<p>Thanks for the info. I honestly think I’m living the life my mother-in-law described to me with my husband. He is extremely intelligent, and as I alluded to in an earlier post, he took the 10+ year path to graduation. He started taking evening college courses in high school. He had no study skills because he had never studied before. He did not do well in college at all for the first several years. It wasn’t until we got married at age 25 that he told me he knew he needed to get serious for our family. While his grades did improve, they still weren’t stellar. Then our son was born, and that changed everything for my husband. He put everything into school then, and finally graduated when S was 3. S was the motivation that H needed and from then on, he was on the dean’s list every semester.</p>
<p>The big difference is that H never had creative aspirations, and was certainly never desired to be a hip hop dancer. He just needed motivation to dedicate himself to his studies. S and I gave him that motivation. Hopefully S will find his motivation and career aspirations that are more conventional (for my sake/sanity).</p>
<p>Your son will probably end up doing something very conventional. Most people do… that’s why it’s “conventional”, I guess. But if he spends some time now exercising his creative side, that is immensely valuable too.</p>
<p>It’s interesting he feels like his life has been too controlled by his parents. For a very smart kid to be 20 years old, living at home with no plans to move, having never been on his own, crafting his own life with its own rules… well it isn’t surprising he feels that way. It’s not a big deal for everyone to crave youthful independence, but it’s not unusual either.</p>
<p>If he could actually have that independence for a while, you might see he settles down and becomes conventional very quickly. For me with regard to my own kids, conventional is not really my hoped-for scenario, but it’s their lives and they’ll figure it out on their own.</p>
<p>Mto3 ~ I’ve read this entire thread and several issues are apparent to me as an outsider.</p>
<p>First, there’s only 3 of you in this discussion, each emotionally attached with varying opinions. To me, two new independent professionals need to be involved. If your son is so adamant against it, tell him that he gets to choose the professionals but he alone or all three of you together is/are going; otherwise, the stagnation will continue to persist. I would take the stand that a.) he or all three together need to talk out your feelings with a non-biased counselor as there seems to be more going on with him (or family dynamics) than just an ‘undecided major’, and b.) his potential medical issues need to be RULED OUT (physician) since so many potential conditions have been suggested. Nobody will force him to take drugs but all of you need to know ‘for fact’ that there’s no disguised/undiagnosed condition or learning disability. I refused for years to listen or even entertain the possibility that my son had ADD but once on treatment, he could/can enjoy and function in his life much more. Even with your experience and education, is it possible you can’t see the forest for the trees due to your natural emotional involvement? Remember that love is blind.</p>
<p>Second, your husband (and possibly your son) seems to suffer from Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. (Google the name.) I’ve suffered from it for as far back as I can remember. The body’s natural biorhythm is out of sync with the rise and fall of the sun, unlike the great majority of the population. There is no real, long term treatment but I do take meds that help to ‘knock my brain out of gear’ which helps with sleep onset. My NATURAL, genetic sleep cycle is 3am - 11am. However, knowing you have a real medical condition is a great comfort instead of thinking you’re at fault and continue to fail at trying to change. Very few ‘normal’ people can accept it and think I choose not to change but just knowing ‘it’s not my fault; it’s my brain’s wiring’ greatly helps. When a 9 to 5 society can’t accept my nature, I find one that will (just like your husband does).</p>
<p>Third, you mentioned that he slid through HS on natural intelligence. My son did that through 10th grade but I couldn’t change his attitude. It took an independent 3rd party for him to see the error of his ways. For your son, he never learned how to plan, prepare and study correctly in HS. Is there not a university or community college course he can take that will teach him proper study habits? To me, this seems to be a step he missed in his early education and his grades are now suffering for the lack of this learned skill.</p>
<p>Lastly, once he gets his other issues sorted out, has he considered one of the many engineering fields? Most engineering degrees required both good math skills as well as creativity and he seems to have both.</p>
He just needed motivation to dedicate himself to his studies. S and I gave him that motivation. Hopefully S will find his motivation and career aspirations that are more conventional (for my sake/sanity).</p>