Hey everybody!
I’m a current senior, looking to go into CS. I have gotten into a couple good schools so far, however, my parents (especially my mother) won’t let me hear the end of the college’s I did not end up getting into. She keeps saying how I’ve only gotten into mediocre colleges at best and how all of her friends’ children have gotten into top notch schools.
So far, I have gotten into UVA (instate), Georgia Tech (OOS) and UCLA (OOS), all for computer science. I have been rejected at Stanford and MIT, and waitlisted at UChicago and Carnegie Mellon (School for Computer Science). I know that the schools I’ve gotten into are terrific, however if I don’t end up getting into a better school I will simply not hear the end of it. I’m waiting on Duke, Berkeley, and the Ivies (minus Dartmouth). Please let me know what you would do in my situation. I know that this is the last week of decisions for me, and it will be nerve-wracking to say the least. Thanks!
Try your best to tune her out and know in your heart that you already got into some great schools.
Gosh that’s ridiculous. The schools you’ve gotten into are also quite selective.
Maybe you could have some sort of neutral response prepared. “So and so’s kid has gotten into THREE Ivies!” “That’s great, I’m sure they’ll do very well.” “Why didn’t you do the same?” “Those schools are very difficult to get into. I’m just happy for So and so’s kid.”
Then in like four months you’ll be out of there and living well at the university of your choice. The best revenge.
Print out the acceptance rates of the schools you got into, especially for OOS. Hand them to her then tune her out.
I’m glad you realize you got into great schools because you did. At some point, being an adult is living your life for you and not worrying about what others think, even parents. Congrats on the great acceptances!
I know that feel man. My dad and I had to sneak out to a navy recruiting district to sign my NROTC cotract (I was 16 so I couldnt just drive myself). My mom was livid since I was “too stupid” to get into a premed program, I wasnt like her friends’ kids that were choosing to go in law school and some other stupid $hit. Just ignore them and carry on. You have been accepted into some outstanding schools
First, congratulations! You’ve been accepted to three amazing colleges and have a very bright future ahead of you. Also congrats for you, yourself, understanding that you have been admitted to great colleges.
Next time your mother complains that you’ve “only gotten into mediocre colleges” tell her that you’re sorry she’s not satisfied with the colleges you’ve gotten into, but that YOU are very happy about these admissions.
Then ask her what her question or solution is for you. That’s what I do when my children or people at work are complaining about something that is unchangeable. Depending on the context, I will ask, “What is your question to me?” or, “Do you have a solution you want to suggest?” These questions get them to focus on what they are saying and what can or cannot be done about it.
Thanks so much for the kind words everybody! I’m still waiting on quite a few schools so if I get into any of those it will hopefully mitigate the situation with my mother, but regardless I’m happy to have gotten into the schools that I’ve gotten into thus far.
It sounds like your mom has some problems unrelated to your college results. I’m a mom, so here’s my take: CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have fabulous choices and clearly worked very hard for your success! I’m really, really proud of you and know you will thrive wherever you decide to go.
(((Hugs)))
Another mom here to say CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve worked hard and it’s paid off in your acceptances into excellent schools. I, too, am very proud of you both for your accomplishments and the maturity you’re showing in dealing with a difficult situation at home. I’m excited for your future!
@PleaseStan You requested, “Please let me know what you would do in my situation.”
I would reply, “I did the best I could in preparing for college and throughout the application process. I would love to have been admitted to every school I applied to, but it didn’t turn out that way. Still, I have been admitted to some great schools that I am excited about. I acknowledge that you are unhappy about the results, so you don’t need to tell me again. But I hope you will become happy for me as I move into the next phase of my life.”
My message for you, echoing most everyone here: “Congratulations!! You have some great options to choose from. After you enroll, work hard and chances are you will do well.”
Perhaps you could refer her to the recent article in the WSJ or NYT which states a child’s intelligence is inherited from the genes of the mother, not the father. Then tell her you did the best you could with the IQ she passed down to you. 