Parent Asking re: Freshman, "Substance-Free Dorming"??

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Well, I'm posting this b/c I am usually helpful over in the Parents Forum when a college student posts there for guidance. Otherwise, I wouldn't feel I had the right to intrude here.</p>

<p>What is your perception of substance-free dorm choice for an entering freshman. Understand that this is my youngest kid and he's seen a lot from watching his older sibs through 8 years of their colleges. </p>

<p>My kids usually tell me I get it right but on this issue, they think I'm off-base when I say this: if you've already decided not to be drugging and drinking (much) at college, then select "substance-free" floors because you'll find others like-minded and have fewer hassles.</p>

<p>I'm willing to be wrong here; I really want to know what's happening with it.</p>

<p>Thanks if you choose to reply.</p>

2

<p>There was a similar thread in this room just a few days ago that has some very good replies:
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=332451%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=332451&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Hope you find it useful.</p>

3

<p>It seems like most of the kids in substance-free have been placed there because the floor or dorm is substance-free but there is not enough people interested and these kids have to go somewhere so the school sticks them into substance-free housing. Obviously these people are not very interested in avoiding any interesting substances. </p>

<p>Then there are those whose parents chose to put them in substance-free without asking the kid, some of those kids are worse than your average college kid, because they've held it in their whole lives due to parents pressure and are now developing a taste for various "substances."</p>

<p>Then there are a few kids genuinely interested in avoiding drunks and pot-heads. This may change from school to school, btw.</p>

4

<p>I agree with Scorp. I live in a sub-free building, and like it. People tend to be quieter in the halls late at night compared to when I spend the night in a friend's building. There are those kids who honestly don't want to drink, those who got placed here without a choice, and those who chose this building because it's nicer than the others (remodeled a few years ago). On weekends I see beer cans in the elevators but generally people are polite about it. And people leave the building to drink, because in my building you get caught and you're kicked out. No second chances because we sign a contract. It probably does vary some from school to school, but I think at any school you'll have kids in sub-free who drink or use drugs for whatever reason.</p>

<p>PS--I drink, and randomly was put in this building. My roommates drink too but we've never done it in our room. I go to other buildings. But some of my best friends on my floor have never touched alcohol.</p>

5

<p>If parents have anything to do with getting their kid in substance free dorming its only asking for trouble. If its the kid's (err adult's!) decision, then so be it. But keep in mind the real world isn't substance-free.</p>

6

<p>cwatson, on the other hand the world is FAAAAAAAAAAAAAR more substance free than college. For some people it's a four year party with an 100+k covercharge.</p>

7

<p>Hm. Sounds like choosing between a ghetto of socially withdrawn teetotallers and rehab violators VERSUS smelling others' vomit from thurs-sun. Not a pretty choice.</p>

<p>"There are a few kids genuinely interested in avoiding drunks and pot-heads"
pretty much describes our family. We have NO problems with occasional this-n-that. </p>

<p>But, I guess I was hoping he could simply reduce the amount of time spent being excessively distracted by garbage issues and drama that go along with the aftermaths of heavy, irresponsible party drinking by others. The "ick" factor -- vomit, 4 a.m. hollering cr*p.</p>

<p>In fairness, here's why I am thinking about it: His big brother had a stressful freshman year assigned to dorm with a real alcoholic (later many DUI'S, almost ran someone over, school suspended...). The roomie brought in all his friends all week, and they accidentally fell and broke stuff (like his musical instrument); vomited on the rug but nobody would clean it...obnoxiousness. </p>

<p>My S moved out second term (to a great situation). But, what a hassle, and wasted energy. </p>

<p>Meanwhile, when I met kids from the sub-free dorms, THEY seemed chill, made good friends that year, had a real social circle that continued. </p>

<p>I was left thinking after that, since that school had substance free dorms, maybe it attracted nicer kids and left the crummier ones for the substance-using dorms? idk. </p>

<p>So now, I think: why not play the odds, stack the deck to avoid that kind of HUGE grief this time around, with youngest S. So I wondered if his checking off sub-free would help steer away from all that garbageness. No guarantees, but just try to avoid the worst hassles that his brother had, b/c I'm sure those friends of the first roommate wouldn't have been caught dead in a sub-free dorm.</p>

8

<p>I'm not really a partier, but I'm pretty sure I'll request a single in a regular (substance-filled?) dorm. To me, that seems to be the best compromise: living in a "social" dorm but having a quieter, more private space to retreat to when things get too crazy. :p</p>

9

<p>Unless of course singles aren't available to freshmen; I'm actually contemplating a substance-free dorm myself, although at Berkeley it seems to be in one of the more 'social' residence hall groupings (Unit 1), so I don't think the oft spoken of 'non social' effect would be as prevalent.</p>

10

<p>My advice to my kids: You can always go to the party dorm and leave the party dorm when you want. Not so if your living in the party dorm.</p>

11

<p>I would definitely go into a substance-free dorm, if I wasn't only applying to substance-free schools. He can still socalize without having to live with that behaviour.</p>

12

<p>There's really nothing wrong with living in a non-substance-free dorm, most are not the "vomit-filled party zones" that people are making them out to be. Yes, some dorms have more parties than others, and you can avoid those if you want.</p>

<p>But college is not exactly like Animal House, and though I don't drink or smoke, I'd rather be in a normal dorm than a substance free dorm. There's nothing wrong with meeting different kinds of people. It's not like people are blasting music and vomiting all over the place on weekends.</p>

<p>There is always a chance of getting a bad roomie. Who's to say that you'll get a good roommate in a substance free dorm? Maybe they won't drink and such, but there are most certainly other ways to be an obnoxious roommate; having a roommate who parties heavily is not the only type of bad roommate.
Some substance-free dorms may also have a stigma attached to them.</p>

13

<p>
[quote]
having a roommate who parties heavily is not the only type of bad roommate.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>bias much? Please defend your implied point here.</p>

<p>And would everyone stop with the vomitting all over the place crap...it barely ever happens, and when it does people go outside or to a toilet or trash can. Like 95% of drunk vommiting is self induced so it doesn't happen later and unexpectedly.</p>

14

<p>When we visited Wake Forest, my son, who's chosen not to drink, made the comment about the "substance-free" dorm. Aren't all dorms substance free, in that the legal drinking age is 21? Forget the contracts that say I won't drink in a substance free dorm, doesn't the law make any dorm contract essentially the same thing -- I legally can't do drugs/ or drink in any dorm. Can't the university enforce it in any dorm based on state law? Seemed reasonable to us ...too. But then our guide was telling us it's more for smoking and such ... seemed weird.</p>

<p>zebes</p>

15

<p>Zebes: At least from what I know, that contract that students sign at the beginning of the year is only as powerful as the school that enforces it. Some schools will discipline you for getting caught doing activities for 21+ yr olds (assuming you are under 21). Some schools may even report you depending on how strict they are and how serious the situation. However you also have schools that will give you a small slap on the wrist and just look the other way without telling anyone so in actuality the school just doesn't report the 'crime' and decides to take matters into its own hands. It will vary from school to school.</p>

16

<p>zebes, </p>

<p>you're forgetting we're talking about college here. A lot of students drink, and the administration (and everyone else) knows and accepts that. They just try and keep it to acceptable levels. </p>

<p>Also, parents who think their children don't drink (even if the kid honestly doesnt drink now), don't be surprised if things are different after a few weeks at college. Not saying anyone's gonna become a raging alcoholic, but most everyone will drink at some point.</p>

17

<p>Try honors floor and substance free it doesn't happen. I have always said even with 20 foot high concrete walls and no way out if you want to do drugs or drink you will be able to find it. We came to terms of the drinking the first few weeks when pics showed the eyes. it has stopped thank goodness because "oh my I have to make better grades or could loose scholarship" reality check. we did not harp on it or gripe we just said make sure you are safe and know what you are drinking. Substance free only means that the intent is there but when you have people who bring it in you have no control over what your child is doing. just pray that they come to there senses before too long. Trust your kiddos. and don't forget the Greek way is the drinking way unfortunately for most kids not all of them. and if your kiddo is going away from home they go nuts with all the freedom if your kiddo has a good head on his/her shoulders they will snap out of it and will not give you anything to worry about.</p>

18

<p>I would personally never go into any kind of substance free housing. Realistically, I think it's much more rare to get a roommate who is disturbing and irritating because of excessive drinking than it would be to get some other types of roommates - people who have irritating personal habits (hygiene issues or whatever), people who stay up really late for non-party reasons and cause you to get less sleep, and so on.</p>

<p>If someone doesn't want to drink, normally one can be around those who are partying without having to. On the other hand, if someone doesn't want to party at all, his/her most pragmatic option would be to just stay in the room.</p>

<p>While for the person who doesn't want to party, a substance-free dorm might seem like a more attractive option, I get the sense that the people who choose substance-free dorms often end up being people who are overly judgmental of those who choose to drink or use other substances - and these people in my experience tend to be unpleasant.</p>

<p>As for the person who asked what the point of something like this was, given the illegality of the actions anyways, I would think the answer to that is obvious. The drinking age in America is ridiculous, and while most pay lip service to it, many people would readily admit that in principle they either disagree with or ignore it. Under that understanding, then, the point of a substance-free dorm is to move alcohol from a status of "prohibited but acknowledged and possibly implicitly accepted to be OK" to a situation where students have taken positive action to affirm that they will not drink. At that point abstaining becomes a matter of honor (not to sound corny), and so is easier to punish. Not only that, though, it becomes more serious for students to violate the rule - it's now an actively affirmed contract, and a student shouldn't (and in most cases wouldn't) sign something like that in bad faith.</p>

19

<p>Kids involuntarily stuck in the substance free dorms at my school are normally miserable due to their floormates being anti-social as hell. </p>

<p>I wouldn't consider the other dorms as substance-promoting, as there is a fair mix of non-drinkers in them.</p>

20

<p>I live in a sub-free dorm right now at the University of Richmond, and I personally love it. I don't drink at all and I'm not interested in it, and I have made great friends who don't drink for one reason or other, and we are really close. The only thing I'll say with regards to your situation is this: let your son decide. If he thinks he might want to be around alcohol or drink himself, dont put him in sub-free because it's not fair to people who actually are in sub-free because they DONT want to be around it. My friends and I have spent nights taking care of other people on the hall and roommates and listening to people partying, etc. because their parents forced them to check the sub-free box on the housing form. It's not fair to make those around you suffer things that they did not want to be around in the first place, and are in a separate hall so that they won't be around it. </p>

<p>That's all I have to say :)</p>