Our story of one bright student hoping to escape mediocrity

Parents Social Lounge
1

While we are all biting our nails waiting for the last acceptances to come in, I thought I would share our story with you all and say thanks for this forum! I mostly “lurk” but it has helped me a ton to know we are not alone in this crazy journey.

Here is our story (briefly) :smile:
We are from a medium size nondescript city in the midwest. It’s a town where almost everyone goes to the public high school, which is not outstanding. Less than half of seniors go straight to 4 year colleges, and the vast majority of those to in state schools. No one from D’s school has every gone to an Ivy and only a handful have gone out of state, mostly to the neighboring state’s flagship.

Now, D has turned out to be unique, truly. I won’t bore you with all details, but she has outshined most everyone else here. She has done tons of things her peers would not have considered - gone out of state in the summers, taken online classes in addition to regular schedule, won lots of awards, including one major national one. I never would have predicted this and we certainly did not have Ivy League banners on her walls as an infant!

She knows she is different and it was her idea to try and get into a “good” school. Again, very unique. We did all of the things her friends never considered - spring break college road trip last year, taking SAT 3 times and subject tests twice, applying (and getting accepted) to very competitive summer research program last summer, spent months writing essays. We started this whole thing knowing next to nothing about it, and have learned tons, much of it thanks to one out of town college friend of mine with a son in a similar situation.

The last month has been very stressful. Local friend’s kids are already making plans to attend state schools. I don’t really talk about the one thing that has dominated my life for the last year as I don’t want to be seen as bragging. It’s very isolating. I doubt we will go through this all again with our other two, but if we do, I’ll at least know what I’m doing next time!

So, I’ll share with you all:

Daughter already in at out of state flagship school with full scholarship (backup - she is not applying anywhere in our state!). Applied EA to her dream Ivy and was deferred. Got early write to Smith, accepted to WUSTL and likely letter from Cornell, and wait listed yesterday from Case Western! Wait listed, really?? Visiting WUSTL again and Cornell for first time in April. Still holding breath for 3 other Ivy’s including dream on 3/31. But, if none of those three come through, already has great options, and she is very excited about Cornell, which was a last minute add on but after more investigation has risen straight to top of list! (Engineering) So pressure is off somewhat now. Worst part will be having to decide I think.

I’m grateful for:
All of the supportive people at D’s high school who have not known quite what to do with her but have done their best.
The fact that we actually live where the public school is only option, because I suspect if we had private options and really bad public ones, we would have felt compelled to shell out big bucks for the private option.
D and her dreams. She inspires me and I am really going to miss her next year.

Thanks for reading this and thanks for being here for support for parents like me who started out clueless 2 years ago!

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So, what’s the mediocrity part? Going to a state school?

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Mmm, I saw mediocrity as her current situation at a less than desirable high school. By the way, congrats to your D! We’re in the same boat. Most of my graduating class is going to community college first, which is not what I want for myself.

4

Sad that even folks who live in the Midwest buy in to the mediocrity stereotype.

Then again, I live in NJ, so it’s not like our state has a reputation for being a source of the best and brightest, despite Princeton.

Congratulations to your daughter! Cornell being in upstate NY might be a great fit for her, she can take a train ride to NYC for the weekend but the environment is somewhat more like the Midwest than most of the Northeast.

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Mediocrity is the mediocre education she is currently getting at her high school, the lack of “push,” the lack of ambition she runs across on a daily basis. Sorry if that wasn’t clear. A good story is that one night we were at a parent-teacher night talking to 2 AP English teachers who asked her plans. She told them (mistake) and they immediately launched into a story about a girl a few years ago who wanted to go to a selective private U, took the ACT multiple times, didn’t get in and is now very happy at the local state U. Message - stay on the farm. Really sat poorly with D, who now doesn’t tell people.

I didn’t mean the state U was mediocre but the lack of support for kids like mine in our high school is definitely.

6

Thanks a LONG trainride from Ithaca to NYC! A drive would take 4-5 hours. Can’t imagine the train would be much faster.

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Most students don’t take cars. And I’d expect it every once in a while, not every weekend.

How about the bus?

http://transportation.fs.cornell.edu/coach/

(Cornell has a NYC campus)

As for how crazy the timing is for a weekend, my parents used to go with a bunch of work buddies to a ski resort many weekends each winter. The ski resort was near Montreal, they were living in NJ.

8

I think that Case Western may be trying to “protect the yield” (as many colleges do)…yield being how many matriculate from those admitted. So once people start choosing to go to CWRU, they can see who on the wait list would defintely attend and then admit them. Also how much “interest” did your daughter show in Case Western? Did she visit?

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I think the OP is talking about the Ithaca campus. And unless things have changed, the bus is the way to go to NYC. The closest train is to Syracuse, an hour or more away.

10

Mediocrity, push and ambition all start at home. You can’t blame it on the school, or anyone else for that matter. I’d be embarrassed blaming my lack of ambition on teachers, too. You’re going to run into good ones and bad ones. Make the most of what you do have.

And, I don’t agree that the message is “stay on the farm”. If you can’t produce ACT results, you do the best with what you have. It wasn’t the teachers’ faults she scored low. If anything, they were telling her that life doesn’t end somewhere below selective privates.

11

I agree about Case–it was my close second choice for a while, visited and everything, but they waitlisted me. Oh well. It’s kind of annoying that they think “Oh, this student will go somewhere ‘better’…” when it’s nearly impossible. You end up getting shut out from elite schools AND more achievable ones.

Anyway my point is don’t take that one too personally!

12

Hey wasn’t trying to start a debate, sorry! Just trying for some support for this really unexpected and unusual (for here) situation we have found ourselves in with this whole college admission thing. I would have been more than happy for the local flagship, out of state flagship or small LAC like my husband and I both went to. It was D herself who pushed the envelope and got us all into this “mess”! :slight_smile: I shouldn’t have used the word mediocrity, I should have realized that would push buttons. I guess I’ll go back to being a lurker now. Thanks for the congrats though!! We’re excited.

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I think the message too wasn’t “stay on the farm” but that most who apply to Ivies do not get in, even when they are super driven and ambitious. You’ve seen the admit percentages, right? The message was, it may not happen, no matter how special you are, so don’t be too crushed to move on if you don’t get in.

It’s a good message. One of my nieces found herself in a similar spot and ended up a a safety small LAC where she got an automatic 75% ride and absolutely loved it there. She knew from the get-go that Ivy or bust could end in disappointment.

14

Op-
Nothing wrong with starting a lively discussion! For my part I was just commenting that it’s a longer ride From Ithaca to NYC than might have been implied, so wanted to help. I went to college that was about a 2 hr train ride to NYC. We went occasionally, but not all that often. Good luck!

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Also, it’s crazy that no one understands any of this in her world and if she tries to talk about it gets cross-eyed kind of looks. No wonder she wants to fly away I guess!

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Hi singleparent1,

I don’t think people were annoyed or put off, they just truly didn’t understand it. Most people honestly have no idea why we would consider sending our daughter off to a “fancy”, expensive school when good secondary education is available close by. If I have detected any negative emotion, it is a general sense that somehow we think the local options aren’t good enough for us, as one of the other posters said.

Yes, I have always been reluctant to share what she is up to and usually don’t, that’s why it seems isolating. I will drop a brief comment occasionally or try to offer advice (especially about the PSAT - i think that is not given the attention it deserves). I would be happy to share any info with anyone, and actually tried to share some summer program ideas with the school, but no one was interested so I didn’t push. As far as the process, you are right, it is a ton of legwork and I have learned a ton. It would be easier the second time around but our second is not ambitious like this. Our youngest might be, so maybe my toolkit will be put to good use!

The thing is that we are not a family that was trying for the Ivies all along and won’t be happy with anything else. Lots written about this. I know most don’t get it in and kids who don’t will be happy lots of other places. By the way, I really liked the Wash Post article that came out a few days ago someone linked to. We are a family who was planning to stay mainstream when all of a sudden we found ourselves with this super smart, high achieving offspring with her own plans. Her own plans which are not understood and misunderstood by her school and her friends. Life is so strange!

Good luck to you

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it is a general sense that somehow we think the local options aren’t good enough for us, as one of the other posters said.


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Just be careful how you communicate with your community. Words like, “she didn’t apply to anywhere instate” is likely going to sound snobbish and put-down to where others will be going.

My son had a classmate who frequently announced that “no way” would she apply to anywhere in the region (and her mom said similar). It just came off as “we’re better than you,” and it’s just not good form.

18

I think the OP’s story is very nice…and I also appreciate that she took the time to come to this forum to thank folks who gave her some guidance and assistance.

I’m so looking forward to the final decision for her daughter. Congratulations…even so far, she has some great choices.

Very nice!

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Thanks, thumper1 and all of you! I’ll let you know on this post what ends up happening! mom2collegekids, thanks for the advice and you’re right we have to be careful about that. That is exactly what she has said a few times actually, so I’ll try to educate her about how that can come off wrong and how it is not good form. For myself, I would have been happy with several in state options!

Singleparent1 - I can so relate. No one here even takes the SAT, to say nothing about doing prep courses! My D at times has implied she was going to state flagship as well even though it was blatantly untrue. I thought that too, that explaining her goals would create a support network, but it did not. You have to be your own college counselor and researcher and your own small family unit support network. I will say, at school, they are all sort of amazed and proud of her, but they did not help at all, even though they would have if they would have known how. They care but its just completely out of their world view, and the quality of the classroom education is lacking more through lack of knowledge than lack of caring. We had to do everything ourselves.

20

Although I’m sure there are some in OP ’ s home town who think her daughter is to good for the state schools, there are also many who wish her luck. I grew up in a Midwest town,many farm kinds (I was a town kid). About half the kids in my class went to college, but most of those to the university in our town. Most of the rest went to the flagship or one of the other state schools. A small handful went OOS or to a private school. ACT/SAT not required for state schools, so it wasnt even offered at our school. My sister, 3 years older, traveled to the next town to take it with 2 guys. The three ended up at MIT, Harvard, and Middlebury. Honestly, no one else in the town cared. Wished them well, but had no desire to move away. Thought they were all smart (they were) but that didn’t mean the others weren’t smart either.

Our hs was one of the biggest in the state, great reputation, great teachers, no AP classes. Even now, there are about 6 offered, the feeling being that if you want to take a class that is just like college, mosey on down to the college and take one -it will be just like college because it is college.

My sister ended up at the state flagship after a year,rooming with someone she’d gone to 6th grade with. Middlebury cost too much and the environment just wasn’t right for her at all because it was small and cliqueish and the flagship was plenty challenging for her academically and had the social life she craved… One of the smartest guys I ever met had attended the small state university in our town for 2 years,then graduated MIT, then Harvard law. Different paths.

congrats, but don’t think everyone is jealous or that your daughter is escaping mediocrity. She’s found her place, but the others are not jealous or unhappy. They just want other things.