<p>Do you have them, and if so, what do you do when they're being ... well ... overly protective?</p>
<p>I do a “how would you feel if you were in my shoes” guilt trip on them.</p>
<p>Show them you can make responsible decisions and are worthy of more freedom . Good luck !</p>
<p>That doesn’t really work for me, haha. My mother grew up in a not-so-good neighborhood and had absolutely no parental supervision, so she feels the need to constantly hover over me, despite it being completely unnecessary because I don’t get into trouble anyway. </p>
<p>@fauxmaven:
“Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me? Ever.”
“…No. I trust you, but I don’t trust everyone else.”</p>
<p>@Robot: All I want to do is go to the mall with a friend whom my mother doesn’t know. I’ve been friends with this person for awhile. Also, I’m 16… I don’t think it’d be a terrible situation.</p>
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<p>Please, never again.</p>
<p>Thank God I don’t.</p>
<p>If I had overprotective parents, I’d probably just ignore their commands, recommendations, and entreatments, and wait for them to get over themselves. You can’t ground someone who just walks out the door. And you can’t get me if I don’t care as much about phones, computers, etc. as I do about having the freedom from overprotection.</p>
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<p>I think I would act similarly. I wouldn’t let my parents push me over if their demands were ridiculous. My parents wouldn’t even be able to physically take away my stuff unless they go as far as canceling my phone service or something like that. At my age, my parents can’t physically force me to do anything. </p>
<p>Also, I think part of the reason overprotective parents do what they do is because their kids are pushovers. Pushover kids allow their parents to control every aspect of their lives. If the kids actually stood up to their parents then the parents wouldn’t be able to get away with so much.</p>
<p>I guess I’ve kind of gotten used to it? I have a lot of friends, but I’m also a complete introvert, so it doesn’t really bother me that I don’t see them much outside of school. Except, I realized that I’m kind of wasting my high school years, as cheesy as that sounds. </p>
<p>I’ve been sheltered for all of my life (I wasn’t even allowed to use a knife until I was 12/13 or so), and I’ve been reared to be that perfect “poster child”, so it’s not like it’s something that has just recently started happening. </p>
<p>But I’m beginning to grow tired of it. My parents say they trust me, but I’m not sure if they actually do or not. For instance, I wasn’t allowed to go to a close friend’s 13th birthday party in 8th grade because my mother didn’t know him. She knew of him, knew we were very close, knew his parents would be there, etc. but she didn’t care.</p>
<p>I don’t lie to them, my grades are fine (straight A+s last quarter), I never do things that I’m uncomfortable with to “fit in” or “feel accepted”, I tend to befriend genuinely good people who aren’t out to hurt me, etc. </p>
<p>I guess I’m screwed whether I listen to them or not, but I don’t want to give them actual reasons not to trust me. I’ve “stood up” to them a few times, but I don’t like getting into arguments. Plus, I know they think they’re doing the right thing trying to keep me safe and what not, so I can’t really fault them for that…</p>
<p>@JimboSteve: It’s not that simple. My parents are overprotective mostly because of their religion. When I refuse to go to a church activity, they take everything. And while I’d like to say that I can survive without electronics for some time, my will grows weaker after a few days. Furthermore, my parents have realized that academics are my number one priority, so they’ve begun to threaten to not allow me to attend certain summer programs or buy certain academic preparation books as consequences for not following in their spiritual footsteps. I do try to be as independent as possible, but sometimes, it’s just not a feasible course of action.</p>
<p>@Downtothesea Yes, you can. You need the freedom to make mistakes. They won’t always be there to manage your life and your safety.</p>
<p>@StudiousMaximus They should know how they lucky they are to have a kid like you. Using your dedication to academics as a tool against you… disgusting. </p>
<p>Idea: if you have a desktop, break it in some subtle way. Ask for a laptop. Take the laptop to a trusted friend’s house, preferably with parents that don’t know yours, and leave it there. Tell them you lost it, or something. Get a texting app online. Use it as a new number. Do you have a window? You can open it and leave through it if they lock you in your room. They can’t take the laptop, because it’s at a friend’s house. </p>
<p>No, that won’t work. Summer camps. </p>
<p>How about falling asleep in church? And snoring lightly? Every time? </p>
<p>Or, maybe not… How about this? Play along throughout high school. Get into a college on a full scholarship. USC and Vanderbilt offer these to their best admits. There are some other colleges that do, but I don’t know which ones. Go to those colleges on full scholarship. The Ivy league schools have better names, but really, that’s not as important as people think, and financial aid is based on parental income. Get your parents to sign everything they’ll have to sign. Then, when you’re safely at your new school (preferably one far away) leave them a voicemail in which you explain, calmly and without bitterness, how bad their attempt at religion indoctrination made them look, and explain that it made it far less likely for you to believe. Then, they can’t touch you. Your scholarship means that they won’t be able to hold funding up as a threat.</p>
<p>That sucks, stud. I’m sorry for your parents being that way…</p>
<p>@JimboSteve: I’ve said that, and other people have said that as well, but the mindset is, “Well, as long as I /am/ here, my number 1 priority is keeping you safe, and nothing is going to get in the way of that.”</p>
<p>Doesn’t help that I’m female as well as an only child.</p>
<p>@Robot: Don’t worry, I made a sneer while writing that line. Sarcasm is difficult to detect over the internet. And, while it is comedic, it’s also true (in their minds).</p>
<p>@JimboSteve: Thanks for the suggestions. I’ve tried using various tactics to gain more freedom. They’ve just recently let up a little on the early-morning church classes. While going to a college with full scholarship would be a nice way to gain freedom, I’m not sure if I would want to shape my college plans based on what my parents might do. Their income isn’t that high, so financial aid is a factor. Perhaps if I get under 6k parental contribution a year, I can borrow it myself. I really don’t know how they’ll react when I tell them I’m an atheist. My mother frequently tells me of her plans for me to go on a two-year mission. (Yes, my parents are Mormon.) If I do happen to end up attending a university in which their contribution is in play, do you suggest that I don’t tell them of my views? I don’t want them to back out, as it would leave me without anywhere to go.</p>
<p>That’s the worst. </p>
<p>I would be honest with them, if only because it would shape your image in your own eyes. Thinking of yourself as an honest person is immeasurably valuable.</p>
<p>Also, because going on a 2 year mission sounds awful.</p>
<p>Well, I won’t go. I would justify my not going with other reasons (of which there are plenty). I just might be less up-front about my beliefs. I’m not sure that’s being dishonest. Honesty would probably kill my mother. It’s a difficult situation all around.</p>
<p>I was raised by an underprotective mother. I think it worked out very well for me. I was never forced to do any sports/activities I didn’t want to do (Theatre is a passion I found by myself without the use of a crazy stage mom). My mother worked and I only had a babysitter until I was 7, and afterwards I was what they call a ‘latchkey’ kid (although I didn’t stay locked in my house by any means) I spent a lot of time reading for myself and getting to know kids in my neighborhood (although I lived on a busy street in Cleveland, so by ‘neighborhood’ I mean my side of the road), reading articles, and just exploring. It made me very intelligent and curious at a young age. I was probably the only elementary school student who willingly walked down to the library a couple times a week or watched the news with interest. </p>
<p>When I started driving, it was no big deal if I went on a short trip by myself when I still had my permit, and it was nothing at all for me to stay out past 9 before I had the ‘full’ license, I think I’m a better driver because I got a lot more driving time than if someone had to go everywhere with their parents. My overall activities were basically unregulated as long as I did okay in school and didn’t do anything too illegal, so I did a lot of volunteering and met a lot of different types of people. I don’t think any of these overprotective parents would allow their child to go to Kentucky with a bunch of almost-strangers to build a house for a homeless family, or go on regular multi-day backpacking trips with just 2 or 3 other people, or fly to Jamaica with just a few friends, but those are some of the things I did. </p>
<p>For college applications, my mother’s involvement has been limited to going on some of the visits with me and filling out the financial aid forms. I think it’s great, I’ve found a college I love and don’t really have to second-guess myself about. I have the emotional ability to be away from home (I’ve done it for long periods before). I know kids whose parents are very, very overprotective like some described here, and I feel kind of sorry for them. Maybe if my mother had harped on me about everything I’d have better grades, but I certainly wouldn’t have my repertoire of activities, experiences, and awesome people I’ve met.</p>
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