<p>My daughter had too many choices and was overwhelmed with some things. I did lots of research and also read most of the brochures that came in the house to save her from that chore. She ended up getting into her favorite schools and also applied a top-fifty school that offered merit and was a safety ( where I asked her to apply). She was awarded and took the money. She is a senior.</p>
<p>My son had fewer choices and less interest in the process than his sister. He applied to a wide range of schools and also ended up at the school where I had asked him to apply. He also has some scholarship money. </p>
<p>So our family was looking for good financial options and I took care of the research to find those. Neither of the kids would have had that as a concern. As we are older parents, the kids choices may make the difference on when my husband can retire.</p>
<p>Sorry, it was not my intent to be offensive-I am indeed most grateful for the advice I receive on that thread. Rather, what I meant was that the majority of parents who come here tend to be the type that care deeply for their child’s education regardless or are parents who have kids who may not fit the archetype that the school counselor is familiar with which leads them to seek out additional help. Honestly, I think that level of involvement is kind of unusual for most children and obviously, the kids of CC parents are lucky they have such involved people but I think it’s uncommon.
Perhaps “inordinate” was the wrong word- uncommon might have been a better choice.</p>
<p>With regards to independence- I think it’s the best choice for me since my family is not familiar with the culture here, as immigrants, and I would rather navigate these waters on my own than unnecessarily clash with people I care about. Because of certain circumstances, I’ve been allowed to do that more often and I feel much better because of it. Cultural tension been a constant theme throughout my life and perhaps my background and observations of similar kids at my former HS has skewed my impression of what is proper. I will try to be more clear the next time I post- early morning has a way of messing with a person.</p>
<p>ecounter - Offensive is not the word I would use at all. It was not, but your explanation was very gracious. As the adult I could have just as well let it go. We enjoy your input and hearing of your progress.</p>
<p>This is a very naive assumption. Do you know how much money you, as a student, will be able to borrow on your own, without a co-signer? Not more than about 30K for the whole four years. How much money are your parents capable of borrowing? Do they have a good credit rating? How much debt can they afford to service? They will be the ones co-signing your loans if they exceed the Stafford maximums.</p>
<p>Do you actually know if you will be eligible for need-based financial aid? Many are shocked to find that they are not. Have you filled out any net price calculators on the websites of the colleges you’re interested in? Do you know if your stats (test scores and GPA) make you a likely candidate for merit aid at the schools you’re interested in?</p>
<p>These are the kinds of issues that parents really need to help students with. Most students don’t have a good understanding of their parents’ finances. Make sure that even if your parents are not willing to discuss their financial situation with you, that at least they have seriously researched how to finance college for you based on their own circumstances. Otherwise you may end up applying to and getting into a bunch of colleges you can’t afford, and you will waste a lot of your time, energy and morale. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>For some families, finances aren’t a concern. They can & will pay $60K per year for their child to attend college, so why stress? My role is like many of the other parents here, to research and be the financial advisor. </p>
<p>Since you’re already here on CC, perhaps you can share some of the information you’ve learned with your parents.</p>
<p>The casualness of this statement worries me, too. I still here this naive assumption out there that if you don’t have 60K lying around to pay for college every year, that someone else will pay (financial aid, scholarships, etc.). In fact, there is no one out there to pay. There are a few specific routes:</p>
<p>1) find a low priced option (in state school, community college) and research how much it will cost and determine whether you can afford it with federally guaranteed student aid. </p>
<p>2) find one of the (relatively few) merit offers from individual schools (not scholarships for left handed caddies, but money offered for academic merit, usually from the school; think of it as a coupon), and see if those schools are affordable. </p>
<p>3) get admission to a need-blind school that offers to meet full need (usually reach schools that are difficult to get into, so cannot be relied on) and check their calculators to see how much aid they predict they will give you. </p>
<p>All of these plans require your parents help (because you need to know their financial situation) and are also prone to some level of uncertainty of your parents income/assets aren’t simple (i.e. they’re not simple, married, wage earners with no extraordinary conditions). </p>
<p>Navigating this financial need system is a big part of why parents are here trying to figure things out for their kids (and other people’s kids).</p>
<p>Yep! That was me too. A lot of parents come here so they DON’T unduly stress out the kid during what is a very stressful time for everyone - especially the waiting for decisions!</p>
<p>My kids had awesome college counselors and I didn’t stumble onto CC until after he was rejected from his ED school… what an entry to listen to people truly believe that the reason their exact same stat kid as mine got in was because he was just that special. Now I think there are lots of special kids, but when it comes to select colleges, some of it is just pure lottery once you get past the scores, gpa, etc. And i will be the first to admit that I was slightly freaked in reading the stats here and wondering if S was going to get in anywhere! He got into every single one of his other schools except for Johns Hopkins and Georgetown - neither of which would have ultimately been a good fit AND were ones he added really at the very last minute.</p>
<p>In any event, I learned a lot about the process in general and was much more helpful when the kids did ask me questions. At least I had an educated answer! </p>
<p>But do not underestimate the need to understand your financial limitations. We did not have that constraint on our kid’s choices and had always promised them that where they got in and wanted to go, they would be able to attend. We’re very fortunate (and slightly broke because of it). And I can bet you my kids think they did it all on their own with no help from me except proofing an essay or two. Well, actually I had been updating their HS resume’s all along, so that was pretty much done for them as well. But that was just an organizational thing in my mind. In any event, as you’ve read here, if there are any financial limitations, you had better look at the FAFSA and would be well served to start researching schools where merit money might be a possibility. Do not assume you will just qualify for enough financial aid to attend. For one, that’s not the case with MOST schools and those who will are far more selective than most kids will qualify for.</p>
<p>Just make sure your parents aren’t staying uninvolved because they don’t know how to tell you that they can’t contribute to the bill. A lot of parents dont realize how much the process has changed since they went to college and a lot more haven’t a clue what college really costs - even at in state schools.</p>
<p>any parent posting on this forum is by default an involved parent. it will cost me more than $500k to send two kids to college. I want to make sure that the money is well spend.</p>
<p>My daughter has been dating a lovely young man for several years who is the child of immigrants and who had no guidance during the application process. He went to high school in an area of the country where the average income is near the top in the U.S. I am certain that some of his schoolmates were from extremely wealthy families. He was not. </p>
<p>He was a National Merit Finalist, yet never knew about the scholarship opportunities with that. Now before people jump all over that, I know that he probably got the mailings unless he did not check the box. Though his scores were high, he was not a 4.0 student.</p>
<p>Had he had some guidance, he could have graduated debt-free. Perhaps he would have made the same choices, but it is nice when somebody does some research. Whether it is the parents or the students does not really matter.</p>
<p>We helped our kids find schools to apply to that seemed to have their particular areas of interest. We also helped them keep a file of info, and a calendar of deadlines.</p>
<p>Since we helped with the selection of schools for applications, we felt it was up to our kid’s to choose which school to attend from their accepted school choices.</p>
<p>You self explained part of reason parents here are so involved</p>
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<p>Our GCs were awful and very few kids from our school were Ivy level applicants. A friend who had a son at private school (do you go to one?) was so surprised at all the things our school did not do that her son’s school did. More than one student missed deadlines because of the GCs.</p>
<p>Families are all different. That fact your parents are immigrants says a lot as to why you needed to be self driven.</p>
<p>At the same time, there are probably things in your family that would be unacceptable to do that would be fine for a cc parent.</p>
<p>I’ve struggled a lot with this and, for the past several weeks, have been feeling quite a bit of guilt about how involved I’ve been with my niece’s application process – and how much stress I’ve brought to it. I’ve pushed her a lot harder than I probably should have. </p>
<p>When I was growing up, my parents were loving but very hands-off when it came to decisions about college. They never attended college themselves and they had complete confidence that I would make the right decisions. I chose my classes, created my college list, scheduled my interviews, decided to apply early decision, and wrote my essays without any input from my parents. And I remember how proud I was that I was making all these decisions and that I was taking control of my life. I’m so grateful that my parents let me do this.</p>
<p>I, on the other hand, couldn’t do it. My niece has visited 20+ colleges on tours that I have painstakingly planned. Since we started to talk about colleges in the December of her junior year, I’ve been relentlessly focused on how behind we are with everything. She’s had SAT tutors. There are spreadsheets tracking everything from multiple rounds of essay revisions to whether she’s sent interview thank you notes. And there’s always one more college I’d like her to consider. It’s been like bootcamp.</p>
<p>So while the grades and the scores are all hers, I feel like I’ve taken something from her – the chance to take control of her own future – because I worried that by the time she figured out what to do, she’d have fewer options. </p>
<p>Would I feel differently if the guidance counselors at her school had the time to even talk to the kids about college? Maybe. But in their absence, I tried to fill a void and, I’m afraid, suffocated her in the process. This was her chance to take control and I worry that I did more damage than good by not allowing that.</p>
<p>Don’t beat yourself up kelbee. Your niece has her entire college career and chosen field to work in to have independent experiences to remember her accomplishments in. </p>
<p>My parents did not help me in my path but luckily, I mean really luckily, it all turned out fine. It could have gone not so great so easily and I look back and wish they had been more involved. </p>
<p>There is no single right way to do this part of the college search, there are so many variables that have to stack just so. Whatever help you gave her was how it was supposed to go for her. She’s not done yet and you aren’t going to college with her so its really okay.</p>
<p>Nah, my old HS was a wealthy suburban public that didn’t rank. There wasn’t a lot of hand holding- although there were “seminars” to educate the students on post secondary education. I think there were just a lot of motivated, CC type kids who did well and then subsequently inspired the next ‘generation’. The culture was more of “being smart is good, provided you have social skills” rather than the typical HS cliches. Of course, I’m sure most of the parents were at least upper middle class and had the resources/invested in their kids’ education.</p>
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<p>True on both accounts. The expectations are definitely higher and I am sort of expected to figure this stuff out. Given my family’s background, though, I feel quite privileged. As to flexibility: there certainly is some culture clash. Interestingly, though-most of the “inspirational kids” at the old school were the immigrant type, so maybe it’s not that terrible after all. :)</p>
<p>OP - It’s great that you have the time and expertise to do the college search on your own. It’s critical though that you interlock your parents on finances. Often parents don’t realize that college can cost $60K/year and don’t set a budget.</p>
<p>Between myself and Mrs Turbo we have a combined 28 years of college (undergrad and grad), and 7 STEM majors & degrees. Granted, the info is 15+ years old but not quite out of date. It would be very helpful to not have to learn the hard way.</p>
<p>If one is interested in, say, nursing or marketing or what not in their state flagship, not much parental input may be needed. But if a student selects (or ‘selects’ :)) a major his/her parents know a thing or two about then the parents would be doing a disservice by not getting involved. </p>
<p>DD1 decided early on (9th grade) she loved architecture. So, we looked around to find schools that are a good ‘fit’ for her (academically, studio culture, type of program, etc). We nailed it pretty well. The school (a huge nearby out of state flagship with all the benefits and distractions) has been fantastic and COA has been reasonable after scholarships. </p>
<p>DD2 is all over the place (9th grader, ugh :)) and things are a bit more fluid. With my crystal ball I see talent in a couple of STEM areas so we’re exploring there via high school classes to see if they pan out, and if they do, we can worry about schools. I have brought up some schools I have had experience with (visits or friends who went there) that would have been under the radar otherwise (Here’s Ohio, here’s Cleveland, here’s Case Western :)) but for this kind of money I’m not going to be sitting back watching her go to some hoity-toity pony school (LAC or otherwise)…</p>
<p>Finances are an issue but for the right destination they kind of cease to be. As DD1 jokes, she has a decent chance (25%) to get into Harvard GSD. A lot of money, for 3+ years likely twice what her undergrad cost us, but hey, it’s Harvard (or any of the other schools that the Hoi Polloi respect). Finances are not as much a black-and-white area as one would think depending on the value proposition.</p>
<p>Now if you want to redefine helicoptering (I call it V-22 Osprey), teach budding architecture students how to properly select glue and wood for their projects…</p>
<p>I was involved in terms of taking them to visits , narrowing down choices and suggesting career goals. The rest was on them…I now have a my youngest a high school sophomore and something tells me I will be more pro-active with her ( she needs a little more nudging ) That being said , I will not push her to take classes she doesn’t feel comfortable with . I know she will not want the same things in colleges that her siblings did , particularly when it comes to geography. I think I a looking forward to visits next year than she is :)</p>
Rather, what I meant was that the majority of parents who come here tend to be the type that care deeply for their child’s education regardless or are parents who have kids who may not fit the archetype that the school counselor is familiar with which leads them to seek out additional help. Honestly, I think that level of involvement is kind of unusual for most children and obviously, the kids of CC parents are lucky they have such involved people but I think it’s uncommon.