<p>07Dad - no, Kid H has not asked for any subsidy one way or the other. Kid H is just over the moon with having gotten this internship! I’ve made kind of a general mention that “dad and I will help you out” but no specifics - so that can cover a wide range of territories. We do want to discuss it over Xmas, which is why I want to get my husband and me on the same page on what an appropriate strategy is that we can also be comfortable with depending on whatever happens to Kid L. </p>
<p>In a weird way - it’s almost sad that I’m coming to the end of taking care of them. Maybe that’s what’s going on.</p>
<p>S1 always had internships in other cities. The deal was that those needed to pay enough to cover his expenses (including rent), and fortunately for him, CS internships tend to pay well. He was able to cover all expenses and save the rest for his upcoming year’s spending $$ and books (and had a decent chunk of change by graduation to use as start-up funds). He learned the joys of unconditioned summer sublets, moving his stuff and paying utilities.</p>
<p>For S2’s field, internships, if one can even get one, tend to be unpaid or have a minimal stipend. Fortunately, the internships in his field tend to be local to us, so he could live at home. We’ll cross that bridge if/when it comes to that, though my feeling is that if the internship is a good resume builder or supports an eventual grad school app, we would would help at some level – but the strong preference is for paying gigs (or something that is sufficiently flexible where one could pick up a second, paying job).</p>
<p>I find we scrutinize S2’s expenses more than S1’s – not sure that this is entirely fair, but S2 is costing us a lot more than S1 did. (And so far, with much less return on investment, which is another source of stress.) S1 had scholarships, well-paying jobs and Staffords, and covered 40% of his college tab. S2 has a job and Staffords, but the school did not give scholarships.</p>
<p>It’s OK if our kids feel the financial pinch of balancing expenses against income. Unless we plan to keep supporting our children in the manner to which they’ve become accustomed, these are lessons they need to learn! When I started at my first FT job (mid-80s), the company paid lousy $$, and many of the recent grads lived at home. But rather than saving $$ to get out on their own, they all had spiffy sports cars and partied on the weekends. Not sure the parents were doing them any favors.</p>
<p>PG, your comment reminded me of my relationship with my youngest sibling. There’s a big age gap between the two of us, and the sib didn’t finish the terminal degree until a few years back. I’ve (gladly!) been the generous older sibling for many, many years. It’s been a battle with myself to not always offer to pay, and to accept generosity from my younger sibling. Not doing so would seem offensive at this point. </p>
<p>The sibling relationship is obviously different than the parent-child one, but I think the changing relationship with my sib is going to be a good model for me as my children move towards financial independence.</p>
<p>I’m sure you will find the perfect thing. And congratulations, by the way. You and your husband have obviously done a great job in raising children to give you such a dilemma!</p>
<p>The lab he worked for had a nearly three-week lag from the first day of work to the day they cut the interns’ first paycheck. So of course the kid had to have spending money before he could bank a check. Lake Sr. (ahem, that’s me!) accordingly sent Jr. a check so he didn’t have to live off instant ramen and cold cereal for three weeks. The internship, by the way, was a fantastic experience according to LWJr.</p>
<p>See, to me it goes without saying that I’d “upfront” the kid with cash for living expenses and we can settle up later. That to me isn’t a point of debate.</p>
<p>Well Madame Pizza, I mistakenly thought that a small part of the stipend from the lab would be advanced “upfront,” so these eager kids could start the summer on the right foot. I can laugh now. Silly me.</p>
<p>Well, for many parents coming up with several thousand dollars is not so easy, or doing so and then having the kid not pay the debt back would be a big deal. </p>
<p>When my S had an (unpaid) internship at the State Dept, he had to pay for his wardrobe and his living expenses. I fronted him the money for the clothes, but he had to pay me back. (The State Dept awarded stipends supposedly on the basis of need. Since S then had an EFC of $0, but didn’t get a stipend, it sheds some light on the big picture of “need.”)</p>
<p>Since your children both apparently have savings, which may be substantial, it is not unreasonable to think that they might use those to pay their upfront expenses, then pay themselves back. Covering those expenses would be doing them a favor, IMHO. Welcome to the way the other half lives. :)</p>
<p>I think the guiding principle for PG is that they pay for their kids’ expenses until they graduate from college, then they are off PG’s payroll. Based on that principle, she maybe justified in paying for both of her kids’ room and board for the summer, whatever they maybe doing. Since her kids are not big spenders (at least according to her), they could save the extra money (more from kid H than L) for when they are no longer on their parents’ payroll. It is obvious PG and her H could subsidize their kids quite a bit, but it is easier to do it while they are in college than when they are out. </p>
<p>I know there are a lot of parents who would continue to subsidize their kids indefinitely, just because they could. The fact PG and her H are giving this some thoughts instead of doing what’s the easiest is a good thing.</p>
<p>“See, to me it goes without saying that I’d “upfront” the kid with cash for living expenses and we can settle up later. That to me isn’t a point of debate” </p>
<p>Same here. Prior to DS’s paid internship in Boston last summer, he didn’t have a lot of savings. He balked when his subletters/landlord wanted 1st month’s rent AND last month ahead of time… for a 3 month sublet. We were definitely willing to lend him the money to bridge over. Instead he negotiated to 1 month rent ahead, which he could afford. I was actually kind of proud of him for solving the problem for himself (and his grateful sublet roommates).</p>
<p>colorado-mom-- I take it you did not actually offer to subsidize but you would have been available to do so if asked. If so, your story is an example of what happens when the parent does not immediately step in and “solve” everything. These students can come up with solutions if left to do so. If they ask for assistance after making attempts to deal with it on their own at least it is educational.</p>
<p>BTW since graduating from college my son has lived in different areas of Bushwick, NY (Brooklyn) for over a year. He has found rooming (sublets) through a HS friend who attended NYU and college acquaintances who moved to the NY area. I would tell you the rental ranges but since I had nothing to do with these arrangements, I do not know what he paid. I heard bits and pieces that makes me think $550 the first place (in a basement) and mid $700s for his room in a third floor apartment on Stanhope street.</p>
<p>Son attended American Dance Festival at Duke on an internship during college on summer break and found a summer sublet through Craigs List (Duke Law students’ place). As with NY, he made the arrangements so I don’t know what he paid.</p>
<p>He moved off campus for his junior and senior year. He found the places he stayed. He asked me about what to look out for in a lease (I’m an attorney). I gave him pointers.</p>
<p>After graduation, my Son had set up a job in Taiwan. He asked me to drive (365 miles each way) to graduation to get his furniture back to our hometown. I had driven his bed and some other furnishings out to be able to spend time with him on his “home turf.” I told him no. I asked him if he planned on living in our hometown after Taiwan. He said that was not in his plans and that he was looking into NY. I suggested that he might want to consider whether the stuff he had after college was going to be worth what it was going to cost him to drag 365 mile to our hometown and then 3000 miles to NY. </p>
<p>He told me later that he had three months left on his lease in the college town after graduation. His roommate was going to stay in the college town over the summer. He had tried to find someone to sublet his room in the apartment for those three months but had not been successful until he “threw in” the furniture. He told me that by his calculation, the 3 months rent he got out from under more than paid to replace the furniture once he got to where ever he landed after Taiwan.</p>
<p>Left to their own devices, these young adults may be able to hone these skills.</p>
<p>“colorado-mom-- I take it you did not actually offer to subsidize but you would have been available to do so if asked. If so, your story is an example of what happens when the parent does not immediately step in and “solve” everything.” </p>
<p>dad07 - You statement is true in many cases. Just not ours. We did offer to lend DS the rent start-up funds when he explained the situation. (We did not offer to gift it - he had a decent internship salary). He was appreciative of our offer to help tide him over if needed, but he preferred to negotiate deposit requirements. He’s an independent fellow.</p>
<p>Yes, I guess we’d subsidize a summer internship in NYC. However, there are options we’d try first, like (1) minimizing housing costs by trying to grab one of the NYU dorm spots over the summer, which I hear are quite reasonable compared to the alternatives, (2) subletting a room in a home somewhere in NYC, (3) trying a swap…a room in someone’s home for DS for the summer in return for 2-3 weeks in our warm weather condo in the winter.</p>
<p>OP: “Your kid has a paid summer internship in NYC (in between jr and sr years).
The internship pays well, but Manhattan housing (as everyone knows) is expensive.”</p>