<p>Mini, if the grades fall or the kid doesn't complete requisite number of units, they lose their financial aid. A parent keeping track of grades is no different than tracking investments -- if, for example, I invested in rental property, I would want to be able to know if the units were rented and if the tenants were current on their rent. I wouldn't want to simply find out one day that the property was in foreclosure because no one had bothered to tell me that there were a bunch of vacant units and the place was in a state of disrepair.</p>
<p>As far as "trust" -- I will note that you are the father of daughters, not sons. Let me assure you that males are a very different breed than females. Much more likely to get into all sorts of trouble and much less likely to inform or confide in their parents when it happens -- so please don't go lecturing those of us who started by raising sons about "trust". In any case, it's very easy to be all smug about how much you "trust" your kids until the day that you find out that there is a disconnect between what you expect and what is going on in real life. Whether it happens to your or not is much more a matter of luck than trust -- there is no kid who is immune from running into academic problems. I actually think that if the parent insists on direct access to grade reports (either by mail or online), that makes it easier for the student who is struggling, because they don't have to figure out what to say or how to introduce the topic or explain things to their parents. </p>
<p>As I did note, if my kids are adults and paying their own way, then I don't think its any of my business. But when I am paying out more than a quarter of my annual income for tuition and living expenses, then I don't think its inappropriate for me to expect the same documentation that is required by any outside entity offering grant or loan money.</p>
<p>By the way, I'm still making payments on a PLUS loan for my son's college when he didn't even complete courses I was paying for. So yeah, I would have liked to know at the time -- maybe I could have helped him find the support he needed at a time when it would have been useful.</p>
<p>"Mini, if the grades fall or the kid doesn't complete requisite number of units, they lose their financial aid. A parent keeping track of grades is no different than tracking investments..." </p>
<p>My relationship with my kids is that I would be the first to know. It just wouldn't be an issue. (with my younger one, I'm always complaining that she tells me far too much, and I tell her so.) And, as I said, and I meant it, I am far more concerned if they are getting easy "A's" than about them failing.</p>
<p>I brought up foster boys as well. One at Princeton (interesting story).</p>
<p>And of course it is the ones who are struggling grade wise who will be more reluctant to share. I have 2 opposites. </p>
<p>My son, wonderful young man with an incredible work ethic in paid employment whose every employer has kept an open door welcome when he has moved on, not academic at all. Tried college - no scholarships (HS was a struggle because of learning disabilities) and we did not qualify for finaid at the time so we were paying out of pocket (CC as he did not apply for anything else) - did not share his grades which were not brilliant. Would it have made a difference if we had known - probably not. </p>
<p>Our daughter - very academic - excellent scholarships which, added to the finaid we now qualify for, means we are paying little - just books this year. Happy to share her grades with us - though we always know from the deafening silence if she has not done as well as she hoped in an exam. We don't have any leverage with her to make her tell us anything as we are not paying - but she does ask our opinion about classes and such - and sometimes even follows our advice.</p>
<p>
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My relationship with my kids is that I would be the first to know.
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Well, my relationship with my kids is that I have always granted them more independence. I don't expect to know everything about their lives... just the parts I am financing.</p>
<p>yayverily: sorry about the link. Back in March I copied the whole article into my thread labeled "NYT: After Campus Shootings, U.S. to Ease Privacy Rules" on the parents forum. Perhaps MIT is one of the many entities that misunderstands the full extent of the policy allowing parents to see grades of college kids who are dependents on their income tax returns.</p>
<p>If so, they are not alone. As the article states, efforts are being made to clarify these privacy policies. Can't come too soon to suit me. Sometimes intervention is needed, as previous posts demonstrate, as in the case of loss of FA or scholarship with dropping grades, parents paying dearly for "lost" semesters/years, disciplinary problems or mental health issues. We all need support sometimes, even us oldsters.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>By the way, I'm still making payments on a PLUS loan for my son's college when he didn't even complete courses I was paying for.<<</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Not paying for it, not seeing grades -- but then again, neither does my son. His college does not share the grades with the students; they get written evaluations instead.</p>
<p>For the record, unless the kid signs the waver, parents do not see grades.</p>
<p>3.5 years ago, when we took our D to start at U. Chicago, I told her how grading was tough there, so she should not expect to do as well as in HS. She asked what I'd give her for all A's (in HS, it was dinner at her favorite restaurant - a local sushi place). I figured I was safe, so I said $200. </p>
<p>Going into her last quarter, I realized I've shelled out $2,200 so far. (I've given her the benefit of the doubt, and counted A- as an A). </p>
<p>Wanting to monitor how your children are doing in school does not in any way imply that you value a certain gpa over a better learning experience. Nor does wanting a legal right to monitor your child's progress in college (which you may be funding) imply that you have a poor relationship or lack of trust with your children. (My kids trust me very much and they know my husband and I absolutely want them to have all of our assets in the event of our death, but we still have legal documents on file.)
Failing or poor grades can be indicative of mental or physical illness or other major problems for young adults. When they accept financial support, they agree to the conditions of the giver, hence the old adage, "He who has the gold, makes the rules." Trading complete freedom or a certain amount of privacy for financial support is not unlike accepting a job with an employer. You agree to certain conditions in exchange for a paycheck. If a family makes access to academic records a condition, that is their choice. If another family decides they don't wish to do so, that is their choice is well. Neither should be self-righteous about their decisions or judgmental about what others do... it is a personal choice. The OP was simply asking about the availability of access to his kid's record, not soliciting a referendum on whether he is such a good (or bad) parent that he would never (or often) need to access said records.</p>
<p>I require access to my son's college portal. I can see grades, email, etc. He doesn't use that email for anything other than school stuff. </p>
<p>He would tell me his grades without me looking, but he wasn't planning on mentioning the 'incident' concerning being in a place where there was alcohol (minor, but he wouldn't have told me). </p>
<p>I can also see his cell phone records. </p>
<p>I have told him that once he is off the parental payroll, I relinquish all access.
He honestly doesn't mind (much).</p>
<p>Way back in '01 - my oldest daughter's college explained to use at orientation that we do not have the LEGAL authority to request our ADULT childrens records. They need to sign a waiver. I suspect that colleges that provide parental access get waivers from the kids.
One of my kids have parent/prof conferences but required the student to be there.</p>
<p>With my kids - I don't obsess over their grades - they tell me. I usually hear about bad ones before good ones. My d is a college jr and I haven't seen a grade report from freshman year - she tells me her grades and gpa if I ask.</p>
<p>I do have a very strict rule - 4 years and I am done. If they mess up and have to take longer then they are on their own.</p>
<p>Guess what parents - even if you pay your child's health insurance and co-pays etc - you are NO LONGER entitled access to their medical records. They are adults.</p>
<p>I guess I am lucky that I feel I can trust my kids - if I ever found out they dropped out or were failing without telling me I would be very unhappy.
But seriously I don't need to know if the GPA is a 2.8 or a 3.3.</p>
<p>We are like mini and havent seen a grad report or asked. We are more interested in the things he is learning, his senior thesis and progress on his latest round of projects which his is very excited about.</p>
<p>He claims to be graduating Magna Cum Laud. We will have to see about that.</p>
<p>Calmom: I am the parent of boys. Once they reached the age of adulthood I valued their privacy and had faith in the way they were raised. They did share their grades with me, but I never logged onto their account nor did I make them sign anything giving me access to their accounts. I figured if there was something I needed to know, they would tell me.</p>
<p>We did give them four years of college tuition. That doesn't mean I have the right to intrude on their lives. It was my gift to them. I suppose had one of them done so poorly that they couldn't continue, then the tuition would have stopped. The oldest did take a semester longer than the four years. He paid for it himself. </p>
<p>You pay their health insurance. Would you withhold it if they don't share their test results? As a matter of fact, when they started college, I made clear to them that they were entitled to seek medical care at the University Health Center without informing me.</p>
<p>
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Guess what parents - even if you pay your child's health insurance and co-pays etc - you are NO LONGER entitled access to their medical records
[/quote]
Whoever pays the bill has access to very detailed information based on what is billed.... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the reasons behind certain types of lab tests & prescriptions. So while it may be true that the parent can't get the actual doctor's notes and files without a waiver.... there is plenty of detail in the bills, which ends up being nicely fleshed out by the time the insurance company has weighed in over what it will and won't pay. </p>
<p>It's just like the cell phone bill. I can't tell from the bill what my kid is talking about, but I certainly can see who she is talking to and how frequently they are talking.</p>
<p>ummmmm okay but one of my kids colleges teaches them to go to a clinic (like planned parenthood) and tell them they need treatment and don't have money.</p>
<p>Anyway - yep I see when my kids go to the dr. But I don't necessarily go with them - if they want me to know they will tell me. We have a pretty open relationship and if doesn't bother me at all. I don't see dr bills - just the insurance statement about the visit or lab work. It really isn't a big deal.<br>
Cell phone bill??? who has time to go through all of that? :eek:</p>