<p>It's the summer before Im leaving for college. I had wanted to go to a college 3-6 hours away, but in the end I will only be an hour and a half from home. Even so, my mom is freaking out, and really anxious that I'm "leaving." She talks about it all the time.... and she tries to make me promise her to call her every day, and/or agree to meet up with her every week. Furthermore, when I talk about doing a school year abroad (which Ive always wanted to do ) or the fact that someday I'd love to live in Cali or Europe , she gets really upset and acts like this is a personal insult to her and I don't love her. </p>
<p>ITS DRIVING ME INSANE and at this point I just feel caged, and wished I had chosen a school farther away. I love my parents, but she needs to back off. I want to go to college and I DONT want to necessarily be bound to see my parents every week or talk to them every day, or i would be commuting or going to my state school (....both of which she tried to convince me to do). I have told her this but she just gets upset and then acts in the same manner. Furthermore, I do NOT think it is ok for her to discourage me from doing a school year abroad or moving away for the sole reason that I will see her less. I could understand her preferring me to stay nearby, but it seems controlling to strongly discourage me from following a goal like becoming fluent in another language and learning about another culture for this reason. She also really strongly influenced me to go to a nearby school, and it's not like I can inore her advice since she's always around but its really getting on my nerves.</p>
<p>Has anyone else had this problem? What's a girl to do?!</p>
<p>My mom is the exact same way. She wanted me to live at home and go to the school 30 minutes away. I'm going 6 hours away though. Every time I mention something about school, or ask to go buy some school stuff she starts crying. She asks if I'm going to call and stuff. I don't care though. I just ignore it, its all I can do. I figure my mom will get over it, and yours will too.</p>
<p>Hope you don't mind a parent chiming in.
My daughter will be a sophomore this fall. Last year she did check in with me by phone pretty frequently, mostly because she knew it would comfort me to know everything was ok. Just a quick hello sufficed - try to squeeze it in and you'll keep her happy. Here's a tip ...If you call her on your way to class you can just say " Gotta go... class is starting ! " and keep it as short as you like.LOL
Hopefully once she gets used to you being away she will lighten up and be more open about the study abroad thing. Good luck!</p>
<p>yeah, she'll get over it. my mom did. i live only about an hour and twenty minutes from home, and for the first 2 months of college, my mom wanted me to come home every 2 or 3 weeks. then i realized how much i missed at school just being gone for the weekends. after that, i'd go home maybe once a month or less often. then towards the end of the school year, especially after spring break, i didn't go home for 2 months at a time, which considering how close i live, is quite a while.</p>
<p>and throughout all this, my mom pretty much just got used to the increasing intervals--between visits home and calls. it was hard for her at first, but she did ok. granted that your mom isn't truly psycho, she will (or at least should) too.</p>
<p>Call all the time on the way to class, well once a day, and get your five mins out. That's all it takes. Don't ask to study abroad, do it, and explain, "This is something I get to do once, at this time in my life. This is something I need to do now, at this time in my life. Don't take that growth and experience that cannot be replicated away from me."</p>
<p>No loving parent, and your mom obviously is one, would say no to that as long as it's not a financial thing.</p>
<p>The "on the way to class" strategy is a great idea!! And modest- I know you're right, and she will come around, it's just frusterating. but thanks for the advice, and it's nice to hear I'm not alone !</p>
<p>I mean, my mom is fine with me away, but she certainly likes to talk to me. She's pretty understanding about time constraints and rarely keeps me on more than 10 mins, but I always try and call when I'm walking back from my last class for the day ro something like that to check in, let her know how my day was, and hang up when I get in the building because I'll, "Lose you in teh staircase". That's not always true, but she never had to know any better and was quite happy with knowing a bit about my day each day.</p>
<p>It's little simple things that solve this situation, in my experience.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters that have said that talking to your mom everyday isn't as bad as it seems. You know your schedule, so call her when you know it's best. My mom was pretty understanding when I told her I had to sleep, study, eat, etc. </p>
<p>Gas prices are a pretty good reason to not go home every week.</p>
<p>I'm not going to be calling my mom everyday. I sometimes don't talk to her everyday and I live with her. I couldn't imagine talking to her everyday, I'd get so annoyed. x-x</p>
<p>I'm glad my parents were never like this. I called once a week usually, and that was fine. I don't know anyone that calls daily, except maybe for the first month of college.</p>
<p>When my son is away, I just ask him to send me occasional text messages so that I know that he is safe and well. It takes him about ten seconds to send the message, and it puts my mind at ease to know he's OK. Maybe a text message can be a daily compromise, and a weekly phone call will be OK as long as she knows you are OK in between.</p>
<p>My mom was the exact same way and didn't lighten up until partly into my sophomore year (although part of that probably had to do with me starting college early and only being 17 my freshman yr). She wanted me to live at home and go to community college even though I got a full ride from my university. Pfft, I squashed that idea quick. But my mom was definitely one of "those" moms: she would call multiple times a day, leave me voicemails like "Baby where are you? what are you doing? call me back when you get this" if I didn't answer, wanted me to come home every weekend since I was like 1/2 hour away (and I did for a while to please her, but once I decided to stay on campus a few weeks in a row she got mad at me and yelled). Etc etc. One day I had my phone turned on silent still from going to a play the night before, and she called about 10 times and obviously, it was on silent so I didn't hear it. Her voice mails got steadily scarier, and when I actually did pick up she screamed at me WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! and started b-tching me out and saying, "What was I supposed to tell the police if I couldn't find you? I don't know who your friends are, or anything. For all I knew, you could've ran off to Honduras with Carlos!" (Carlos=my ex-boyfriend who I had only just met at the time, and barely knew) It should not be surprising to note that the night this happened was the first night I ever got drunk, lol. </p>
<p>She didn't really let up much until I was finally like, "Look. I have nothing to talk to you about right now, or an hour from now, and didn't the last time you called 2 hours ago. I don't like talking about nothing on the phone, it's a waste of my time. If something actually important happens, I will call you and you can call me. No, 'something actually important' doesn't mean 'there's a tornado watch over the county now', I know that I watch the news." She got mad for a couple days and didn't call but then she got over it, and now we talk on average every other day. Sometimes a few days in a row, but not often. </p>
<p>Moms are just like that sometimes, most often it gets better, especially when they realize, "well, they made it through the first year away without dying or getting arrested". Have a talk with her now or right before you leave so you don't have to deal with it all first year like I did. Just be like, "Mom I love you, and I know you're having a hard time dealing with me leaving, since I'm your baby and all, but I am going to be fine. I will make a promise to call you every day if you promise to keep everything you have to say to that one call. If you forgot something after you hung up, tell me the next day. Also, I promise I will come home once a month and on holidays, but I want to stay and experience college some too. Also, gas is really high and it takes alot to go home all the time." Hopefully that will ease her mind some.</p>
<p>Dang my mom barely calls me once a week. XP and she forgot to call me on my birthday (or until like 11.. well there's like 13 hr difference but) Can't be too bad.</p>
<p>One of my Ds is going into her 3rd year of college and she calls every day. Or I call her and if I don't pick up (becuase i never hear the damn cell ringing) she will call the home phone. When she first went away she came home more as time passes this changed. She now has an apt. and is living there for most of the summer due to a waitressing job that pays the rent. She comes home about once evvery 3 weeks sometimes more sometimes less. Though I wish she was here for the summer I have accepted the changes., She misses home and tries to plan her work schedule to have 3 days home when she can. I miss her but understand. Your mom will bend in the end we all have to. Its part of our jobs as moms to let go, but understand it is hard. I will be sending my 2nd daughter off to college this fall and just last night thinking about it had me in tears. Call your mom everday its the least you can do.</p>
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I could understand her preferring me to stay nearby, but it seems controlling to strongly discourage me from following a goal like becoming fluent in another language and learning about another culture for this reason.
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and/or agree to meet up with her every week
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<p>I agree. These seem excessive to me too.</p>
<p>When at school, perhaps consider visiting the counseling center. The professional staff there no doubt has extensive experience working with kids who have overly controlling parents. Drawing on that experience could be helpful for you.</p>