<p>This has probably been discussed here before. I am a parent who shortly will send off their first and only child to college.... miles away from home. Any advice concerning both parties....us adjusting to her being so far away from home... and DD adjusting would be welcome! :)</p>
<p>Hmmmm...well, as a parent who has sent two off already and will send the last one off in August, I have put "worry about college" on my calendar for the day after she graduates from high school. I'm getting old and I can only take so many panic attacks, so I find scheduling them in advance works best for me. ;)</p>
<p>It's a bittersweet time, let the euphoria of a successful launch from the nest sweep over you. This is what you've been trying to accomplish for 18 years, and it's finally about to happen. It's a good thing, and they do come back. In the meantime, here's some reading material while you wait for new responses to this very popular subject. :)</p>
<p>Cooltrainer, you may want to search the Parents and Parents Cafe forums from Aug/Sept last summer to see some of the threads created as many of us launched our first/next/last out into the world of college, and how we coped. (There will undoubtedly be similar threads created this coming summer, too. It's cathartic, and helpful to know you're not the only one. And that others will listen, understand, and say, "There, there.") For some of us, it went very smoothly. For others, it was a slow, months-long adjustment. Five or so months later, most of us have found a way to avoid the panic attacks, but it's not always a quick process. All the best as you all make this transition...</p>
<p>signed,
one who did it last year, and will do it for the last time next year (which will bring its own unique challenges and stressors for sure). :)</p>
<p>I liked the book "Letting Go: A Parents Guide to Understanding the College Years" -- and driver is right -- they do come back, and when they do, it's different (not worse! just different), and the book talks about that too.</p>
<p>Cooltrainer, I imagined myself in much the same situation, but this past summer DD, our one and only, spent six weeks away from home (Girls State, Governor's School). The first day was miserable. We couldn't imagine what we would do without her. By the end of the first week, we realized we would survive. We found ourselves going to movies, out to dinner, to the driving range, and hanging out with friends much more than we do when DD is home. DD loved her time at both programs, but did admit she had been homesick a couple of times. We all agree that her six weeks away helped ALL of us prepare for the adjustment that will take place in a few short months. </p>
<p>You will make it and so will your daughter. You and your husband will re-discover one another and your daughter will make new friends and fly independently ... exactly what you've been teaching/training her for all her life. Hang in there! Together, we'll celebrate and commiserate. I hope to see you post more often. I think you'll really enjoy it here! :)</p>
<p>DD will probably adjust quicker than you will as she will be in new situation with new people. As you have undoubtedly thought and worked towards this great goal for next fall, now is time for you to think about something new to do! Take a course, learn yoga (good for panic attacks), join the church choir at long last! Meet a few new people yourself. After years of being wrapped up with DD activities, pick 1 or 2 things you have always put off and do it. Preferably something actually scheduled with other people, so you have no excuses...Empty nest syndrome is real - and it applies to dads as well as moms. We are growing up, too!</p>
<p>Cooltrainer, I'll take a different tack with this - you aren't out of the woods on high school yet! As is discussed on another active thread, senior year and Terrible Twos have some attributes in common. This is a big adjustment for them, and the separation is often expressed in less tahn pleasant ways.
You want certain graduation milestones to be a big, happy event, and their ambivalence, and general teenage contrariness, causes the party, picture, prom, whatever, to fall flat. My advice, pick 2 weekends, and plan a quiet getaway - one for the whole family, the other for the graduate and one parent - especially Mom and daughter, if that is the case. Those two trips are our best memories of senior year, and two of the best trips we have ever done - particularly since one was to NOLA, and it will never be the same.</p>
<p>All I say is that I LOVE having the kids at college. They're interesting people doing interesting things, I don't have to listen to them ***** and moan about how stupid high school is and how much they hate (pick a subject)--and when they're home, they don't have homework. It's been great.</p>
<p>Oh, and I got a dog, who's a much better companion than the kids ever wore. Devoted to me and all that. Lets me style her hair and dress in her in cute sweaters that I pick out (I try to keep it within reason, but she's a standard poodle, so that's not too hard). I recommend it.</p>
<p>EDIT: (I didn't put the stars in up there, BTW--CC put them in for me!)</p>
<p>dmd, LOL--I bet the poodle doesn't "borrow" your shampoo out of your shower and not return it, leaving you to forage soaking wet and naked and cursing under your breath. Gotta love sons in that respect--they just resort to bar soap if the shampoo bottle is empty.</p>
<p>When my kids were really little and we'd just moved into our new neighborhood, I met the woman next door who had five kids, all boys. She told me three were away at college OOS and I, looking at my cuddly little boys playing nearby, commented that "it must be hard" for her to have her kids so far away. She looked at me kind of funny and say, "Ummm, nooooooo, it's very easy to have them so far away." ROTFL. I didn't really get it at the time. Her "boys" are now in their 30's and I see her going by in her car with her little tow-headed grandchildren. Okay, I'm not quite ready for that yet. I still have a senior at home who walked into the living room with her cell phone last night while my husband and I were talking, called her voice mail, and then shushed us because our talking was making it hard for her to get her messages off her cell phone. When I suggested she take the phone to another room, I got that huffy-flounce-out-of-the-room response that I will remind myself of next year when I'm missing her so much.</p>
<p>We recently purchased this book - after it was recommended by a co-worker who has a college student who is a junior. He, and especially his wife, have used this book during a few difficult times. It covers everything from parent worries, to student worries. It includes dorm life, dorm problems, finances, dating, drugs, academic probation, changing majors, I want to come home cuz i'm home sick, to bad roommates, getting a job, quitting school, etc. etc. There are many, many other chapters, and a complete index. You may say that all I am listing are the negative areas - that occur for problem kids. Maybe so, but for all the positive areas (great grades, many new friends, no emotional ups and downs during the first month, lack of drug or sex problems, etc., etc. -- do you need any advice? </p>
<p>Here's the book:</p>
<p>Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money</p>
<p>1Down2togo - Shouldn't it be 2Down1togo? ;)</p>
<p>Cooltrainer - I don't know what year your D is in school, but one thing that I would recommend is a few trial runs away from home - for her benefit and yours! A summer experience or a job away from home might help you to get you (and her) get used to the idea that even though they will be leaving - they do come back! </p>
<p>My family used to say that what with the short academic year, it seemed that I was home more than I was in school! While that may have been an exaggeration, it was true that I was usually home for holidays in the fall, Thanksgiving, a six week winter break, spring break and a three month summer break. There's usually a parent's weekend at most schools in October. </p>
<p>dmd77 - The dog suggestion is great! I have been so surprised by the number of people that I know that are getting dogs just as their kids are leaving for college! BTW, we are proud standard poodle owners too - he is the best!</p>