<p>So, all the apps are in for my only child, but there are hundreds of schools across the country whose application deadlines have not yet passed. Despite painstaking research and attention to this process, I can't quite shake the feeling that there are a whole crop of schools out there that might just be perfect for my kid if only we had discovered them. Perhaps with a couple of all-nighters, maybe she could find and apply to a couple of additional, heretofore undiscovered gems that we had previously overlooked . . . . </p>
<p>I have no intention of communicating these feelings to my daughter or encouraging any such insanity, but I'm wondering if other parents are having or have had similar feelings and if so, how you dealt with them. Did any of your kids decide to apply to a whole new crop of schools at the last minute? Or do you have any other stories about post-application, pre-final-final deadline anxiety?</p>
<p>As with any choice in life, moving forward with one set of possibilities means closing many other possible doors. Graduations, matriculations, the start of a new job, an engagement, a wedding, etc., are all recognized as poignant milestones. But there is something poignant in this moment, too, that deserves some attention -- the moment after all of the applications are in but no decisions are yet made, where there are still possible opportunities that could be pursued but that are being intentionally abandoned. </p>
<p>I don't mean to be melodramatic, but I haven't quite been able to articulate my feelings about this. I realize, in the long run, the selection of a school really isn't all that important. I am serious about that. But this still feels like a significant moment, and I'm just wondering about others' thoughts.</p>
<p>I’m just trying to get my son to apply to ONE school, our local no-name university. Try to be thankful that your child has the talent and ambition to apply to multiple schools, and has an excellent chance of being successful. I’m not trying to be rude, but just reminding you to keep things in perspective. :)</p>
<p>There probably are other schools that would work well for your D. </p>
<p>It’s kind of like getting married. You pick someone, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t ANYONE else that you could be married to and be happy. </p>
<p>If YOU find a college that you think might work for your D, then tell her about it. If she thinks it’s worth applying to, then fine. If not, let it go.</p>
<p>Has your daughter included enough safety schools? If so, she should be fine. Understand your feelings. We did safeties first and then applied to her favorite schools. On New Year’s night she applied to 2 schools she hadn’t decided on. Total colleges ended up being 13 schools with a lot of reaches.</p>
<p>I have similar feelings about this process. My Ds apps went in at the end of September ( 9 schools). Since that time I’ve been searching and reading on line about other colleges thinking that maybe she should continue to apply to a few others. I’m second guessing the selection and wondering if there are other schools out there that may be a better fit or give better merit aid. She refuses to apply to any other schools and says she is done with it all- stress and frustration setting in here. I realize that it’s my issue and perhaps I am living through her. I was caught up in the college process more than she was. Slowly, I’m realizing that it will probably turn out just fine.</p>
<p>I am kind of where you are, except D is happy with all of her apps and all of her offers and says she will not submit one more app. She’s done, but hasn’t chosen her place yet. It is, what it is…she will be happy somewhere, I guess. It’s her life and it’s her choice. I said just yesterday…are you sure you are done? and she said yes, I am done! I even said…such and such is a thought and she said no! Sometimes, you have to realize you’ve done your best, used your education, logic and practical skills and then just say a prayer that the best possible outcome will be placed in her path and let go. I’ve already said that prayer, now I need to let go and let providence prevail.</p>
<p>Nottelling - I feel exactly the same way. I’m sure that perfect school with that perfect price is out there waiting for my son. However DS is done with apps and essays he doesn’t want to apply anywhere else and actually thinks we went over board(19 apps) as it is. He wants to relax and enjoy the rest of his senior year. So as much I would like to try and find that perfect school for him I going to respect his decision. </p>
<p>Actually its sort of strange not having to worry about college deadlines and such…
except now I have to get the tax stuff together…</p>
<p>I know just how you feel. My daughter applied to 13 schools, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I’d only had more time, I would have found the perfect needs-blind DIII not-too-small LAC/small uni that had a great career network and was located in an urban exciting yet friendly town/city in the Northeast/South.</p>
<p>If you really feel strongly, pick one school whose deadline hasn’t passed and suggest to your child that maybe it makes sense to put one more app in.</p>
<p>If you can’t find one, let it go. It will be fine.</p>
<p>Whenever I find slightly irrational thoughts about my own children floating around in my mind, I try to pretend I am my Mother-In-Law. When I first knew her she had 6 kids of her own, and another 3 step kids. For a few years the family had 6 teenagers. </p>
<p>One of her sons recalls his high school guidance counselor asking him if he had signed up for the ACT yet. He hadn’t, and wasn’t sure just what the ACT was or why he should take it. My MIL was working full time, and had a house bursting with teenagers. She was not fretting about whether or not her children had found the perfect school. She didn’t have the time.</p>
<p>Despite my MIL’s lack of direct involvement in the college application process, all nine of her children and step children are college graduates, all are happy, and all are employed. Two are physicians, one has a PhD, two are teachers, one is a professional musician, one is a researcher with NIH. Some of them took their time getting their educations. There were some interruptions, and bumps along the way, but everyone eventually figured it out. </p>
<p>Luckily both of my boys got in early. If not, I would have been right there with you, agonizing over all the missed opportunities. </p>
<p>You could deal with that nagging feeling by suggesting that your D add 1-2 schools with a 1/15 deadline, but the key is they can’t require supplemental essays. She is done and deserves to relax and wait for the good news.</p>
<p>As long as the list of schools applied to was balanced (enough safety options) sit back and relax and realize that the way you feel is the emotional result of being on a long journey towards something that is not completely within your control.</p>
<p>Parents can feel this last minute panic and students do too - I believe this is how we end up with one kid sending out 20+ applications, there will always be ‘one more’ to which you or your child has not applied. </p>
<p>There comes a time to rest, to let it go and simply wait. That’s where you are now, find a new focus. If you can’t disengage from the college thing, start shopping for dorm supplies like sheets and comforters. Or refocus on yourself - read a good book that has nothing to do with the college search, or indulge in one of your hobbies, you will have more time for this sort of thing from now on.</p>
<p>My D actually dropped two schools from her list near the end of her applications (she has 7 apps in, and 1 she is still working on the essays). She had 10 on her list. She dropped one after getting into an EA school that she knew she would prefer. The other she dropped after some discussion with me. It is a school that I don’t think is a good fit, and I would not be happy to pay for (it is a full tuition school with no merit aid, and I thought it would exacerbate some of her worst tendancies – and she actually agreed with that). That said, I did do a run through of Fiske about a month ago just to make sure there isn’t something that we missed and should discuss. Didn’t see any, though. :)</p>
<p>I already know she is going to have a heck of a time deciding between the acceptances she is likely to have in hand. More acceptances would NOT make this easier. I say you should have confidence in your D’s list. If you can’t get your mind off it, focus in on how to decide between the choices she may have.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to make it worse, but I found one last school on CC after Jan 1 that I thought would be perfect, and that is where he ended up. </p>
<p>It might help if I also add, one in a half years into it, and he’s thinking he might have been better off at one of the earlier ones ( about 15!!)</p>
<p>If you review the reasons you and your child picked those schools you might feel better that they were solid choices. For my son, various perimeters stuck out that helped whittle down the list, things like distance from home and size. </p>
<p>Yes there were schools outside those perimeters that I would have liked him to consider but for him, he felt he had a good group to choose from. In the end he picked the top academic choice he was accepted to and is very happy there. If your child is satisfied with their list after all the research you sound like you did, then you should be too.</p>
<p>colorado mom is right… those of us with kids in college already have “been there, done that”. any irrational fear you may have, we had too… but it all works out in the end, …but just to make it interesting it starts all over again when grad school is looming LOL</p>
<p>Grad school? No worries here. We were at lunch with friends and DS and mentioned that we are not really concerned about his grad school expenses… he’s on his own dime and/or loans for that. (He elec/com engineer . He will likely get a job or find a grad research opportunity.) </p>
<p>Study abroad is my worry now. There may be extra money involved, and I will want to be darned sure he picks a place where credits will transfer.</p>
<p>My parents are living that as I’m going through the stress of grad school applications. But the undergraduate process wasn’t nearly as painful on their side, as I knew what I wanted and where I wanted to do so, as well as knowing that both schools that offered what I wanted close to home were safeties so I couldn’t go wrong with either one.</p>
<p>There ARE undoubtedly a crop of schools out there which would be a good fit. But I’m going to assume that her list is also made up of schools which would be a good fit, plus a safety or two. If that’s the case, you done good and she done good, and you’re safe in letting it go.</p>
<p>Here’s the thing: It’s easy to think that “perfect” or “almost perfect” are out there, just out of our reach. But you’re wise enough to know that there’s no such thing as a perfect match. Not between spouses, not between friends. There are no perfect jobs. And there are no perfect colleges. You decide what’s important to you, and what doesn’t matter much, and then you find a person, job, or college which fits that picture. “The grass is greener” is the prescription for never being happy with what you’ve got. She’s done well in school and in her application process, and you’ve been a good supportive helpful parent. It’s time for both of you to rest on your laurels. </p>
<p>Or, as my dad wisely puts it, “Don’t let the best be the enemy of the good.” Implicit in that is “the best” probably is no better than “the good.” Different, maybe, but in the end, probably not better.</p>
<p>nottelling, I think I may feel that way too next year at this time. Like yours, my daughter is my only child, and I know that her getting her college applications in will be a giant step toward the empty nest. Not looking forward to that!</p>