Parental influence in college decision

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hey, I am currently trying to decide between two schools: Notre Dame-Honors Program and Dartmouth. I have posted a thread in the main forum about which of these schools I should choose and all of my friends at school have advised me to choose Dartmouth. However, my parents are very set on Notre Dame. They have been very quiet about it, as they do not want to influence my choice too much (I think they are also afraid that their pro-ND advice would turn me decidedly pro-Dartmouth).</p>

<p>I know this is my four years, and I think my parents realize that too; however, I do not want to let them down and choose the other school, especially since I am not sure what I want at this point. There are things that appeal to me about both schools. My parents prefer Notre Dame because it is closer to home, Catholic, and I am eligible for a small scholarship there through the Knights of Columbus (we are not otherwise eligible for financial aid at either school). My friends prefer Dartmouth because of it's Ivy League name and supposedly superior academics.</p>

<p>I am planning on majoring in biochemistry and minoring in Chinese, with pre-med intent (though that may change). I would also like to study abroad during college. Finally, I will probably not end up at a super prestigious graduate/medical school. If, after four years, I decide to go on to medicine, I will probably apply to the U of MN medical school, since it is a top ten med school and would offer me in-state tuition, which will be important, since I will have to take out loans.</p>

<p>I wanted to ask the parents here about your thoughts on the issue, since I'm sure many of you are familiar with my parents' situation. Also, I know Notre Dame ranked 4th for parents' dream schools for their children while not ranking in the top ten on the students' list. How much should I let my parents preference affect my school choice? And what do you think about the two schools in terms of academics, prestige, and job/grad school placement? Does a small scholarship and happy parents make choosing the non-Ivy worth it?</p>

2

<p>shellzie, it's your life. If money is not a big factor, then you need to go where you believe you will be happiest and get what you want academically, pure and simple. Also, these two schools are very different - have you visited each, and what was your feeling?</p>

<p>Your parents love you, and they will adjust to your choice. When they see you thriving at the college of your choice, they will be proud and happy.</p>

3

<p>You should discuss this with your parents. Find out how strong their opinions are. After all they are paying the bills and have veto power.</p>

4

<p>Shellzie--instead of dealing in anecdotal information and the opinions of people who are not you, try to step back and look at the choices objectively. Compare the academic departments and the requirements. Look at statistics about where graduates go, where they come from, what sort of campus life prevails. Look at issues of the student newspaper to see the climate of the campus. E-mail current students about where they live, what their social life is like, the weather, etc. What does the honors college offer besides money? How does this compare to what you'd be studying at Dartmouth?</p>

<p>This exercise may help clarify your choice and it will also offer some concrete information to share with your parents who do need to feel as though they are part of the decision-making process. It will show your maturity and self-confidence--which will support your ability to make a wise choice for you. I also agree with yulsie that they will adjust to whatever choice you believe is best for you. Sometimes as parents there is a fine line between wanting your view taken into account and making your child feel like they need to make a particular decision to please you. I am sure that they are getting their own cold feet about you going far awaybut do not want to interfere with what would truly make you happy if that's Dartmouth.</p>

5

<p>I know its my life, however, at this, point, I don't know what I really want. I have visited Notre Dame and I loved the campus and thought the Catholic and "family" atmosphere there was very appealing. I am planning to visit Dartmouth during their admitted students program later this month. The campus looks gorgeous from the pictures, but I am a bit concerned about the strong frat presence on campus, since I'm not really a partier. However, the general consensus is that academics are better at Dartmouth and I would meet far more highly motivated people more similar to myself. However, the political and social scene at Notre Dame seems a bit more to my taste.</p>

<p>I know my parents will still love me no matter what I choose and, as I mentioned, they are staying pretty quiet about the whole issue. So please don't think this is one of those "my parents are trying to control my life" threads, because its not. I just want to know how much stock I should put in their opinion.</p>

<p>When it comes down to it, come May 1, if I am still indecisive- should I trust my parents or my friends and the US News rankings? Also, does anyone have any thoughts about decision between the two schools?</p>

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<p>Shellzie>>> CONGRATS! ! you can't go wrong with either of these schools. You'll get a top flight education at either of them. While written rankings are nice, the difference between say #3 and #20 is not that great. I would look at the social climate that you're comfortable with, your #1, #2, #3 academic options (heaven knows that all freshmen don't stay in the same major all 4 years... what if you don't?). I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what your friends have to say (they probably don't know any more than you ;-) JK. And by all means TALK ABOUT IT with your family. Walk through different scenarios and be open to new ideas, consider the finances, the climate, the distance from home, consider everything! It's never an easy decision to choose between 2 close schools but your with your choice rest assured you'll get a good education at either of them. You must have done something right to have earned the opportunities.. now believe in yourself. GL</p>

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<p>shellz...why the Chinese?</p>

<p>Pick the one that is farthest away...in location and types of students....Dartmouth. Let a bit of fate play with your midwestern destiny! ;)</p>

<p>Your parents will adjust.</p>

<p>Both schools have a big party culture. You will have to make an effort at both schools to find your non-partying 'people'.</p>

<p>sybbie can help with finding 'people' at Dartmouth.</p>

8

<p>What I hear you saying is that you have more doubts about Dartmouth than Notre Dame, but you are wondering if USNWR and all the people on CC telling you to go to Dartmouth might know something you don't know. </p>

<p>My advice is to trust what your heart is saying to you and don't look at the rankings or what other people say. If you feel more comfortable with the social and political environment at Notre Dame, which is what you seem to be saying, then go there. This is your life, and there comes a point where rankings are meaningless, and I think you've reached that juncture. You are in the honors program at Notre Dame--I find it hard to believe you won't meet other motivated students. I think you are worrying a little too much about the "general concensus" and not enough about what you want.</p>

<p>I guess I don't see this so much in terms of what your parents want versus what you want, but rather what you prefer and the extent to which you're influenced by external factors like ranking and "general consensus."</p>

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<p>I am a parent. I am in a similar situation as your parent. My children also got into several top schools, and watching them making decisions is very hard. Eventually, I will want my children to go to the schools that they will be most happy with. I would want them to research for more facts before they make the decisions. Distance is not a factor to me. I don't need them to be close to home. However, I want them to consider their career goals, and decide which school can best promote their goals after 4 years. In another words, if they are going to become scientists/engineers, do go to a school which is not known for that. Don't go to an Ivy because of its name. Know truely WHY you choose that school beyond the name. Yes, your parents may be disappointed at first if you do not choose the school they secretely wish you to go. However, it will be even more suffering to them if they later see you not happy in the school you go. Trust me, parents ultimately want their children to be happy and truely enjoy the precious 4 years. Besides, it's going to be expensive, you better be happy :-) Good luck in making your decision.</p>

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<p>Thanks so much for the responses, everyone! It's really helpful to get some opinions that are more in-depth than the "go to Dartmouth" or "go to Notre Dame" I seem to be getting everywhere else.</p>

<p>And @ cheers,</p>

<p>"shellz...why the Chinese?"</p>

<ol>
<li><p>I've been studying Chinese since kindergarten and it would be a shame to stop now.</p></li>
<li><p>It is currently the most spoken language on the planet.</p></li>
<li><p>People are really impressed when they find a white person who can speak Chinese. :P</p></li>
<li><p>I really enjoy it. :)</p></li>
</ol>

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<p>If you do not know your emotions, go with logic. Which college appeals you more in numbers? What procentage of independent reaseach, students who go out of country to study, how many majoring in your desired area, how strong they are in other areas that you interested, read their catalogs, which courses more appeal to you, etc</p>

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<p>Relax! With those great choices there is only one wrong decision!</p>

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<p>Does anyone else have any further input?</p>

14

<p>shellzie: I vote for ND</p>

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<p>Any reasons why, jlauer?</p>

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<p>do you envision yourself in Asia at any time int he future? Are you planning a career in Asia?</p>

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<p>Shellzie,</p>

<p>If all things are equal and money is not an issue, then go to the best school for you. Pay no attention to the rankings (because we have our own college confidential college buried somewhere in the cafe. Just as soon as we get some funding it is going to be the number one ranked school in the country any) because just like SAT scores, GPA and the number of AP credits you've taken, it won't matter and no one will care.</p>

<p>Many parents who have been on the board for a few years already know that Dartmouth wasn't my first choice for my daughter (yes I was holding on to visions of amimal house and here is my formal apology for painting them using such borad strokes). I also thought that my kid who has such a love affair with NYC would not be happy in rural NH . She knew that she would be coming back to NYC to live so she wanted a different experience for college. This is the kid who first went to visit with the mind set of what the heck, I've seen all of the others let me see them. She came back and said "this is the place". I chalked it up to her just having a nice weekend out of the city and it will pass.</p>

<p>But now that she is wrapping up her second year, she could not be more happy and I could not be happy for her. She has no regrets and never looked back (there was a brief moment when she went back this term where she was a little sad because there are a lot of her friends away on leave term, but it passed just as soon as she went to dinner with her friends who are still on campus). She has found her niche of really great friends, she has had some great experiences, does community involvement work that communes with her soul, and even pledged a sorority (another thread as I don't want to throw out too many mea culpa's in one thread).</p>

<p>I think you have been doing your research and you already know that you can do a language study abroad in chinese as early as the end of the summer freshman year. </p>

<p>There are also many routes to med school. I also told this to my daughter(who has wanted to go into medicine ever since she was 4 years old), because when you think about it, 8 to 10 courses out of 35 fulfilling your pre-med requirement, then your major, if you think that it is going to "get in the way" of your really exploring other courses, do a post-bac year because med school is not going anywhere. She started out as a potential physics major, took a first year seminar that really inspired her and is now a very happy religion major (go figure).</p>

<p>I will tell you what I told her; visit, talk to other students, sit on on classes, keep an open mind because it is just as important to know what you don't wan't in your college experience as much as it is knowing what you do want. There are going to be some things that are going to be common on any and every college campus in the country and also on every/any campus you will find like minded people. </p>

<p>You are in a good position because there is no wrong choice when you pick the place that is right for you. good luck.</p>

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<p>Why? Because I love ND</p>

<p>But, really, go where your heart takes you since you have a choice.</p>

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<p>a) Either way, you're not going to make a 'mistake.'</p>

<p>b) That your parents are being 'quiet' about their preferences sounds like they are letting you make the decision. Don't try to 'please' them, but it sounds like either way, they will not be dissappointed, even if they do have a 'preference.'</p>

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<p>IMHO, you can set aside considerations of academics ans "prestige". Both ND and Dart will offer you first rate educational opportunities and so called name quality will be insignificant soon after graduation. And you are forunate that the money issue does not factor in your decision.</p>

<p>My advice would be to seriously consider where you can best see yourself spending the next 4 years of your life. Your parents' desires should not be a factor and I commend them for their hands offapproach. I am sure they would be delighted if you were to choose Dartmouth. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>