"Pairing college roomies is tricky"

<ol>
<li><p>I love the assumption that rules against smoking mean that there is never an issue about smoking in a room. That's not entirely realistic. It goes along with all those posts that ask, "Why do they have to have substance-free dorms? Aren't all the dorms substance-free?"</p></li>
<li><p>In my freshman dorm room no one ever smoked . . . tobacco. However one of my roommates kept the room pretty much enveloped in a fog-thick haze. It wasn't great, there were some arguments about it, but we all got along fairly well anyway for the year.</p></li>
<li><p>My kids' college asks incoming students to rank available dorms, and also to rank a set of qualities that effectively constitute an alternate dorm ranking. As a practical matter, this lets anyone who really wants a single get a single. For the rest, they ask four or five questions: smoking/non, early/late to bed/rise, music with/without headphones, study in/out of room, and neat/messy. I think they try to match those qualities, or as many of them as possible.</p></li>
<li><p>Somewhere, I read about Stanford's system, which essentially has one or two people in the Admissions office creating the roommate matches as something of an annual work of art, based on their applications and other information. Apparently it works very well. How much better than "random", though, would be an interesting research topic.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>My school has a questionnaire, but we all pick our own housing, so unless you find a roommate ahead of time it is pretty much random. At my boyfriend's state school that he's transferring to this year, they have a survey that you fill out, and they match you with a roommate (unless you specifically choose a roommate). </p>

<p>I've spoken to my roommate for this next year on facebook, and she seems nice enough. She's really athletic though, and I got bad vibes when one of the first questions she asked was whether I wanted to match linens. Oh, and her disappointed reaction when I told her I couldn't drink also wasn't very reassuring.</p>

<p>I'm pretty much positive at this point we probably won't be the best of friends, so I'm pretty much crossing my fingers that she will be relatively considerate, if nothing else.</p>

<p>And I hope you will be just as considerate to her. It's very unfair to judge her based on facebook communications. You may be pleasantly surprised when you meet in person.</p>

<p>Like other schools, UW asks no questions, they had found out questionnaires didn't make a difference. No smoking, so that's a non-issue. Students do some self selecting by ranking dorms, including special programs. I remember a farming roommate from eons ago who changed her early hours to those more typical of college students part way into the first semester- so much for any questions (and my influence?). I also suspect that, even aside from parental input, students may answer according to how they want their roommate to be and change from one answer to another when on campus (sleep habits, party habits...). Some of the answers I saw my son give for HS summer programs- ha. </p>

<p>People have to remember that sharing a room is just that, no need to become friends, leading parallel lives works well. I disappointed one roommate by keeping the aqua bedspread provided instead of her offered purple print one, I did compromise on painting the room beige instead of keeping it my favorite blue color (now all the rooms are white, no painting, in my day they even provided the paint and materials). It's okay to politely tell a rooommate you prefer to do your own decorating choices and keep your individuality- just as it is okay to make the request.</p>

<p>nysmile- Of course! I know that facebook communications aren't really the best indication of whether or not we'd be great friends, but I am just noting that we just really didn't seem to click.</p>

<p>Trust me, I am definitely trying to be extremely considerate of her, and I understand that having a roommate can definitely be a sort of give-and-take thing. (Though the type of person I am, I'll probably let her walk all over me and hold in the repressed annoyance, because I'm so non-confrontational.)</p>

<p>It's normal too be nervous about living with a stranger. Try not to stress out about it because it may work out just fine. Have you used facebook to find some other kids on your floor?</p>

<p>Different majors worked very nicely for my D. and her roomate. Being on totally different schedule was nice and not connected academically at all made them not competitive.</p>

<p>Yeah, I have. Conveniently, the one good friend I made at orientation lives on my floor, so that's nice. :)</p>

<p>That's great! Good luck and enjoy the rest of your summer.</p>

<p>My son's questionnaire asked only a few questions: do you generally wake up before or after 8 am? are you messy or neat? does someone else playing music bother you? sub-free or not sub-free?</p>

<p>That was about it, if I recall.</p>

<p>There was a box where you could write anything else you wanted, but he didn't add anything. Some kids went into great detail in that box of likes/dislikes, building preferences, etc.</p>

<p>We'll see how it turns out. Anyway, it's just freshman year roommates. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. At our college tour the student guide said something about how they try to mix up the students and not put athletes on the same team in a room together, or internationals from the same country in a room together... that sort of thing. They feel freshman year it's important to widen your exposure to others.</p>

<p>Swarthmore has a fairly basic first-year housing questionaire:</p>

<p>SINGLE SEX HALL?
�� Yes, please �� No, thank you �� I’m indifferent</p>

<p>WAKING/SLEEPING HOURS: Which describes you best?
�� I need my 7-8 hours of sleep
�� Early to bed, early to rise (early to bed at Swat is 11pm-12pm)
�� I burn the midnight oil (I often/prefer to go to bed quite late)
�� I go with the flow (if others are up late, I’ll be up late too)</p>

<p>SOCIALIZING, NOISE:
Our room should be:
�� a place to socialize and relax
�� for sleeping and study</p>

<p>I prefer to play my music:
�� softly �� loudly</p>

<p>I study/sleep:
�� in silence �� with music</p>

<p>NEATNESS:
I am:
�� compulsively neat
�� in between
�� usually sloppy</p>

<p>I prefer my roommate to be:
�� compulsively neat
�� in between
�� sloppy is OK</p>

<p>SMOKING:
I plan to:
�� smoke in our room
�� smoke outside our room
�� not smoke</p>

<p>My roommate should:
�� be able to smoke in our room
�� smoke outside our room
�� not smoke</p>

<p>�� I prefer a smoke-free hall
On a smoke-free hall students may not
smoke in their private rooms. On an
unrestricted hall, students may smoke
in their rooms with the door closed.
There is no smoking in the common
spaces in any buildings on campus.</p>

<p>MORE ABOUT YOU:
Check the following words that might be used to describe you. This information will help us know you better and may or may not be used in roommate matching. (Check all that apply.)
�� artistic �� musical �� environmentalist
�� politically conscious �� need time alone
�� gay-friendly �� liberal �� conservative �� religious
�� sci-fi/fantasy buff �� outgoing �� party-er
�� transgender-friendly �� laid back �� computer buff
�� substance free �� shy �� welcomes diversity
�� athlete: �� studious</p>

<p>sports:____________________________</p>

<p>Are there any other factors we need to know, in assigning you to a roommate and a room?</p>

<hr>

<p>Housing
NAME:
GENDER:
BATHROOMS:
�� Gender-neutral*, please
�� Separate male/female
�� I’m indifferent</p>

<p>ROOMATE(S):
�� Roommate of my gender*
�� Roomate of different gender
�� I’m indifferent</p>

<ul>
<li>Gender-neutral bathrooms are bathrooms open to use by students of any gender. Some of these bathrooms are single-user, and some accommodate more than one user at a time – all have individual toilet and shower stalls. There currently are gender-neutral bathrooms on several (but not many) halls with first-year students and we currently match first-year roommates of the same gender, but this may change in future years. Please indicate your preference.</li>
</ul>

<p>They match roommates on the "biggie" items like smoking, loudness, etc. They use the other items on occasion. For example, they will seed several floors of "quiet" students in dorms that tend to be very social in order to keep things below critical mass.</p>

<p>Wait, does Hookah fall under smoking?</p>

<p>Moved my daughter into the pre-frosh program last weekend. We live in a very superficial, affluent suburban community (Stepford jokes stopped being funny years ago.) Daughter is a bright, athletic, student government type kid but definitely hasn't completely escaped the Barbie and Ken mentality of our town. I was pleased to see that her roommate was a goth-ish girl from a high school in an agricultural community with over 60% "disadvantaged" students and, according to the facebook photo D showed me, a bi-racial boyfriend. They got along fine - in fact, there's really not much difference between them beneath the skin, as far as I can tell.</p>

<p>On the other hand, we learned that one of D's friend's at a different college has been assigned a roommate who is a decidedly un-Barbieish girl, and a lesbian. Her parents flew out to the college to lobby for a reassignment. (They reached out to all of our friends for support - except us. Nice folks, just a different point of view on some things.) I'll be interested to see how that turns out.</p>

<p>And yes, at D's dorm, Hookah is verboten. Also strippers.</p>

<p>My university does what MidwestMom2Kids_ mentioned in post 7. I will be testing how well self-pairing works quite soon.</p>

<p>That Swarthmore questionnaire is a doozy- how do they place students who admit to being slobs but expect their roommate to be neat, what if you study to music, sleep... what if you want someone who is... even if you are not? No wonder schools abandoned trying to sort kids- only works at Hogwarts.</p>

<p>The survey posted on a certain networking site by members of my class was similar to the Swathmore one. But, the context means that people were much more honest with their habits. That made finding someone who you wanted as a roommate easier than through other channels.</p>

<p>I definitely see why the university randomly assigns based off the date you put down your deposit otherwise.</p>

<p>my questionaire was very short and generic. i did ask if i was a very social person, and i answered "absolutely not". then they stuck me in a room with five other girls. </p>

<p>i switched into a single instead.</p>

<p>My questionnaire. 3 questions:
Alcohol free dorms? yes/no
Do you want quiet housing? yes/no
Do want smoking or non-smoking dorms? </p>

<p>The end.
Even with the lack of a real roommate questionnaire (essentially random), It ends up my roommate seems to be really compatible to me though so far. We're both honors college and have the same major. She seems really happy-go-lucky and positive (which are the types of people I like) and doesn't seem too be too religious or too party-obsessed. etc</p>

<p>It seems pretty amazing to me that the systems end up working well at all! When you think about it, isn't it so weird that students live for a year with a random (for the most part) stranger under close quarters in stressful situations with virtually nothing familiar around them? We all take it as a matter-of-fact part of college, and for the vast majority of students it works out fine. At this point in my life, I would HATE to have to live with a random stranger in a tiny room under stressful conditions for a year. You gotta give these kids a lot of credit.</p>

<p>Older s's school did a sophisticated and, for the mostpart wonderful job matching roommates (he and his roommate became great friends and roomed together all 4 years). Younger s's school does nothing except make a website available where the kids can post info and "find" a roommate. DS picked a fellow with whom he has very little in common, other than that they are both slobs and like similar music. From totally different backgrounds. In fact, when they met at summer orientation (after having picked each other) roommate acknowledged that he'd never met anyone of our religion before. I hope they will get along fine, though I suspect they will have different circle of friends. That worked out poorly for a relatives daughter, who was miserable because of a bad roommate selection and different friends, and is transferring from this school. Both my h and I had bad roommate matches our freshman year and never saw our respective roommates again after that year.</p>