My 5th grade son goes to a private day school on the West Coast. He has been very happy with almost all aspects of his new school this year; however, I have come to learn that soon all 5th graders will be taught “puberty” material that are quite explicit and detailed beyond the comfort level of our family. We are a Christian family holding onto “abstinence until marriage” viewpoint.
I am just wondering how other families might have handled a situation like this. If at all possible, I would like him to opt out of the class when they go over such material.
My son and I recently attended a 4.5 hr “puberty” class held by a university hospital in our area, and I believe this class has provided sufficient factual information re human development, reproduction, etc for a preadolescent kid like my son.
Would greatly appreciate hearing about your experience or suggestions that you may have. My apology in advance since this does not pertain directly to boarding schools.
Have you spoken with the principal or whomever is in charge of the instruction to request the opt-out? I think this is between your family and the school and should not become a discussion here of opinions on the appropriateness of the material for the age group. You have decided that you are not comfortable with the material for your child, so you should handle the issue directly with the school. Opinions here are irrelevant to your situation.
This forum is primarily frequented by high schoolers and their parents (some middle school/junior boarding school) where I don’t believe this would be an issue.
I have briefly shared my concern with my son’s advisor during the curriculum night a couple of months ago. I plan on sending an email in the near future. I just wanted to be better informed so that my communication may be more considerate and effective. In some ways, I am a bit hesitant to press this issue forward since I have a younger son who will be applying in the future, and I don’t want to be labeled as “difficult” parent.
Based on what I heard from other parents, this issue seems to have affected a number of families and will linger through high school years. In couple of cases in upper school, I heard that it did not end very well.
My apology again if this post is not appropriate on this forum. However, I would still welcome anyone’s input. Perhaps, you could pm me if it is easier. Thx. again.
I very much doubt that you will be the only parent expressing concern. Contact the school and politely tell them that you would like your child to be excused from the discussion and that it is something that will be discussed at home.
My DD went to a large public school up through 8th grade and while we didn’t opt out, there were many, many families that did.
I don’t think this will be anything that will label you a “difficult parent.”
Alternatively, you may want to ask for a rough outline of the syllabus or teacher’s lesson plans and pull your son out for the one or two lessons you don’t feel are appropriate. This way it wouldn’t make him “stand out” in his class if he doesn’t show for just one or two periods and you wouldn’t worry about sounding “unreasonable”.
Another alternative is to stress that some of the things that are taught in school, such as the Puberty unit, are commonly believed in non Christian families, so you respect other families’ right to learn about it but for yourselves, his parents, you don’t feel it fits with your beliefs. You can then choose to let him attend the lessons after “warning” him and “supplementing” them with your own teachings, or explain that he won’t be attending the lessons for this reason but should feel free to talk with the teacher if he feels like it (or something along those lines, ie., it’s just that unit, not the teacher, not the school, which you respect and trust, which he can respect and trust).
^^I would also suggest pulling him just for the parts that are not in line with your family values. There is one kid at our school who is often pulled and he is definitely made fun of and his parents are as well. This is a different situation but something to be aware of.
Reminds me of sitting in on a parent review of the 9th grade sex ed curriculum at my kid’s school. 6 parents there: 1 couple worried about whether the teachings were Christian enough (these are the parents who kept their kid home on national coming out day all the way through HS - yes, other kids and parents rolled their eyes). A lesbian couple concerned about whether homosexuality would be discussed in a negative light (their kid’s are straight). And me and spouse, parents of an LGBTQ kid who wanted to see what would be discussed regarding our kid’s sexuality (would all the material be focused on heteronormative scenarios? Answer was yes — interesting in light of the fact that about 10% of kid’s class was LGBTQ of some flavor by senior year of HS).
Bottom line is that your kid is going to go through puberty, is going to find out the facts of life and be interested in topics related to it (whether he chooses to engage in any activities or not), and he will be exposed to other students along the natural spectrum of sexuality in the next several years. Pulling him from this class isn’t really going to protect him in any way.
I would either ask to opt out or at least ask to preview the materials before allowing my child to attend. My sister-in-law is our school nurse so I called her when my first child was going to be having the puberty class and she assured me that it would strictly be about changes to their body and things of that nature, but our area is a small town in the deep South so that might not be true everywhere. I would want to be sure that the lesson is strictly physiological and no viewpoints are expressed or any behavior normalized which would go against my family’s beliefs.
At my kid’s K-8 school, a parent asking that their child be pulled during puberty-related teaching would be somewhere around #10,000 on the list of things parents had requested and/or done that might get them labelled “difficult”. I’d say you’re fine on that front and should be comfortable making your request (actually, demand…but a nice demand ).
My daughter had this in her prep, in 5th grade. Yes, explicit, about protection. It was not a guide book to future sexual activity. Not in the least. Nor anything that advocated for early sex or against abstaining. I know of no parents who objected.
Thank you everyone for your responses, tips, and assurances. I think I will first try to find out more accurately exactly what will be discussed and go from there.
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