Overprotective Parents Deciding to move in with me at College- Help

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi Guys,</p>

<p>I am posting on the Parents Forum since I am really out of options and maybe some older people could give me light on the situation. My mom and dad have decided to make me live with my dad in a apartment at college to "keep an eye on me". Let me give you some background first. See I used to go to a huge state school and I kinda let myself go out of control. They found out when our housekeeper told them and now even my housekeeper even thinks that my life is sad since I don't have anything to do at the house on a Friday or Saturday. My parents were mortified since they are very earnest and clean people who don't even drink and obviously they don't approve of what college kids do.Since then they have had access to my Facebook, various forms of social media, and my phone. Keep in mind I am 19 years old and if I told them what typical college kids do they will just yell and cry(mom). Even now my mom thinks that this event is like a death in the family and has relapses and cries about it. They are also overbearing and if I speak a different opinion they have they start to get angry and are close minded. Well now I am a nearby college that I wasn't very satisfied with since I had long commute times and well I don't really get to make close friends or have fun with people my own age. Recently I got accepted to another very prestigious state school and my parents liking the idea of getting a better education have decided to let me go.....but with one MAJOR catch. My dad has to live with me on campus at an apartment and make sure I come home right after class and don't leave. I don't really want him to live there since pretty much that means I can't really hangout with people my own and well it is just a bit extreme. He also gets very angry for very little things like me dropping something so there is his anger problems. Basically I know what I did was wrong, but now it seems they want to follow me wherever I go and I can never get the normal life I used to have. They think dorms are like "trap houses", but it was really just my floor we had bad luck with that was kinda full of screw ups. I really want to live in a single dorm so at least I can have some social interaction with people and have a sense of being there at the university. I get that I am paying for my decisions now, but is there anyway I can get out of this by explaining. Am I better off the just commuting to the same university I am at now to save myself from embarrassment of living with my dad( At least I can tell my peers I live at home) or go to this university town where I live with my father in close quarters(I can never really invite friends over or even get food with people since there will be strict rules in place). Every time they bring up "This will be so sad when your dad has to live with you", my heart dies just a little because I know I won't have a normal college experience or life experience. </p>

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<p>What did you do, exactly? </p>

<p>Have you ever seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?</p>

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<p>Like I guess I drank alot and experimented with drugs. I am not proud of that and I would never do it again if it meant I had freedom. Yeah I have seen that movie</p>

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<p>???</p>

<p>Doesn’t your dad have a job to go to? What is he going to do all day while you’re at school?</p>

<p>Are your parents foreign?</p>

<p>Here are my thoughts…let the plan go forward, be perfectly good. Soon dad will get bored being at the apt and will want to go home to his wife.</p>

<p>Would you be allowed to invite friends to your apt while dad is there? If so, start with that.</p>

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<p>You “guess”? And who was the housekeeper that talked to your parents? Someone who worked in the dorm at the huge state school? Seems like there’s a lot of missing information. What’s your gender and ethnic/cultural background? That might help us understand what’s going on.</p>

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<p>My dad runs a consulting business and travels alot, but he can run it from anywhere.He would just take calls and do work from his laptop.
The housekeeper that works at our house and basically it was my brilliant decision to have friends over and do some things. Well I guess I could bring friends back to my place, but I prefer not to since he isn’t a very big people person. My parents are Indian so that explains alot of the strictness, but they overreact at even the though of having one beer. I run a successful online business on my own so I have shown I can produce money on my own, but not enough to break apart from them</p>

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<p>I think this new school is driving distance to OP’s house, so Dad would be able to get to work from the apartment. </p>

<p>This is what I would do…Let your dad move in with you. I would be on my best behavior - go to classes, not staying out late, get good grades. I am pretty sure your dad will move back home (or stay home more) once he feels comfortable with the situation. I don’t think your dad is going to like being away from your family. In some ways, your parents are making a great sacrifice for your education. They are paying for your mistake. </p>

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<p>As I said my dad can work from anywhere so he doesn’t need to commute.</p>

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<p>Well, in a nutshell, your parents are paying for your education, and since you broke some rules, you are now “grounded”.</p>

<p>Basically, they sent you to college to focus on academics, and you partied and did drugs. This is how it works when someone pays for you to go to school. It is just like a job. They expect you to do your job, and when you don’t- the deal is off. Your parents don’t have to finance your partying. </p>

<p>If you want to go to the better college, you are going to have to follow their rules. </p>

<p>You have some choices here: be trustworthy or not. Do your “job” of going to school, or find some other way of paying for it, or get a job, move out, and party all you want. </p>

<p>I don’t think parents expect students to never have fun at college, but “I guess I drank a lot and experimented with drugs” isn’t being responsible for getting an education. In addtition it isn’t owning the problem by saying “I guess” - you know what happened- and then complaining about your overprotective parents. </p>

<p>So- there is a way to earn your parents’ trust again, and get more freedom: Own the problem and be honest. Applogize sincerely, not as a way to get out of this mess. “Mom, Dad, I appologize for breaking your trust” Then, take the consequences. Go to college, live with your Dad. Be reliable. Eventually, he may decide to loosen the restrictions a bit, and let you go out with friends. When you do, do not mess up. Return when you say you will, don’t do anything illegal. In two years you can drink, but you don’t have to get drunk. Realize that you made a mistake and turn yourself around. When your parents see that, they are likely to undo the restriction. In addition, dad’s going to get tired of being responsible for you and want his life back. Consider, he might not want to do this too. </p>

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<p>And your parents don’t have to pay for the better college and an apartment. They could have you continue commuting. They are giving you a second chance but are afraid the same will happen again with too much freedom. You will have to do better and prove that you’re trustworthy.</p>

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<p>"…what college kids do…"</p>

<p>Let me correct that for you: What <em>some</em> college kids do.</p>

<p>Just pointing out that what’s perceived by an individual as normal isn’t always what’s actually normal. (Your parents, from what you’ve told us, may be falling into the same trap, at least as far as what’s normal for parents to do.)</p>

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<p>"The housekeeper that works at our house and basically it was my brilliant decision to have friends over and do some things. "</p>

<p>Well, you not only broke their trust, but put them ( and possibly you and your friends) in jeapoardy by breaking the law on their property (drugs and underage drinking) . You risked arrest and someone possibly getting hurt in their home. </p>

<p>Be grateful you have a second chance and don’t ruin that one. </p>

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<p>I think your embarrassement is understandable if all your friends are on their own, but many students live at home to save costs even after college. Eventually, students mature- and you will too. The fact that your mom is crying tells me this has really hurt her. You can show her that you care about her.</p>

<p>Parents need to learn to let go, and they all don’t do it in the same way, but one way for parents to see that it is time to let go is when their children demonstate responsibility and maturity. You can’t change what they do, but most parents don’t want to be watching their kids 24/7- and your actions may lead to them letting go over time. </p>

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<p>Your parents could be asking you to leave college altogether. </p>

<p>I gather your grades were not top notch either.</p>

<p>Consider yourself lucky. Some parents would not pay a penny for college after a major screwup. </p>

<p>Ok…I’ve read your past posts. Where exactly are you attending college now? You were at Ohio State, but your parents were insisting that you transfer…this was in August. So are you at another college? You took courses at a CC as well.</p>

<p>Are you saying that your father wants to live with you at college number 2? If so…what happened this fall term at that school to make this happen?</p>

<p>It sounds to me like you somehow screwed up last year at Ohio State…and haven’t exactly built confidence this term.</p>

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<p>THAT may be true, but not having your mom there will quickly get old. Your dad has likely become accustomed to having your mom or the housekeeper doing some things…maybe laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Not to mention, he’ll miss your mom’s companionship. </p>

<p>So, I would imagine that after being “a VERY GOOD kid” for a semester, dad will tire of playing house chaperone…and he’ll go home.</p>

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<p><<<<
My dad runs a consulting business **and travels alot **, but he can run it from anywhere.He would just take calls and do work from his laptop.</p>

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<p>oooooh…I missed the “travels a lot” part. So what happens while dad will be traveling a lot? How long are his trips? overnight? a week? lol</p>

<p>The thing is…you’re like the unfaithful spouse. Sure, you’re sorry (that you got caught), and yes you may be trying to turn over a new leaf…BUT… the spouse (your parents) is still not going to trust without verification. Dad is going to be the verification. </p>

<p>So, be perfect…clean up after yourself, do chores, don’t need reminding, get A’s…and your parents will calm down and trust again.</p>

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<p>To,the OP…is this at Ohio State…or elsewhere?</p>

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<p>What kind of grades will you get for this fall semester? </p>

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<p>My grades were actually very good at my old college and now. I had around a 3.5 cumulative in the Computer Science Program. Also if anyone was interested in the time period that this happened, it was from March to now. You can imagine how many times I can apologize sincerely and I am sorry. When I say I am sorry I mean I am sincerely sorry, but I feel my parents have to let go. My mom talks about this being a permanent thing til I get married( I wont get married if she keeps breathing down my neck). I’m working on paying back my parents for some money I borrowed from to show I am sorry. What I am thinking is that I probably should ride out this new university and be on my best behavior, but it’ll be a long road. I just don’t want to be embarrassed that my dad is living with me. Also for anyone that doesn’t know going to this better state school would be much cheaper than going to my current school even with commuting. In total I would be saving about 10-11k a year going. </p>

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<p>@thumper1‌ nothing happened at DePaul this fall quarter. I came home at the same time everyday and left for school at the same time. Basically I thought this would show responsibility, but it wasnt enough. My dad basically doesn’t trust me alone even if I promise to come home every weekend. </p>