Only Accepted to 2/19 Colleges.. why?

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thank you to those who left kind comments :slight_smile:

I know I asked “why” in my thread but i sabotaged myself on that one because it just made me spiral even more. every single day since decisions I have asked myself “what is wrong with me” “why couldn’t I have been better” “why didn’t I do this” etc and I recognize it won’t change anything. this whole process has genuinely taken something from me, given me almost daily panic attacks/breakdowns and has made me so sad all the time. It comes in waves but I’m starting to feel a little okay now, but especially during the night I just think about it again and get so said especially because of all the people I’m surrounded by.

I found a roommate at UMD who is super sweet and I’m excited to get to know her! Im excited to learn at smith and have essentially a free year there. Im excited to have an internship local and continue my involvement in certain ECs. Im still set on transferring, my family can afford it and like I said I’m considering going into prestige heavy fields and would like a better business program. i worked hard for something and even though I didn’t get it this year, I’m going to try next year. but make no mistake, I will enjoy my first year. i will make memories, I will cherish the opportunities and classes I have. I won’t let my transfer plans get in the way of a memorable year.

thank you all for ur kind support :slight_smile: you all were the parents and people I needed instead of the relatives who only spoke to me when they found out I had accomplishments or the peers who wouldn’t talk to me unless I got a new activity on my resume.

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‘would like a better business program.’

Sorry to keep belaboring but what does this mean ?

Define better. You mean higher ranked. Well, I can’t even find BUs US News rank - they don’t publish it on their website - just poets and quants. So I’ll assume #23 Smith is higher. And they were on your list.

If you really want this and I think you are way undervaluing Smith in this regard, look at transfer #s. Some schools won’t want 2nd years and if they do, your HS record and test will be a part of the evaluation. Also many schools don’t offer merit or assure need for transfers.

Look at the #s in the Common Data set. For example, Gtown is under 10%. NYU Stern is openly states they mainly fill transfers from within NYU vs outside. BU - it’s a possible - as they accept over 1/2 the transfer apps. You know why - money:

Here’s how they answer this question: Do all transfer students who apply for need-based aid receive it?

A. No. - they elaborate that they try but this is the crux.

Plan better, knowing costs, acceptance rates and opportunity for merit at each you look at .

Finally - who is to say there are better b schools than UMD? There are, by US News, higher rated schools. But how is US News the expert.

UMD places many in consulting and I banking and many who go to top schools, as you deem them, fall short. So there are no guarantees.

So think about this - why should school X accept you next year ? You’ll have to answer that.

I wish you luck and seeing both my kids at safeties (not in the same hemisphere as UMD ranking wise - and yes, both like you, were admitted as Scholars)…and seeing their outcomes this far (one graduating, the other just landing a great internship), I think your ideas of what one school delivers over another are far off. The student is the one that delivers - even in the world of finance.

Best of luck to you. Enjoy College Park. Get to know your profs - you’ll need them if you want to leave (LORs) so get embedded.

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There is NOTHING wrong with you! You are incredible! Just not the flavor that the highly rejective were looking for. But you have a great option in UMd. Lean into it, keep doing everything you love. You will still be just as successful as you would have been having gone to a T20 private school.

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OP, I get it. One of the collegekids, in a similar situation, ended up with the only choices being safeties that others in her class mocked. Two things helped.

First, breaking down the whole swirling mess of unhappy feelings into different parts: the people who are making life unhappy. the feeling that all that work was ‘wasted’ (b/c you could have gotten with only half the effort). the feeling that your parents are disappointed in you (whether or not that feeling is accurate!). the feeling that your future is less bright/your goals are harder to attain. the feeling that you are going to have to do this whole thing all over again next year. etc. T

With our collegekid we actually got physical with this: we got out oranges and wrote each of these things on a different orange with a sharpie and then tossed them to her for her to juggle. She could juggle two easily and three for a couple of minutes, and the others of course fell and went back in the bowl. Those oranges got a workout! but it helped her break all the pieces down. For example, she decided that although she fully planned to transfer, there was no place that she wanted to transfer that would take a second semester first year student (they exist, they just weren’t places she was interested in), and transfer apps go in during the spring, so she was putting that orange back until after winter break, and until then she would work on being a star at the place she was going.

The other thing, I’m sorry to say, you will have to wait another 3-5 weeks for (depends on your school) and then another 8-9 weeks. Once school has broken up, and graduation is over, a huge amount of this unhappiness will start to settle down, b/c you will be out of the cauldron you are in now. Hand on heart, your mornings will be brighter. Then as the start of the new school year approaches, and you start integrating with the program, you will be forward focused- b/c you are going to be a star- and this time you are going to focus on the things you really care about, not what other people tell you is important.

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OP, I have been following your story. I am really sorry for your disappointment in your application results. It sounds like you are finding your way to setting yourself up for a good start at UMD and to do great whether you stay or transfer. You’ll work that out and need the same strong freshman year either way.

What I wanted to say to you, because you have spoken so honestly about feeling judged for outcomes and valued for achievements, is that you need to be wary of doing this yourself. First and foremost, don’t do it to yourself! You know that you are smart and capable-- where you go to school doesn’t change that. Take advantage of opportunities if they interest you. It’s always nice to get external validation but think about all the ways you get that that aren’t prizes, awards, or college acceptances.

And equally important, don’t judge others this way. You’ll miss out on tons of really wonderful people and their gifts if you see them in the hierarchical way you have felt others in your family have seen you. It’s hard when you have grown up this way to abandon the habit, but the sooner you do it, the better and the richer your life will be.

And in the way of life advice, while everyone has to do some things they don’t like at school, work, etc., really evaluate why you are doing what you do and whether it is giving you meaning and joy. There are a lot of high school students who do things because they think it’ll make their college applications look better without much thought as to what they want from the experience. There is only so much time in a day - use it wisely. Yes, it’s important to understand what a grad school, employer, etc. wants, but there are a lot of ways to demonstrate that.

I am impressed by your understanding of your own feelings about your situation and and am cheering for you.

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To quote my favorite college application related podcast, it’s not where you go that counts…it’s about what you do when you get there and what you do when you get out of there that matters.

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It seems to me that your family and peers are looking at college name as the “prize,” and have set up some artificial hierarchy in which UMD is at the bottom. In reality, college is not the prize. It is part of the journey, and a short one at that. The 4 years go by fast.

There are plenty of happy and very successful people (as defined by them) who attend their state school. I have a family member who attended a top LAC and has done nothing (literally) in the years since graduation. Success is highly dependent on the student.

Years ago my daughter turned down a full tuition scholarship at Pitt. Why? Partly because the kid behind her had just received an email from Pitt and made fun of the school. Guess what? My D interviewed for additional scholarship money and was incredibly intimidated by the students, several of whom had already published in science journals and were having intense conversations with the interviewer (professor) about physics. Fast forward, and Pitt was on my D’s grad school list.

My D attended an OOS flagship and was very happy. Fast forward to today and she is heading to a different OOS flagship for grad school - one that she never would have considered as a HS junior looking at colleges. And this “regular” flagship was her first choice.

When my D was in college she had a summer research position at a very well known children’s hospital. The program accepted 50 students. At the end of the summer we attended their presentation and learned that there were students from all over the country. Duke, as well as the U of Kentucky (for example). Again, it’s the student who creates their own success.

Once you leave your HS bubble (no offense intended) everything we are saying will become clearer. I hope your family begins to understand. I wish you well!

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I’m so sorry @iseeusee I hope that you understand that the college application process does not reflect your value as a human being. This is such a vulnerable process. You open up about your dreams, goals, and the entirety of your life’s work during this process. Of course it’s hard to not take it personally or feel like you aren’t enough.

I’m so proud of you. I can only imagine that it wasn’t easy. You will be going through so many transitions in your life and it is so important to try and stay grounded right now.

I’m concerned about all the internal and external pressures you are dealing with right now. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor or trusted community member for support. You don’t have to suffer alone. It’s okay to be sad, disappointed, or frustrated. You need to surround yourself with people who love and support you :heart:

If you can, take some time for yourself. Can you take some time in nature? Can you take a break from the academic hustle and focus on a personal goal that’s important to you? What do you need right now? How is your mental, physical, and emotional well being?

I hope you will find a much better support system at UMD.

Have the courage to listen to your inner voice and separate yourself from communities that don’t bring value to your life. It is of the utmost importance to take care of yourself right now. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

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For sensitive people, college selection can represent an especially impactful event partly because it occurs at an impressionable time of life. As an example (other than yourself), this prominent respondent to the Proust Questionnaire spoke about his college choice when asked to state his “greatest regret”:

In this case, you may want to note that the respondent went on to serve as a two-term governor of Massachusetts.

Feel free to let your situation resolve over the next few months. Considering a transfer, if desired, at the appropriate time, would be fine as well. I wish you the best of luck.

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Three thoughts…

Based on your posts it looks to me like you are a very intelligent and thoughtful person. In elementary through high school life can be hard for very intelligent students, because they (or we) are in a relatively small minority. How small might depend upon which schools you attend. Once you go to university, there will be a major change. Smart and thoughtful students will be vastly more common. There will be a lot more students who are “like you” (in ways that matter such as being smart and thoughtful) than you have met in the past. This will be true at UMD, as well as any other very good university. You might have to look a bit to find students who are “like you”. You might want to join a club or two. If you do not like the first club you join, then try another one. It might take a bit of time. Other students who are smart and thoughtful might not look like you. They might be a different race, or have tattoos, or ???. The first people you notice might be more noisy or aggressive. However, over time you will meet more students like you than you have ever met in the past.

First, you are going off to a very good university in September. Everything did not go to waste. Getting into the scholars program is something that you earned. Since you said that UMD will be “essentially free” I am wondering whether you also earned a merit scholarship.

The fact that you worked hard in high school will give you another big advantage. You are well prepared to do well in university. Classes at UMD will be academically stronger than what you are used to. As you get into upper year courses they will get a bit tougher still. You will be well prepared to do well when this occurs.

One daughter had an experience that might have an overlap with what you are likely to find. She was the #1 student in her high school. She wanted a small school, and had the stats to get into a top New England LAC (we live in the Northeast of the US). We could not afford them. She instead attended a small “primarily undergraduate” university in Canada. In high school her friends were bugging her about it and asking “where?”. I told her that as soon as we got to Canada this was going to change to “great school”. She and I flew up for the orientation and arrived at customs. The custom’s agent asked why we were there so I said “to attend university orientation, my daughter starts in September”. He asked “which university”. My daughter pointed to her t-shirt. Literally the next two words out of his mouth were “great school”. This same enthusiasm continued for the entire weekend at the school. She then did very well over the full four years at this university (including some great internship and research experience – which helped her a lot when looking for a first job back here in the USA).

You are likely to find something similar when you arrive on campus at UMD. You will be meeting people for whom UMD was their dream school. You will be surrounded by people who understand that this is a very good university. You will most likely find good internship or research opportunities. It will not be high school all over again.

And you will be going into this very well prepared to do well.

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I just think the whole TikTok thing does not really demonstrate intellectual intensity, which is what the elite schools seek… I don’t think they want pop stars. College is for learning and discourse, and this may simply not resonate…

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I don’t know anything about UMD or prestigious schools (mine went to CC and directional public). But this quote reminded me of something my DD came across at her little Midwest public. She had a professor she loved that has been all the places and done all the things in her field and had a choice to teach at prestigious U or little unknown public U. The prof decided to come to the directional public because she felt she could make more of a difference there. And that’s sort of the idea I see in the quote above. She certainly inspired DD to think about where she could go in her career to build up the community rather than where everything was already built up.

PS My girls learned to not be apologetic when answering what their college plans were, and instead share their excitement and the reasons for it to those who asked. Sorry those close to you are giving you a hard time.

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The thing is that OP has other pursuits that demonstrate intellectual intensity. So, if anyone reading her application pegged her as “shallow” in some way because of the TikTok thing, that would definitely be an unfair bias. Yet, I could see it happening, particularly if being an “influencer” came off as the centerpiece of her application, by virtue of being featured in her personal statement.

I certainly don’t think this would be consistent enough to have sunk her applications across the board - it’s just one factor and surely every AO doesn’t have this bias - but not everyone is a fan of “influencer” culture.

Not saying OP did anything wrong; she just asked for possible reasons “why?” and this was what struck me.

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1.3 mil followers. I personally think it’s a huge plus.

But I think their overall academic profile and test while strong, is not strong to the level she sought. Of course none of us will truly know but her academic stats are solid, but not spectacular, even at UMD which is a school that has ratchet up its admissions profile very quickly.

Don’t know about 2024 but if you look at the 2022 #s I earlier posted they are super strong.

It’s a great landing spot. Very impressive.

But it’s the in state public bias people get.

Many a kid works hard and ‘deserves’ the highest level of prestige. Unfortunately it’s a competitive world and not everyone can obtain what they feel is deserved.

This is one of many lessons the student will face in life.

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Well, something systemic about her application likely did sink her… Whenever we see a shutout like this, there was potentially sone systematic factor at play (essay, LORs)…

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I’m sorry but I’m just going to defend myself a little bit because I feel like what you said sounded sort of condescending.

I didn’t take away time from my academics to “cultivate followers”. My tiktok account isn’t just me posting videos of myself and trying to get compliments— I post study tips for students and content about school, studying, exam prep, stationery, etc.

The followers were a plus, the paid partnerships with the well known companies, the signing to an agency, it was all a plus. I didn’t start the TikTok as a resume booster or as something to spend my time on throughout high school as an extracurricular— I did it purely out of love and passion for helping other students and sharing my study techniques.

Like I said, I know my stats could’ve been better. I lost my 4.0 junior year when my mom left the country for a month and 2 weeks and my dad, who drives an Uber for a living, couldn’t be home for most of the day and I had to take care of my brother while my grandmother I hadn’t seen in years died. I know a 3.86 unweighted isn’t extraordinary but it’s certainly within range.

Obviously the 1440 wasn’t good. However a lot of kids get into a lot of the schools I applied to with around the same GPA with a test optional status so I didn’t think it would completely shut me out. I studied for the SAT and took it a few times, I tried. I didn’t go on TikTok all day, I studied and I tried.

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thank you so much for being so so kind, reading this made me tear up and it’s not everyday where I hear the words “I’m so proud” and “how are you”. i think after I graduate (may 23!!) I will finally be able to take some time and heal. i think one thing to cope has been obsessing over the transfer process so that’s sort of derailed my “focus on me” time by a year but im still going to try and separate my worth from my accomplishments. It was so nice of you to say this, thank you

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I think her academics are strong. Her test is strong.

But neither is at the highest level. They’re at a very high level tho.

The sad part is the student has already demonstrated more success than many of us have, at least from an entrepreneurial bent. The student is working with other brands as a result of their tik tok.

This is self done.

In 20 years this student is likely to look back at grads from many top schools and at least vs the average Joe from those schools - this person has a chance to create and develop where most of us just take what’s out there already and optimize. We are in the machine. But we don’t create it.

The college is likely irrelevant to a student like this. She just doesn’t realize it yet. If you have 1.3 million followers, you should probably be teaching a class.

I do agree with another poster that Babson might be a solid direction for the student if she really does decide to move on.

I also worry when a student says their desired field needs prestige whereas most my even know what consultants or I bankers do. And there’s so many nuances to these positions.

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I think you sound like a really strong student, and I am impressed by your thoughtful, mature, and non-attacking response to the above post. I think you will do extremely well wherever you go.

I also want to make sure you know something about waitlists (because other posters in the past have not). Make sure you deposit by tomorrow at one of your two acceptances to ensure you have a place to go next semester. And then if a waitlist offer comes through over the summer, you can switch to that school – that is perfectly fine, and all that will happen is that you will lose your deposit at the first school. You very likely know this, but some students in the past didn’t know that the waitlist can extend through the summer and that it’s okay to commit to an acceptance and then dis-enroll if a preferred school comes through off the waitlist.

Wishing you the best!

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