largest schools. I think these latter two are outlier situations.</p>
<p>I think a lot comes down to personal preference/fit. Since my daughter was coming from a small private middle school with 45-60 kids per grade, going to SAS was a step up in size. </p>
<p>Keep in mind that both Groton and Thacher are both close to or under 400 students, yet somehow manage to avoid (at least that I’ve observed) being eliminated from people’s consideration sets for being too small.</p>
<p>The upsides of going to a small high school are, to my way of thinking, many. </p>
<p>Here’s just one example: Last year, I knew I’d be passing by SAS on my way to a sports tournament in DC with my younger daughter. So I sent a note to headmaster Tad Roach a few weeks in advance asking if I could stop by to talk to him about a few things that were on my mind. He carved out a little time in his day for me and we had a great conversation. And better yet, he seemed to actually know something about my daughter and her experience at the school to that point.</p>
<p>Do you think a similar thing would have been possible at one of the schools with 800+ students? I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it. Keep in mind that we are not some huge donor or legacy family. I’m just an regular parent. </p>
<p>Another upside? Really simple move-in/drop off/pick up days.</p>
<p>Sorry for the ramble, feel free to ask any additional/more specific questions you might have about the school.</p>
<p>@SevenDad….thanks for the information. Surprisingly, DC just told me no more essays, tired of doing them, and will settle for the three schools that essays have been completed. We will be okay if BS doesn’t work out but we will still tour St. Andrews. Who knows? DC may have a change of heart!</p>
<p>@Probie: A few thoughts…</p>
<p>From the St. Andrew’s site: “We prefer our own application because it helps us learn a bit more about you and helps you learn a bit more about St. Andrew’s. However, if you are applying to many schools that require different applications, you may need to simplify and use a common form.”</p>
<p>So, if your DC is saying “no max” to another essay or app, you may be able to repurpose what he/she has already done.</p>
<p>Of course, he/she may visit SAS and be inspired to tackle yet another app!</p>
<p>One final thought is that it is only October. Apps are due in January. If your DC is done with a few of the large essays already, he/she is WAY ahead of the game. While he/she might be burnt out on apps now, there is plenty of time between now and then to crank out a few more amazing essays, right?</p>
<p>That should have said, in the style of boxer Roberto Duran, “no mas”.</p>
<p>@Seven Dad……I thought the same thing about burnout. DC wanted to get the essays done and out of the way to concentrate on daily school work, personal activities, and SSAT workbooks. I am impressed how early the essays were completed but then DC has never done anything at the last minute. Like you said, it’s early and maybe after exhaling a bit, DC might be up to handling a few more essays. Even the questionnaire parts are extensive. Also, we really only have a couple of months as DC is emphatic that nothing will be done for any school during the Christmas break so we lose two weeks.</p>
<p>I have noticed that there are no similarities in the essays at the schools we have looked at. I guess the extensive essays weed out those who say ‘no mas’.</p>
<p>@Probie,</p>
<p>I can empathize with your DC; I was in a rush to complete all my applications as well, including my essays, because then it wouldn’t be a cloud hanging over my head. Sure, it did place me in a comfortable place deadline-wise, but I’m burnt out from typing out my strengths, life story, etc. And is it just me, or are all the essays different (some more so than others)?</p>
<p>@Anxiety,
My D is applying to 6 different schools and it appears that there are 6 different sets of essay questions! It’s a giant cumulonimbus over my D’s head:( I don’t understand why they can’t come up with a common set of questions.</p>
<p>Hopefully, she gets them done before the end of December and can start the new year without overcast clouds.</p>
<p>I forget if I mentioned this in my recap, but I had pulled Choate’s questions from BEFORE they were updated…so my daughter had to scramble that final week before apps were due to write new essays for the prompts that were changed. Father of the year award material.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Because the schools want to distinguish themselves from their peers, just like they want you to distinguish between them when the inevitable interview question comes up: “so why do you want to attend ______”</p>
<p>I’m still laughing about the $2 million teardown story! Thanks again for that. If we can’t laugh at the outrageous cost of where we live once in a while, we’d just cry, right?</p>
<p>So, obviously I’ve been knee deep in these forums as of late, trying to get that “inside scoop” every other new CC devotee is searching for. But I wanted to take a quick break to say thank you for all that you’ve written about this process- really from beginning to end! Being so new to all of this, it seems like an almost Herculean task! And if I think too much about it, it’s VERY easy to get discouraged by what often gets posted here and on other sites. However, I’ve promised our little prep hopeful that I am in it for the long haul so am devoting every moment I can to this research. In scanning CC, I’m finding your posts pop up on most every search I do and each one seems to add new insight I’d never considered and/or reminds me not to feel too overwhelmed as there really will be light at the end of this strange and often mysterious tunnel. I also appreciate the fact that you remind others here to enjoy the process, not just the end result. I am really trying to do that and I’m finding that it helps make the whole thing more meaningful and memorable. Regardless of what happens in the end, this will be a time we all look back on as a family so why not make the most of it, right?</p>
<p>So I just wanted to let you know that I’m truly grateful for the time you’ve taken in writing so many well thought out, meaningful posts concerning the many aspects surrounding all of this. In offering so much detail, you have answered a million questions for me without my having to ask- and many I never would have thought about in the first place.
The fact that you (and I’m certain many others here) do this for no other reason than to help those who are now going through what you and your families did at one time, it’s very humbling. I will definitely be sure to pay if forward after we have made it through to the other side and most likely, along the way, as well. Continued success to you and your family! And Happy Holidays.</p>
<p>@Sevendad…I’m not a regular poster on the BS threads. I’m also a parent of St. Andrew’s School alum. I definitely support your thoughts re BS’s, and especially St. Andrew’s. There’s never been a time that I’ve visited that Tad Roach wasn’t available for a few minutes. DS attended when Middletown was REALLY in the middle of nowhere. The town and the school facilities have grown dramatically, but the character of the school remains wonderfuly the same. We have nothing but great memories and wonderful things to say about St. Andrew’s.
Your description of your entire BS search experience is brilliant and a great help to everyone going through the process now.</p>
<p>@goforprep & mom0809: Thank you both for your kind words. I hope my recap helps parents and applicants, especially those in the “consider” or “applying” stage of the process.</p>
<p>There are a few key takeaways I want everyone to get from my recap:</p>
<p>A) It is harder to get into the Exeters/Andovers of the world than people could possible realize and people who focus solely on these “famous” and super selective schools do so at their own peril. My daughter was a very strong candidate and yet was rejected from one of these schools (in addition to being admitted at another).</p>
<p>B) There are many great schools at which kids would be challenged, get great educations, and be well positioned for even selective colleges, not just a handful.</p>
<p>C) Given the option, some kids choose the schools that aren’t considered “top tier” over “top tier” schools…newbs should really take a second to ask themselves why.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Ditto. Sometimes there is more to the equation than “big well known name”.</p>
<p>@SevenDad and @ExieMITAlum,</p>
<p>Again, extremely grateful for your terrific insight on all of this! And if you have the time to indulge me once more, it’d mean the world. The advice you have given on these forums thus far has been invaluable to me & my family so anything more you are willing to share would be incredibly kind. I know we all lead busy lives & it can be quite time consuming even answering a few questions. (Much less for a total stranger)! :)<br>
So thank you for providing your input here & if you are so inclined, (or anyone else on CC who may have something they’d like to add) then please read on & respond to as much (or as little) as you see fit. Thank you again for sharing.</p>
<p>First off, I agree 100% on the “top tier” argument. True, the more we learned about it, our whole family (especially our child) felt drawn to Exeter. Feeling it represented the perfect fit for the next 4 years (for a plethora of reasons aside from the academics) and having this overwhelming sense that it was “meant to be.”</p>
<p>But…we’ve taken a reality pill on the chances of actually getting that acceptance letter. Still feel we love it & still planning to visit & apply there…but we also don’t want to be left emptyhanded come March 10. We greatly appreciate you & all those on CC who have been where we are & are willing to shed some light on the subject, particularly the importance of choosing alternatives to that singular route we initially had in mind.</p>
<p>No denying the name Exeter holds an extraordinary amount of clout in many circles and rightfully so. But for us, it’s got very little to do with the top tier name or the advantages that diploma would offer at Harvard and the like. I suppose we’d feel differently if we were pursuing the idea of BS because our child was only interested in landing in East Coast Ivy or we had a long family history to uphold of attending the tippy top ACRONYM schools in the NE. But neither of those scenarios apply here. Actually, Stanford has always been the great college love for our kid since the ripe old age of 5, when we made the move to N. Cal. Being about an hour from campus, and already knowing so many alums within our circle of friends neighbors and business associates, I can’t really say that we are upset with the notion of being Stanford parents, either. Although our retirement funds may beg to differ! 
</p>
<p>Ironically, if the only goal here was finding a surefire way to get our kiddo into a college like that, then attending the local public school here would probably offer just as good, if not BETTER odds of being accepted. Certainly a whole lot less competiton from fellow HS students here in terms of rising to the top of the class & of course, less $$. Pretty certain that a 3.9-3.95 GPA would carry over fairly effortlessly (going from academic driven private K-8 to below avg performing public 9-12) so assume being in the top 1% of the graduating class wouldn’t be a stretch. And with only 30% even taking the college entrance exams there, standing out would not be all that difficult. But for us (and even moreso what our child has expressed to us) it was that 30% number & what it said about the number of kids who WERE on that same path of learning & actually WANTING to learn. I know for us (and more importantly, for our child), the idea of being surrounded by kids of all backgrounds: gay & straight, rich, poor & everything in between, world traveled or never been away from home, born here or half way around the world…this is what excites us & our child more than anything! And except for having a large representation of international students, our local public high school could offer up most of those things with no problem. The one thing missing, however was the thing that mattered most to our child. Was everyone there BECAUSE of their thirst for knowledge & love of learning? Everyone from the students to the teachers & faculty? In fact, does everyone care if they graduate? The answer to all those questions was unfortunately no and that’s what started this whole boarding school adventure in motion.</p>
<p>May sound corny but this was the single most important factor at play and knowing it’s at the heart of all of this was reason enough for us to do everything we could to find the right fit. Like many others, if we had a school close to home that offered the same teaching style, philosophy, diversity (and FA) that many of these amazing BS’s do, we wouldn’t think twice. Unfortunately, although there are numerous schools that offer unique and even quite progressive educations here in the Bay area, they come with an incredibly hefty price tag and very, very little FA (if any) for middle class families in our income bracket. (At least that we have found thus far). Nearly every school we looked into & would seriously consider was in the high 20’s to mid-30’s and any sizable scholarships are mostly reserved for low income families. In my opinion, rightfully so, as they recognize the need to diversify their student population. Otherwise, choosing would be just from a pool of kids whose families can mostly all afford this sort of tuition without much help or even any at all. These schools endowments are also much smaller than those typically found in the NE schools & they are not drawing from an international pool of kids, so there’s even less $ avai to middle class families- supposed “hooks” or not. Meaning no offense, as they are fine schools, however the vast majority are still, in fact, mostly filled with very wealthy kids from SF and Silicon Valley. And this is not the experience we are searching for in a private school either. We have a few friends who send their children to some of these schools & although the education itself is great, every family we know has admitted that the divide between the haves and have nots is pretty obvious. Their children also don’t have the added benefit of being educated along side of kids from many other countries, which we hold high on the list of must haves in our search. </p>
<p>We have been blessed over the years that we have been able to travel a great deal (especially when we can tag along on hubby’s business trips or use points/ miles) so the 3 of us have seen many parts of the world we’re grateful our child has learned at any early age what it’s like to be an outsider exploring other cultures. Not only that, but even more importantly, learned to APPRECIATE those differences that contribute to so many different points of view. Not to sound too philosophical because I realize we’re still speaking of someone who is only 13, but it has truly astonished me to hear some of the enlightened things that come from our kid after they’ve had an aha moment on a trip overseas. The ability to grow on that throughout some of the most formitive years, especially at a place such as Exeter, is something we feel is worth the effort here.</p>
<p>So, if you’ve hung in there this far…THANK YOU! Hopefully that helps explain a bit more about what our family is looking for in a school. On a personal note, I would also add the following: While our child is quite mature in many ways, they’re still VERY much a kid w/ a terrific sense of humor, goofy side and a love of playing video games, climbing trees and watching action movies. We are & always have been an incredibly closeknit family & being just the 3 of us, we spend a great deal of time together & REALLY enjoy it. Thankful, kiddo still thinks of us as great friends even though we have never made that our goal. Has friends in all groups at school, incl looking out for the younger ones. Perhaps b/c of being an only child? Has been away on mission trips & done things on own, but realizes BS is a much bigger step than all of that combined. Realizing how much we would all miss eachother, unanimous feeling that the opportunity outweighs the heartache of being apart. This kid is self-motivated, has honestly never been nagged by either of us to study or do well (very self aware from an early age that learnng & doing well benefit you- you alone are responsible for what you do). Very personally involved in causes near and dear: animals, helping homeless & underserved, anti-bullying. Gets along with virtually anyone, played interscholastic sports all years available but LOVES playing musical instruments more than anything and excels at it. (No awards just genuine talent and a few solos at school). Polite, compassionate & wants to find school that holds chapel/ has youth group- really enjoyed being a part of church from very young age. Knowing how proud we are of our child, as a student but even more because they are a kindhearted & genuinely good human being, we feel like any school would be luckly to get such a great kid. But we also understand that the schools we’re talking about likely hear from countless familes every single day saying the same.</p>
<p>So, knowing what you know about the many fabulous schools you do…If you had to highlight a few of these “lesser known” but still incredible schools, which ones might you choose and why? At this point, I can say that we have somewhat narrowed it down to Exeter, SPS and Choate. All b/c of the style of learning, and the music/arts programs at SPS seem very appealing! We will be flying cross country to visit soon, which will be expensive enough to do once and likely a second time for revisits so the initial visits to all schools will probably need to be in one shot, over 1-2 days. We’d like to be able to visit as many as possible without spending time at any that really don’t seem to be a good fit. (I know it probably isn’t fair to go only on what we read/ see on school websites in order to decide which ones warrant an actual visit, but we are limited by both funds and time, unfortunately). </p>
<p>We are pretty open to each school’s interpretation of what makes them special. But the 5 things that we consider absolute MUSTS:</p>
<ol>
<li>ZERO tolerance for drugs, bullying and hazing. Not just in theory but in practice. </li>
<li>The style of learning needs to be interactive w/ little if any lecturing and more about discussions between students/ teachers. (Love the idea of the Harkness table) </li>
<li>Seeking an environment that offers a real sense of family while still allowing for a true sense of individuality. Not too big, not too small. Not too rigid or strong sense of needing to conform. UNIFORMS are fine so don’t mean that. *Should probably also note that while our family certainly falls into the category of “West Coast liberal” & we are not looking for a school considered to be idealogically conservative (or full of MOSTLY very conservative students & teachers), we also don’t necessarily want to pick a school that allows only one view where one must follow suit in order to fit in. Haven’t really found this to be an issue in any of the schools we like so far but just thought I’d put it out there, if this might be the case at certain BS’s.</li>
<li>Strong commitment to diversity in both student population & faculty but w/ sense of inclusion for all who attend. (We understand that given the nature of this kind of education, to a certain extent, “the old guard” will always be well represented which is no problem for us & fits right in line with the ideal of “attending school with kids from all walks of life.” Just not interested in schools that are PRIMARILY known for being the old stomping ground for Junior V, VI, VII / 3rd generation Deb crowd who use seasons mostly as verbs. :)</li>
<li>And of course, somewhere that has substantial ability to offer FINANCIAL AID for a middle income family like ours is key! (Hopefully without making our child’s chances of getting accepted even MORE stiff). Afterall, no matter how fantastic a school is- if we can’t afford it or asking for FA kills the chances of a yes, there’s no sense in applying. (Another reason SPS is so appealing to us is their new FA policy, which I hope is as wonderful in reality as it sounds, in theory)! If so, given everything else we love about it so far, they would probably be at the top of the list for us right now.</li>
</ol>
<p>Plenty to chew on I know. Thoughts??</p>