<p>Both of my D’s became much more serious about college search once their friends started doing the same. With his stats it would seem like he would have some classmates who would be pretty far along in their searches. If you have any of his friends over you may “engage” them in college discussion and he may realize he needs to get going?</p>
<p>I actually found a few strategic college visits were better than hours of nagging.</p>
<p>He probably feels like he’s doing his job…and he’s doing it well, excellent GPA and test scores. If you’re interested in the search, why not help him as much as possible? If you can avoid nagging and talking about it constantly. If you know what he’s interested in, and what is important to him…if you have the time and inclination, you can help whittle down an impossibly large list of schools. Then take him for some visits, and of course, let him make the final decision upon where to apply.</p>
<p>My son was busy with many other things, and was so annoyed by the entire process. He thought that just about anywhere would be fine, particularly our local highly rated state school. I did the research and helped him narrow down the list greatly. In the end, he knew exactly what school he wanted to go to (a reach, thank God he got in), and it has been a perfect fit. Not all kids are inspired to do all the BS that comes with the college search. If you like it, why not be his advocate and help as much as possible? I know alot of people would disagree with this, but you know your kid and he sounds like a great one.</p>
<p>As far as Oberlin, we considered that because it sounds like a first rate education. But reading too many comments that if you are a white, heterosexual male, you are the problem and you may not be comfortable, took it off his list. I don’t know how true that statement was, but any school that is not at least somewhat politically diverse was not attractive to my son. Any whiff of that knocked it out, for him.</p>
<p>Shell–I spent tons of time on the whole process, reading and researching. The way I see it, you know your child better than anyone, so you can help steer info their way (ever so gently!) or consider what might be a good fit within the scope of what you can afford. A school that I always had in mind for mine but was initially dismissed by son and hubby was a last minute addition and that’s where my son ended up going and is doing well. Plus the researching helps you burn up extra energy and hopefully diverts you from nagging…maybe…</p>
<p>Shelly, I was much more interested in the college process than my son. When I asked him for the umpteenth time where he might like to go, he said, I really dont care mom; you pick. The search and selection process simply didnt interest him. It wasnt a character flaw or a cause for concern. He was a good student, mature, reliable and perfectly ready for college. I had fun doing the research and he was happy not to be nagged.</p>
<p>I would also say, dont underestimate the value of the time your son spends bonding with his little sister over SpongeBob. My son and youngest daughter have the same age gap. The time they had living together under one roof before he left for college was all too brief.</p>
<p>One thing that worked well for us was to hire a reasonably priced consultant (about $150 for a well prepared hour with us) the summer before senior year. It wasn’t that this person had new knowledge (CC can fill any void), but he provided a mediator between me and DS1 and worked out an evaluation process, including deadlines. Then DS was following the advice of an expert, rather than pacifying his nagging mom. It also kept me in check. We had agreed upon deadlines, and I did not nag or pester until those deadlines had passed. The consultant also suggested a few colleges for DS1 to consider which were good for providing comparisons, and shared stories about other student experiences in recent years that gave DS1 comfort. Just a thought. DS1’s interest increased significantly after starting college visits.</p>
<p>Now with DS2 I have to admit, there is far less interest in the process. He decided a while back that he will only to one safety school (he’s a sports fan). The whole thing lacks the same excitement this time around. It does depend on the interest level of the kid.</p>
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<p>How true! That’s how we got my son to determine he wanted Engineering (or math or physics). Initially it was a fun game. Not Creative Dance. Not Pottery. Not Women’s Studies. Not Theology. Then a fun revelation - Not History. Suprisingly that came before the much expected Not English. It was a running family joke/discussion.</p>
<p>Oberlin has a 3/2 engineering program - students can finish at schools including CalTech. Have your son check it out.
Most emphatically, Oberlin does not discriminate against heterosexual white males as someone above suggested - in fact, most of the males there fit that description and are quite comfortable. Have your son take a look at the student blogs on the website. There is one about a student doing the 3/2 program. <a href=“http://blogs.oberlin.edu/learning/college_courses/i_at_long_last.shtml[/url]”>http://blogs.oberlin.edu/learning/college_courses/i_at_long_last.shtml</a>
I’m not trying to proselytize for the school, but just suggesting you keep an open mind about an option your son showed an interest in exploring.</p>
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very true. The sequential nature of the requirements makes it so. But please be careful: the courses in which you think your son excels may not be where his heart is.</p>
<p>Moving on:
Some HS students are really clueless about all of this (urban/rural, small/med/large, tech/LAC , and so on), so they need some help. We were able to make some close to home forays to representative schools to get the feel for each type.</p>
<p>As far as Oberlin, I agree with mamenyu about keeping an open mind, and forming your own opinions. On the other hand, if you have a kid who leans in a conservative direction, they may not be completely comfortable at what is considered a very liberal school by any measure. If he is a math/science sort of kid, definitely stick with the schools that have high percentages of kids in those fields and are very strong in those majors…though they may change their major 27 times over their college experience (nooooo!!!), they usually aren’t going to switch into fine arts/social sciences if they are techies. It is important to have many good options for him, instead of focusing on only one major.</p>
<p>My son was also not very interested in the college admission process. He was very glad to let me narrow the field for him. With my help he drew up the basic guidlines (smallish liberal arts with strong math and physics departments) within the northeast. We chose about 10 schools to visit. Some were hits, some were not. I didn’t always understand his choices, but I respected them. Each kid is different as is each family. If he is comfortable with you taking the lead then go for it. However, you need to listen to him. Really listen. If he loves math and physics let him go for a math or physics degree! Just because you like those things doesn’t mean you are cut out to be an engineer. Physics majors have the highest acceptance rate to medical school of any major! I also couldn’t disagree more with the poster above. My son did not want to be at a school with mainly science/techy kids. He wanted a LAC. He wanted that both because his interests are broad and because he thought the other students would be more interesting. </p>
<p>It sounds like you need to go back to basics. Big school or small school? Rural or urban? Etc, etc. Ask him why he loved Oberlin. Sometimes they are appallingly bad at articulating things but it may be enough to set you on the right course. Good luck!</p>
<p>I think you have to be a bit careful with just leaving it to the offspring – they may not realize that they are closing doors by being laid back. </p>
<p>Kudos to this mom for making sure SAT and SAT II’s are done. </p>
<p>Involving a friend is often helpful – particularly if you can throw in some freedom, as in “ok, we need you to see a small LAC and a big public university. Do you and Bill want to take the bus/plane to . . .and see these two campuses?” Expect some oops on the way (missed connection, lost wallet, etc) – but it can be wonderfully liberating for the teens and get them revved on the process. </p>
<p>I am, very much, an involved mom. But I knew my oar needed to be out of the campus visits – so I sent DH and Son1 to visit a trio of schools. A couple of years later it was DH, Son2 and two pals of S2. DH is much more laid back than I am and I think that helped the students “own” the campus visits much more.</p>
<p>He liked Oberlin because several people told him he should look at it (because of love of math and music). My neighbor went to Oberlin and talked him up. He hasn’t been there yet… As far as conservative/liberal school, we live in Northampton, MA which is very liberal so he would probably feel right at home there. </p>
<p>My son is confusing to me. He hated Amherst, liked Williams, thought Tufts was so so, and loved MIT. He has taken one class at Smith last semester and will take an Intro to Engineering class this fall but he doesn’t like the feeling of Smith. He thinks the students are “snobby and quiet.” Maybe they just don’t want to talk to high schoolers. :)</p>
<p>His favorite school thus far is University of Rochester… he felt that everybody was very friendly and the students seemed smart and engaged in learning. I think he could get in there and it would just be a question of if we can afford it. I do have Rice on his list but boy would that far away from home and his 5-year-old sister who will miss him terribly and so would his mom…</p>
<p>The distance may be too far, but you might want to check out St. Olaf (very strong in math) and Carleton (strong in everything, and lots of overlap with people who like Williams).</p>
<p>With those test scores and GPA, I’d bet he gets money from Rochester, so don’t rule it out. Maybe he would get need based FA too, but he sounds like a prime candidate for merit scholarships. And he’s used to the cold, so that won’t scare him off!</p>
<p>There is no point trying to figure out what goes on inside their heads. We visited Haverford and Swarthmore one right after the other. 2 very similar schools. My son hated Haverford and loved Swarthmore so much he applied ED! He also really liked U of Rochester. It’s a good school and gives decent Merit scholarships (if you have told us about your financial needs I have forgotten). His stats certainly put him in the running there. As long as he is liking some schools, and it sounds like he is making reasonable decisions, he’s doing ok. Your son might want to look at Swarthmore, the students there are certainly passionate about learning. It has a truely liberal arts engineering program and is very strong in Math and Physics. Our boys sound alot alike. One of our questions at every school we visited was about the ease of getting involved in music if you are not a music major. We even eliminated a school in part because when we asked that question the tour guide couldn’t make sense of it and ended up taking about how aften they put on musicals. He played in the orchestra last years and plans to continue with that again next year!</p>
<p>Just to clarify: I did do a lot of research, talked a lot with my son, and continued to guide and help him after his moment of epiphany, but I also truly meant it when I said that if he really didn’t show more interest in the process, he could work for a year. This was not a threatened punishment, but instead an encouragement for him to really think about whether he wanted to go that year.</p>
<p>As for Oberlin. please please don’t take it off the list because of some misguided hearsay. The idea that white heterosexuals would be uncomfortable there is beyond absurd. And your son loved it.</p>
<p>(Of all the schools my 3 kids looked at, Oberlin was my absolute favorite. For complicated reasons having to do with health, my daughter could not go there, but she absolutely loved it too.)</p>
<p>Nursekay: Our boys do sound alike. We are going to look at Swarthmore. I think he would like it there. Our EFC is high and I believe they do not offer merit there but perhaps it is worth it? My son plays the clarinet and is very torn between double majoring with music or not. I really think he wants to be musically involved but probably not THAT involved. He doesn’t seem to have the drive to practice hours a day even before applying.</p>
<p>Calreader: St. Olaf and Carleton are on that big list I am giving to him to review and narrow. He could get his math/physics there and if he still wants to go into engineering get a masters degree I guess. I love the idea of a small, personalized education where he really knows his professors and that is so hard to find for engineering.</p>
<p>Busdriver 11: I hope you are right about merit aid and Rochester. That would be helpful! I am wondering if he should take the SAT again to get his SAT critical reading score up from 720. What do you think? His scores were CR720, MA760, writing 740. I know it sounds silly but I am wondering if his CR is above 750 if it would help? Then again, I am not sure if he has the time or drive to study and take again.</p>
<p>compmom: Work for a year can be a great motivator. I will never forget my first crappy job in high school. We will probably look at Oberlin and a few other schools in the area.</p>
<p>Sounds like he has shown an interest in several schools, and that you have visited several. You are on the right track. I’d encourage him to see what other schools are like the ones he has shown an interest in. I highly recommend the book published annually by the Yale Daily News, called “The insiders guide to colleges”. Both of my s’s really found it helpful-- its sort of like a Fiske guide written for and by students. Its the book that lit a fire under my younger s. Good luck.</p>