<p>I am used to non-athlete parents comments since my son went ED to his dream Ivy. But I really expected fellow athlete parents to at least fake they were happy for him. At a competition recently, a parent from our team and I were chatting and he said I heard S is going to Ivy X. I said yes and we are very excited for him. He asked me if I was nervous, and I said no, planes exist for a reason, thinking he was referring to the distance factor. He said, 'No, I mean are you nervous about whether he can handle the academics." He then mumbled something about "accepted athletes", inferring that my son only got in because he was an athlete (and maybe also that he is not that bright). Grrrr. Later in the weekend another parent commented they would never pay for an Ivy education for undergrad. Why can't people just close their mouths as tightly as their minds? Rant over.</p>
<p>Sorry you had to experience that, Kate! I agree that it seems like people who hold those opinions should at least have the good judgment not to express them to the parents of those athletes. </p>
<p>My most difficult situation was when a parent strongly insinuated that my recruited athlete S took her S’s spot at the Ivy my S attends - she believed her S was better qualified academically. I guess there will always be people who choose to look at the negative aspect of a situation rather than being happy for someone else. It is frustrating. Thankfully though, our frustration has long been eclipsed by the gratitude and satisfaction we have now in seeing our S thrive both academically and athletically at his school.</p>
<p>^^ya, happen to me many times over the past 5 months. there’s a thread on this if you’re interested, with a bunch of similar stories</p>
<p>this is why I overtly let people know my kids SAT score before it was announced where she was signed. such as, will it didn’t hurt to get a 2300 on her SAT…I just couldn’t take the BS comments that she “got in” because of her sport.</p>
<p>I felt like saying, hey she’s not only a more talented athlete than your kid she’s also a lot smarter than your kid:)</p>
<p>Ha, I thought a 35 ACT would shut people up about the ‘admitted athlete’ thing until I heard, “oh, she’s a good test-taker, too” </p>
<p>You have to laugh</p>
<p>So sorry you’re experiencing this, Kate. Here’s the link to the thread pacheight may be referring to. There are some anecdotes you’ll appreciate!</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/athletic-recruits/882199-abi-athlete-bashing-incident.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/athletic-recruits/882199-abi-athlete-bashing-incident.html</a></p>
<p>Anyone with a talented child has been a victim of this at some point or another. For us, the snarkiness was worse when my daughter first started getting lots of press attention for her athletic accomplishments. Parents were so jealous of that publicity, which stunned me because I hadn’t thought that many people read or cared about what was in the high school sports pages! Because D was relatively high profile athletically, and kids had found out about her SAT scores, there was no disputing she was qualified for top schools. Thus we didn’t get many nasty reactions when she was first accepted and then signed. (Other than the standard “I would never send my S/D to Ivy X for undergrad.”)</p>
<p>But D signed before most kids had received all their college notifications. Interestingly, what I’m seeing now after April 1 is Snarkiness Round 2 from disappointed and envious parents. One “friend” whose D was rejected from the top schools, has started picking on any number of other things about my daughter. This week she insinuated that D was not fulfilling her duties as officer of the club her D and mine are members of. Last week when we were discussing a controversial high school incident about which our D’s had differing opinions, she implied that my D’s opinion was morally inferior to that of her D. The week before that, there was some snide remark related to D’s prom arrangements, and for the weeks before that she was finding many faults with my D’s chosen school. And this is someone who I’ve never known to be anything but a nice and caring person. It really is hurtful.</p>
<p>Hardest of all has been the animosity from D’s coaches. From freshman year on they have tried again and again to bring her down. I could tell you stories that would curl your hair. But when D told them she had been accepted to one of HYPC, they had no reaction other than “OK.” No congratulations, no “Great job!,” nothing. So D gave them the benefit of the doubt and said “Maybe they aren’t impressed because they don’t see Ivy X as a good sports school.” But then she told them she was accepted to and would compete for a top school which has national prominence in her sport. Still no reaction. It was really shocking.</p>
<p>Luckily this part of the process hits a crescendo around graduation time and then everyone disperses. Each family can start spending their energy making plans for fall rather than worrying about what everyone else is doing. It WILL get better. Hard to listen to the sour grapes and rationalizations though. I admire the few parents who can say their kid is going to a school that is a perfect match with complete disregard for prestige, and respect for their child’s gifts and preferences. These people are rare.</p>
<p>I just don’t get parents…</p>
<p>for example last spring at the end of the yr
–a father spent a good deal of time telling me their student’s GPA,
and blah blah–about where the student would be competing etc…
and how they didn’t have to do a thing to push their athlete…
–how self motivated the student is…blah blah…</p>
<p>I commented how wonderful it is that so-so is such a great student, athlete etc…and congratulations to them and to him…because it is nice. It is nice that the student is doing well --I am glad because these kids are the future leaders of our communities</p>
<p>However-- this parent, student and the family never has a congratulatory word for our student-athlete who has had very high academic success, some equally nice athletic success, national awards, etc…even an article in the local papers…
never a word…</p>
<p>I can be happy for someone else’s kid and I am truly glad to see the “local boy/girl” get recognized…
I think there are parent’s who have their own self worth wrapped up in their kids success and forget to be an encouragement to our youth in general…</p>
<p>I am sorry Kate in Fl that you and your student got stomped on…</p>
<p>I guess it just goes with the territory. I do expect it from non-athlete parents, but the comments came from a parent who has known my son for years. His son has spent the night here and my son there. He knows how hard both boys have worked and I certainly am happy for his son finding a fit. Just stinks…so few people are willing to acknowledge how hard these student-athletes work. Probably just sour grapes–the dad said the sport had been a waste of time and money as his son was offered very little money. When I told him my son got NO athletic money, that seemed to please him. I did not mention no Ivies give athletic money. Not. worth. it. I appreciate the understanding from all of you!</p>
<p>I think it is funny how many parents assume there is money just waiting for their child at the end of the “sport” rainbow. Particularly in equity sports! These sports are very demanding, train year round, many hours a week and require a huge dedication of time and money, at the expense of family time and lots of other ECs. One would reasonably expect that there is plenty of money for everyone. The reality is, there are so many more athletes at the high school level than there are at the collegiate level and for most top programs, you have to be at the olympic level to get any significant amount of money. Yet coaches still feed this line to parents of 8 yr olds, who fall for it hook, line and sinker! Not to say that there is not a spot for most who choose to compete in college, but precious few of those spots are accompanied by a fat check. And I think parents help to perpetuate this myth. No one wants to admit that after putting 10 years or more into a sport, all they got by way of scholarship money was an amount that barely covers books and fees. Yet that is the reality for the majority of equity athletes. And while rudeness is never appropriate, I know some parents feel “scammed” when the reality sinks in. Unfortunately, it makes it hard for them to be happy for those successful in the recruiting process. </p>
<p>Kate, I am so sorry you had to deal with this. But unfortunately, we all do, at one time or another. And I am very proud of your son for his accomplishments, I know he will have a great college experience! He is an accomplished athlete and student! And thank you for being honest about receiving no athletic money. The more parents educate other parents to the reality of all this, the better off everyone will be. Knowledge is power!</p>
<p>In the case of the op and many other cases, the parent is simply jealous. A lot of parents feel that their kids are the greatest at everything in the world. I mean you are suppose to be proud of your children and what they do, but realize that they are not the best at everything. They cannot be humble about their children’s accomplishments.</p>
<p>There is a fine line that occurs when revealing a child’s success in college admissions for sports. For the longest time, I refrained from telling anyone unless it came up in conversation. I guess that’s because I’ve wanted to avoid all of the nonsense people have been describing above. On the other hand, people you would call your friends should be told promptly only because it’s the polite thing to do. So I assumed, correctly, that word would leak out before I had to say much. I think some parents are disappointingly jealous, but I also think the worst is when my child’s peers (also athletes, sometimes teammates) are jealous. That kind of pain is tougher to watch through my child’s eyes.</p>
<p>a swim parent said to me the other day, when she heard my son didn’t end up getting accepted to an ivy where he was being recruited, that it was probably a good thing since he would have had a tough time keeping up academically. who says things like that out loud ??</p>
<p>Kate, Sorry your experiencing this attitude. There is nothing we can say or do that is going to change their attitude and their way of thinking. Simply deflect the conversation to their kid, walk away, or tell them their an idiot and have no clue what they are talking about. If your really ****ed off, you can also remind them that you began the athletic recruiting process 18-24 months ago while their son/parent was sitting on their *ss. Just a thought…</p>
<p>“who says things like that out loud ??”</p>
<p>Morons.</p>
<p>^^jbevangelista…
I am so sorry to hear someone was so hateful and cruel–</p>
<p>Imagine how that parent would feel to have someone say that to them or their kid for not getting into the colleges they were looking at…they would likely be upset, hurt and angry…and yet that stuff comes out of their mouth!?</p>
<p>Snarkiness in other parents can be so upsetting - you would hope that people would remember to keep their mouths shut if they have nothing nice to say! It does seem to get better after graduation, but the vibe may linger on afterwards… </p>
<p>For those families whose student-athlete has been admitted to one of their top choices, there is every reason to feel proud of the student’s accomplishments and of the college outcome. But it’s also to be expected that others will not necessarily feel so happy or supportive - especially in this age where so many qualified students are not admitted at their top choice schools.</p>
<p>^^well put</p>
<p>in the context of this forum, it’s bad sportsmanship to make snarky comments. if D or one of her teammates said something like that to the losing team the coach would bench them immediately. these parents never learned about good sportsmanship</p>
<p>^^ Both good points.
Scholar-athletes (and parents) who have gotten into a great match school and are happy with those results need to remember not everyone has gotten into the school they pinned their hopes/dreams on for so long.
Qualfied or not (?)–we can’t know-- only AdComs know what makes a candidate an accept vs “sorry”…</p>
<p>Good sportsmanship and humility on both sides goes along way—</p>
<p>The point here is there are parents and students who are unhappy and say things that are unkind and unnecessary</p>
<p>I’m sad but not surprised to read your story, Kate. Every parent on this board has heard this crap, from parents of both athletes and non-athletes. But you and I and the rest here know the first fundamental truth of elite college athletic recruiting: For a recruited athlete to be accepted by an Ivy or comparable, their academics must be very, very strong.</p>
<p>As one Ivy coach told me regarding his sport. “Look at the national rankings. Of the top 50 kids, at most 5 will have the academics to be admitted to this or peer schools. We’re all competing for those 5 kids.”</p>
<p>Jealous and disappointed parents would rather believe that your child was unqualified and got an unfair break. “Sour grapes” somehow eases their pain.</p>
<p>When we realized my DS had his pick of schools, we were able to comfortably ignore the petty snarkiness of the disappointed and jealous because we realized he had been a beneficiary of the reality of the second fundamental truth of elite college athletic recruiting: An academically strong recruited athlete is spared the anxiety and angst that comes with competitive college admissions. These applicants are in essence ushered in through the side door while otherwise equally qualified non-athletes are stuck in the sub-10% lottery line that is the front door.</p>
<p>DS was highly qualified: unweighted 4.0, State and National AP Scholar, val, great scores, leadership, etc. Without athletics he was a great applicant, but CC is rife with stories of great applicants applying to multiple top schools and coming up empty. Happily, DS was in his top choice by LL in October and never had to complete another app. </p>
<p>Keep it in perspective.</p>
<p>Snarky parents: Annoying.</p>
<p>One and done 1st choice acceptance: Priceless.</p>
<p>Congratulations to your son.</p>
<p>Sherpa - A fabulous post - thank you! Totally true and a great perspective.</p>