Hey, everyone can I get an opinion on how I should phrase this sentence. I have been agonized over it for an hour and made little progress.
Which one do you guys think is better:
Option 1: I believe everyone deserves the opportunity to improve their life and want to help as the country works towards a better future for all people.
or
Option 2: I believe everyone deserves the opportunity to improve their lives and want to help as the country works towards a better future for all people.
This is.a cut and dry grammar question. Either use a singular form (everyone deserves) or a plural form (all people deserve) and conjugate the verb in the first clause accordingly. As written, “everyone deserves…to improve his life”. The singular “their”, instead of “his” is technically incorrect but widely used.
The problem is that “everyone” is singular and thus the singular possessive pronoun is required – “his or her” instead of “their.” Once you make that change, you’ll see that the singular form of “life” falls into place. If the “his or her” feels too clunky, you can recast the sentence with a plural subject, and use “their lives.” To avoid ambiguity, you might consider adding an additional “I” before “want.”
Nobody really cares to much about those essays right? They lack validity as a tool for selecting students because it is impossible to tell which part was written by the student, if any. Obviously requiring students to submit a graded paper or essay, hopefully in history or science, would be a far better test. Let’s chuck the “How does my navel look to me” type of essay. They are sickening.
I vote for a more personal sentence that describes YOUR desire/passion. What are YOU doing right now to make the world a better place? That is what would intrigue me to stay interested in your essay. (Assuming this would be for a college admissions essay.) Whether it is teaching inner city kids how to read, coaching younger swimmers on your swim team, or helping immigrant adults learn to speak English as a second language, what you contribute and find meaningful tells a story about who you are and what you value.
I agree with post #2, but also would change the end of your sentence. I’d say something like:
I believe all people deserve the opportunity to improve their lives and do what they can to help as the country works towards a better future for all people.
Everyone deserves the opportunity to improve their lives, and I believe that by working together we can help our country and our people reach for and achieve that brighter future.
“I believe everyone deserves the opportunity to improve their lives and want to help as the country works towards a better future for all people.”
Hmmm, the country is not working towards a better future, it’s the people who are…aren’t they?
Like nugraddad’s the best.
Everyone deserves the opportunity to improve their lives, and I believe that by working together we can help our country and our people reach for and achieve that brighter future.
I disagree with the premise. I do not believe that everyone deserves an opportunity to improve their life, forget about the rest of that run on stuff about how great the country is working toward a better future.
I believe in capital punishment in certain circumstances. Just not for grammar violations. But maybe for idiots who tear pages out of library books.
So I would take the premise in a completely different direction, not so focussed on the trite cliche answers Miss America candidates would give while trying to say they want Whirled Peas.
