Parental Advice Needed

Parents Forum
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<p>I need help/advice/thoughts/suggestions about my college decisions. I'm currently in the lucky position to decide between three top 10 LAC. One gave my family $15000 in grants, the other gave us $10,000, and the third gave us ZIP. Nada. Nothing. The third was my dream school, completely and utterly. I love the feel, the academics, the superior program in my major... but even after an appeal, nothing. The one that gave us $15000 is not a good fit for me. </p>

<p>If that wasn't enough, I have a full ride to the state university. It usually is between 17-25 in US News. The full ride also comes with some nice perks - professors as advisors, prep for Rhodes Scholarships, etc. Between 10-20 people get them per year. </p>

<p>However, I am clearly a small school girl. CLEARLY. I want a close community, a great education. Most of all, I don't want to feel alone in loving learning. My parents are willing to pay for the school I fit best at. But I feel so guilty! Parents - I need your advice? Is it worth it to spend money for a top LAC? Will I be alone at Big State U? How much of a difference is there between top LACs?</p>

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<p>“My parents are willing to pay for the school I fit best at.”</p>

<p>The decision on how much they can afford is your parents to make and they have been clear about what they are willing to buy. There is no reason to feel guilty if it gives them pleasure to spend their money this way.</p>

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<p>I agree with M’s Mom. If your parents can comfortably afford to send you to your dream school, then go with your heart.</p>

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<p>I agree, if your parents are willing to pay for it and can afford it, then you have no reason to feel guilty. If you want to help out with the expense, plan on having jobs at school/during the summer to cover as much of the little costs as you can. You’re not entitled to the most expensive education, but if your parents are willing to pay for it and feel they can afford it, then go with your heart and be grateful that you are in a situation where you can do so.</p>

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<p>I’m sure your parents will want you to be happy with your college experience. Honestly, I think you would do well at ANY of the schools you have mentioned. If I was your parent and had saved the money to be able to send you to any of the four, I would hold to letting you make the choice. Not knowing your family’s finances it will be difficult to give you good advice. If your parents can do this comfortably then I would go where you feel you would fit in best. If finances might be a little tight it might be better to attend Big State U which can free up funds for things like a car, travel, and other things that can make for a richer college experience.</p>

<p>It’s nice to have all the options you have. Good luck!</p>

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<p>i’m in the same position, essentially. the school i most wanted to go to gave me very little…</p>

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<p>If I may play devils advocate here, and disagree with a few of the parents above…</p>

<p>Being a “Small school girl” might not be as “Real” as you think it is. I went to a school with 25,000 undergraduates, and at first the school feels gigantic. But in a few short weeks time I fell into a small triangle between where I slept, where I ate, and where I studied. I also fell into a small group of close friends. Think about it, you can only have 5-10 “Great” friends, and everyone else is more of an aquaintance. So regardless of your school being 25,000 or 250, you are still going to have about the same size group of ‘homies’. My Daughter was accepted into a small LAC, and I worried that in 4 years it would become way too small. At least at my massive school I could meet new people when I felt like it, and there was always something going on. My point (which I am doing a bad job of making) is that big or small, all campuses get very small, very quick. After all, your first day of High School that place was HUGE, and now you own it! But I digress…</p>

<p>Now, as to the full ride v full pay LAC, if your major or future career path will require a professional degree or continued education, ask yourself if the $200,000-$300,000 is worth it TO YOU. If you plan on being a Doctor or Lawyer, or getting a Masters, maybe you take a hard look at the state school and bargain with your folks to have them help you with that (down the line). Of course your parents want you to be happy, they love you, and would do anything for you. But will going to that small LAC make you a better person? Maybe discuss using some of the $200,000 they will save towards helping you travel to see the world, study abroad, do research, etc etc.</p>

<p>You are obviously a very smart young lady, and one that cares for her parents deeply. You are certainly not ungrateful. I would think with maturity such as yours, and with parents that care about you as much as they (seem to) do, you could sit down and have an honest chat about how you feel, how they feel, about how much sacrafice it will be to send you to the LAC, and about your fears of the huge school Maybe there is a win-win in the whole thing.</p>

<p>*I just re-read your question and read “Clearly” small school type girl twice. So maybe the state school isnt for you, I still stand by the advice to talk it out with mom and dad. It wiill keep you from feeling years and years of guilt, and sets the tone for more honest discussions.</p>

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<p>I’m going to second Imontoya in that big campuses aren’t really that big. Even walking to class you’ll see the same small group of people every day. Even huge lecture classes get small when you meet the students sitting next to you daily. A club, church group or just good dorm mates will give a sense of family.
The group you’ll be with at State U will be elite in itself, is there an honor’s dorm? It will probably seem more like an smaller school feel immediately with all the great perks and opportunities for a great college experience that big schools provide.</p>

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<p>One of the best things my parents did for me was make it clear that I could attend college wherever I chose. I vowed to ‘pay if forward’ to my kids and tell them the same thing. It has proven to be a costly commitment that will probably leave us with $40K of home-equity debt for two kids, but I’d do it over again today. </p>

<p>Sure, it makes the best economic sense to take a full-ride at an in-state university, and for some kids that would be the best choice anyway. It makes less economic sense to choose a more expensive ‘dream’ school that offers less (or no) aid, but not everything boils down to strictly dollars and cents. I feel great that I saved and earn enough to let my kids go wherever their dreams lead them.</p>

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<p>I agree with the two posts above. The honors dorm could make all the difference in the world. What’s more a state school that’s ranked 17-25 is going give you some incredible opportunities that an LAC never could. Save your money for grad school. Or if you’re not going to grad school make a deal with your parents and have them put all or part of the money in an account that you can access after your graduate so you can hit the ground running or do some traveling etc.</p>

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<p>I disagree completely. Learning experience at top LAC is completely different from that of even very top large U, and some kids benefit from one MUCH more than from the other.</p>

<p>My daughter also thought she was a “small school girl”. She picked a top LAC over a top U. She is now a grad student at a “very top U”, and thinks that her undergrad educational experience was vastly superior to that of undergrads she sees at her current university.</p>

<p>The financial side is for your parents to decide. If they can pay for your education without going into debt, and are willing to pay for your top choice school, let them. Repay them by doing really well, and making the most of the opportunity they are providing for you. We did this for our kids, and seeing them thrive was worth every penny.</p>

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<p>First, visit the schools if at all possible . . . if your “dream” school comes from your college application process last Fall, you are 6 months older and have changed and grown some since then</p>

<p>your college application process has ended , and end well; Congrats!!!</p>

<p>Now start your college selection process, so open yourself up to the possibilities . . think of the comments above about LAC vs. large schools as being pitches for you to consider anew where you might fit best; my comment about that is even though OSU-Columbus felt much smaller to DD than its population led one to believe, it still had a large school feel in the classroom</p>

<p>Second, back to your original question: what the best kinds of parents do is be clear with their kids about what the parents can afford, then let the kid be the lead for selecting a “well fitted” school within the budget</p>

<p>so accept the gift, and trust your parents to be in charge of their finances</p>

<p>and when have a child 25 years from now looking at colleges you can pay your parents back by helping their grandchild in the same way :-)</p>

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<p>

Value and fit are highly personal, and guilt is a useless emotion. </p>

<p>That said, some large well-ranked state schools do have ways you can “shrink” the experience, depending on your major. Our case is different (as my son attends a school of music, which is “small” -eg 800 students, but is part of a “large” university – University of Michigan – also top ranked like the state school you mentioned.)</p>

<p>I don’t know which state school you’re referring to, but student’s from my son’s small highschool (grad class of 85 students) who choose U.Mich for the merit have all managed quite nicely (and economically) via the Residential College (classes in same building where you live; small seminar-style socratic…only a few classes is the “big weeder auditoriums”) or Honors College (again, smaller socratic classes in some case, smaller residence-based social community) or one of Michigan’s “Community Living Experiences” (eg. Lloyd Hall Scholars, seminar-style arts and lit classes in your resident building with residential programming.</p>

<p>I’m pretty sure these types of environments are not exclusive to UMich, and that other high ranking state flagships would run similar programs to create environments preferred by highly desirable candidates such as yourself. </p>

<p>So you might want to spend a little time asking folks at the large state in question about ways to make the experience more intimate and more socratic before making your final decision.</p>

<p>The cost differential between a great LAC and a great Full Ride State is substantial enough to finance a masters, in some areas, to buy a nice house, and/or travel the world or ensure a future retirement fund that would sustain a decent lifestyle in your golden years.</p>

<p>If your parents spend that money now, they might not have it to give later – (then again, it really depends on how well off they are – they also MAY intend to help you with all those things.)</p>

<p>But at the end of the day, if your gut tells you the unfunded LAC is the right fit for your future, graciously accept your parents’ generosity - I’m sure they would enjoy giving you that gift! They would be proud of you for being so careful and sensitive in your consideration of this decision. So kudos to you!</p>

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<p>If your parents are honest in telling you that they can make 4 years at the expensive school happen for you, and you really want to go, then go for it. But be really sure about their ability to pay. You don’t want to be in a position of having to leave after 1 or 2 years because of financial reasons. </p>

<p>I went to undergrad to a school that had 20,000 undergrads and law school to a school that had a little over 500 students. Big difference in so many ways…</p>

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<p>Do not assume that the students at the large public U won’t also love learning as as you do. Also realize that all large places- schools and cities, are made up of many smaller communities. Ask yourself if the LAC will have the courses you want and majors if you change your mind like many students do. Be sure the general feel fits you so you don’t outgrow it. Alumni are often passionate about their alma mater, whether it is large or small.</p>

<p>A “top 10” LAC is likely to offer a great experience. It may also get you away from your familiar area and offer a lot of nonacademic benefits in that alone. It sounds as if your parents can afford the additional costs of the private school. If so, go for it. Do not give up all of your dreams to save some money now. You should, however, have the finances talk with your parents so you understand the impact on your family with each choice. It may mean the zero grant school should be off the list and the 10,000 school is a better choice than the free ride at State U. You will find a peer group- some whose intellect you will be awed by- at your state U but are likely to be immersed in it at the LAC. Good luck deciding.</p>

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<p>In the end, go with your heart if it’s affordable (and remember it may extend past 4 years). There will always be arguments for both large and small schools. Big schools can be made to feel smaller, small stays small. There are smart, motivated students in both venues. You’ll meet them.<br>
Do what I’ve always done…get a sheet of paper…draw a line down the middle and start listing reasons to go to each school. List reasons to NOT go to that school. Learn to prioritize what you want and need. Pretty much works for most big decisions! Written on paper it’ll be clearer.</p>

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<p>Thank you for everyone’s advice. I have spoken with my parents, and they are completely willing to pay for my education. I feel morally obligated some days to accept the full ride, but then I realize that I don’t want a repeat of high school. I have had no friends in high school, and I’ve been the token freak/geek for loving learning. About 60 kids from my 250 person class will attend Big State U, many of them in Honors. Although I would be separated in the 10-20 person “ultra” Honors program, I know I would see them often. I want a new start, and I think that I can do this in college. I’m planning on going to humanities grad school, so grad school will be funded (I don’t need to worry about grad school essentially). </p>

<p>I still have no idea where I am going, but I’m glad to have read your responses. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said with absolute certainty that I would NEVER go to Big State U if I had gotten into my dream school. I’m older now, and I am glad that I am considering it. I would save my parents a lot of money, but I have to decide whether I am willing to sacrifice happiness and friends. I have written to three people who have chosen this program, and two of the three are considering transferring, and all three regret choosing it. They have not been academically challenged, despite the many opportunities to coauthor papers, do research, etc. It’s limiting for them to have so few peers. They say, however, that career wise, this program will get them where they want to go. I don’t think I can stand being alone for four more years.</p>

<p>I think I am going to choose one of the LACs. I’m on the waiting list for my favorite LAC, so I’ll probably stay on the list and choose one of the others. Much to the dismay of my 6 AP teachers, I am taking three days off school to visit my choices. I think it’s a good decision. </p>

<p>Thank you again for your input.</p>

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<p>Best of Luck to you!</p>

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<p>I thought I was a “small school girl,” too, when I was applying to colleges. I’d attended a tiny, all-girl’s high school and loved the intimate feel. I spent a year at a LAC (not one of the prestigious/more selective ones), realized that I would be horribly bored if I stayed there for four years, and so transferred to Cornell, which, it turned out, I adored.</p>

<p>Big schools aren’t just an undifferentiated mass of anonymous human beings, but a collection of small communities. You will make friends in your dorm, in your major, in the classes you take to fulfill your distribution requirements, and in the clubs you join. Although LAC adherents like to tell horror stories about horrible overcrowded, impersonal classrooms at big schools, that has not been my experience either as a student or now, as a professor at one. There are more students, but there is also a wider number and range of classes. The crucial number you should check, therefore, is not the total number of students but the average/median class size at the large university that has offered you a full ride. In my own case, I forged friendships with my professors at Cornell that have lasted through my adulthood. I also have many friends among my former undergraduates.</p>

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<p>jingle: This Big State U is nothing like Cornell. If I had a full ride to Cornell, I would attend in a blink of an eye. This is one of the largest universities in the country. The student faculty ratio is about 21 students : 1 faculty, not including grad students. I believe most classes are 30-50 students, but there are MANY hundreds of people lectures.</p>