<p>It’s very touching that his well-being is important to you. He’s a lucky kid to have someone concerned about him.</p>
<p>Still, he obviously has some level of high-functioning going on to have been accepted to a selective school. All you can, or should, do now is to let him know you care about him and are there to offer a listening ear, advice and support.</p>
<p>Yes, I said I do have first-hand knowledge,as outlined in first post. Families are long-time friends. Was called to pick him up second time at hospital as mom couldn’t be found. Mom has told me to keep quiet, which i have, which is why I’m reaching out here anonymously. His blood test was a .386%. And that’s only one time we know of when he was tested. So the risk of serious illness or death? Probably high. And he is a decent student, yes, but not to the level of most of the kids here. But also family owns a building on campus. But so be it. Even if this was junior college, the issue remains the same. He has a huge problem, family is hiding it, I know about it, I know him well. Do I walk away?</p>
<p>I’m not sure “walking away” is what people are saying. Walk toward… but walk toward him, not his college. If he refuses your help, if his parents refuse your help… then just let him know you’re there for him.</p>
<p>If you really feel that letting his college know is a matter of life and death, then wait until he’s actually there in the fall, and call a counselor in the student health service. Without using his name, ask the counselor about protecting the student’s privacy, respecting confidentiality, and ask what your next step would be in terms of doing what you can to help this student get the support he needs while he’s away at school.</p>
<p>'rentof2, excellent post - great advice.</p>
<p>I agree, great advise, thank you. I’ve already let him know I’m here and will continue to do so, as has my husband. Nix the college contact idea unless like you say, it continues next fall anmd health center or counseling is a necessity. Thanks for helping me think it through here.</p>
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<p>You do know that the privacy laws will prevent them from talking to YOU or anyone else unless the student gives permission.</p>
<p>If she calls though and doesn’t even give his name, then it’s not a privacy issue. Just asking the health center what they think her best options are.</p>
<p>Just a point of clarification, I believe you meant to type: 0.0386 BAC, not 0.386.</p>
<p>Most literature states 0.50 BAC as lethal.</p>
<p>This is a difficult dilemma you pose. If the rising first year is 18 already, the legal quandary for the mother is a higher bar (risk of self hurt or other for forced treatment) for her to force rehab if she’s even of the mind to do so. The local city’s legal system should by now have imposed great restrictions re: driver’s license probably cancelled and much more.</p>
<p>There is a long time between now and September 2011. The immediate present is very worrisome for this young man and others. For sure, he should be no where near a car, but for his own personal health and safety sake, he needs intervention. Sadly, I just don’t have the answers you seek.</p>
<p>If you’ve approached the parent and been rebuffed, you might just have to walk away…for now. If the student in question is in your house and the opportunity presents itself talk to the student. It’s hard for kids to see long term and they aren’t always aware of how the at the minute behavior can impact them long term. So be prepared to feel like you’ve had zero influence. If your child is a good friend you might talk to your child about speaking with the friend because if the friend is out really of control and it’s been going on for awhile your child will know.</p>
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<p>Actually, privacy laws would prevent them from disclosing any confidential information to you or anyone else without the student’s permission, but those laws would not prevent them from receiving information from any source that is not bound by privacy laws. So the conversation would be necessarily one-sided, but you could contact the college’s student health or counseling center if you thought it would be helpful.</p>
<p>Do any of your children know this kid?</p>
<p>Can you email the mom the link to the thread
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/159778-must-read-parents-students-lessons-learned-tragedy.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/159778-must-read-parents-students-lessons-learned-tragedy.html</a>
?</p>
<p>My kids knew him, though not very well (same school, different grades). He was a bright and talented student, and a big partier even in HS. From a very good and highly educated family. His parents knew about the drinking.</p>
<p>No I’m pretty sure I mean .386 because they pumped his stomach. The nurse told me he was more than 3 times over the legal limit of .08. I’m not great at math, but this is a boy who was found passed out on the street by cops and taken by ambulance to the hospital. He happened to stop by and eat dinner with us tonight, and we reiterated that we are here for him. He said he wants to go to a different college, but his family wouldn’t hear of it. It was clear he had been drinking, so we took his keys. Mom is out of town.</p>
<p>What a sad situation. :(</p>
<p>stay out of it.</p>
<p>What do you mean “stay out of it”? The OP is “in it” -it is about a kid whom she knows well, who comes to eat dinner at her house.</p>
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<p>This sounds ominous…as if his drinking were a passive-aggressive response to his lack of control over his life. Doesn’t sound like his drinking will decrease until this problem is solved.</p>
<p>2011rocks – if either of my kids were ever in such a bad spot, I would be thanking my lucky stars they had someone who cares as much as you. I can tell you feel sick watching this nightmare unfold. You know how it could end – that’s the horrible part. </p>
<p>I echo 'rentof2’s approach – stay involved with this kid. You care – don’t stop. Stay in their life as much as possible. I don’t know how far away their prestigious college is, but maybe you can “be in the area” and offer to meet up for coffee. Check in on this kid. Stay in touch. Show you care and in a non-judgmental way. Maybe there will be a moment when you can offer your advice, or let them talk about ways to decrease the destructive behavior. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>If I were in the position of 2011rocks, I’d prob choose to continue inviting kid over, but I’d be certain not to have any temptations available to him in my home.
Further, if I thought it was my business to help his parents be better parents, then I’d go to his parents myself, discretely, and discuss it.
I do not see any way a college can force parents to do anything. A college is a hired service, not a judge and jury. They might encourage, sure. But you could do that yourself by going directly to parents if you think it is your business. IMO, going to the school to get them to encourage better parenting of someone else’s kid is quite a reach, and the motives and possible results would be suspect.</p>
<p>'rentof2’s first paragraph in post 23 says it well.</p>
<p>I see this differently than many of the other posters - I DO think going away to this school could very well kill him, especially since he has indicated he does not want to go. The pressure his parents are putting him under is literally killing this kid. Most states have easy to find judiciary case search web sites where arrest records can be found. His admission needs to be rescinded.</p>