Hanna - that is so bizarre, but thanks for the laugh!
I do think that some people ask questions and they don’t know that what they’re asking is rude or too personal. You know, they mean well, but just don’t get it…
On one of our tours, our guide talked about how she did work study, but we happened to be walking by the office that gets students jobs on campus and she volunteered that info about herself…
I have heard parents on tours sometimes ask personal questions, but they always say “If you don’t mind me asking or if you feel comfortable answering.” Which is ok, I guess. Most of the time I haven’t heard parents ask rude or too personal questions. At the beginning of each tour our tour guides have usually told us their major, where they’re from, and what year they are…sometimes they might share more personal info, but it’s usually because it’s relevant to the tour in some way, not because a parent asked a question…
“You see it all on tours. This is one reason why I like to be mixed in with families rather than get a private tour (which some schools offer when they learn I’m a counselor). Waiting on the admissions office porch a couple of years ago, I saw a mom tell her 17-year-old daughter to come and sit on her lap. The daughter was easily 50 pounds bigger than mom, who wasn’t tiny, but she obediently went and perched on mom’s knees till the tour started. It was…memorable.”
Google Keifer Sutherland Walk of Fame ceremony and you’ll see the 45 year old actor on his daddy’s lap.
Sometimes multi-campus counselor tours have very strict rules about what we can ask. For example, if a student says they are part of the Greek system, we cannot ask which organization.
I have been embarrassed by a couple of fellow counselors on these trips, but never for asking questions that were against the rules. Usually it’s because a supposed professional asks a question so basic that it would get an eyeroll on CC. The worst offender was a school counselor from NYC who challenged a freshman fashion major on a panel about the Midwestern college town: “How can you do good internships?” The student talked about internships over the summer, and my colleague said, “Well, at FIT, they can work at Calvin Klein all year! How can you compete with that?” The student was graceful about it, but I wanted to strangle the guy. Most colleges are not the best in the world at any field. You’d have to be a real jerk to throw that in the face of the staff…to say it to a student is pure unprintable.
Toured Texas Christian University with my son a few years ago. There was a woman - don’t know if she was a counselor or teacher or what - who had travelled a long way with 3 kids from a religious high school. Apparently she didn’t look at TCU’s website or know much other than “Christian” was in the name. She asked (demanded, really) a lot of questions in the info session regarding religion.
Of course, they were in our tour group. When our guide (who was great) made some mention of football and tailgating, this women went berserk. She started yelling about how offensive it was to allude to parties or drinking, and really got in the tour guide’s face. He handled it well by asking her to respect his personal space. Needless to say she and the kids didn’t end the tour …
A few parents respectfully told her that this was a traditional college with Division 1 sports, Greek life, etc. The kids had no reaction to any of this, but I could’t help but wonder how they had completely missed the mark on TCU!
Not all Christians are the same- that lady surely had no idea about any outside her narrow world. Wow, just wow.
@wis75 Right? There are many colleges that should fit her students’ needs. I’m vaguely familiar with the high school she represented - it’s in suburban Philly. It seemed crazy that she didn’t do just a little research before hauling these kids to Texas. Even crazier that she was so confrontational!
Again, wow. Took such a long trip without doing more easy research? Would have pegged her for a outside the big city Texan who made assumptions based on figuring that Texas Christians were like her. Different levels of naivite. I still remember being told there was a Catholic church in a Bible Belt city I interviewed in for residency- what do you mean??? Had not told my religion, but my name was associated with that, as was the interviewer’s. btw- that particular specialty’s program was off my list for other reasons.
@wis75 I think that it’s less naivite than entitlement coupled with ignorance. That mother thinks that reality should conform to her expectations. A naive woman may have expressed surprise and horror that a “Christian” university would have drinking, but would not have attacked the tour guide. Basically, her attitude was “how DARE you behave differently than I have decided that you should behave?!”.
Don’t these religious high schools have lists of appropriate colleges/universities for their kids? I find it strange that the woman wouldn’t have spoken with her pastor or with the school counselor about what schools are the “Right” type pf Christian. I have a sneaking suspicion that the woman may have known what the school was like, but was looking for a confrontation.
Or she could have been that clueless and entitled.
Perhaps the kids secretly wanted a college that was not like their chaperone or high school…
As a tour guide at my school I’m not surprised. I’ve been asked a whole range of pretty silly questions. Usually the parents eventually accept the response we are trained to give.
Our daughter was a tour guide and there were several instances of she being asked really inappropriate personal questions.
Much of that had to do with the pressure these parents felt to attempt to provide every advantage to their child that they could.
Not excusable in any way, understandable and a bit sad though.
My wife and I probably went on three or four tours our daughter had led in her time at school. We would be visiting her while she had tour commitments and we would want to see her in action. Really just an excuse for us to spend more time with her.
The guide could say “Oh, my own situation is not typical at all.” If they still persisted, then say the most outrageous lie you can think of, like, “Lady GaGa is my cousin.” The personal questions will then be about her, which can all be deflected with a laugh.
I recall that, when working at a music festival as a high school and college student, the most obnoxious and entitled type A men could be made to stop pushing (not personal questions, rather early admission or access to restricted areas) by referring to either “the insurers” or “fire safety”. Everyone would just start nodding sagely, it was amazing. “Bomb safety squad” was also a good one (there actually was this cop who would run their incredibly cute sniffer dog around the venue before every concert. We loved it. Oh happier times). No one wanted to interfere with bomb safety!
I’d think that with personal questions, a reference to strict data protection laws the college/admissions/FA office must follow, which prohibit discussing individual cases, even their own, might do the trick. Many parents will not respect a student’s boundaries when told to humorously, sarcastically or even aggressively, but they can’t argue with a faceless law.
This has been an interesting thread to read. It is quite shameful how some people do behave, and don’t understand boundaries.
Talking to other parents/families before/during/after tours, and also talking to friendly students on campus (like a quick question in a coffee shop, or when students hanging around). All very light hearted/superficial. Also attended larger invitational events that were enlightening.
However some students/families are quite stressed with the transition to college, for a variety of reasons. Personally didn’t run into any of the situations identified.
Certainly some don’t understand the current paradigm - that is what makes CC very helpful to those that seek out info with many sources available. Also some don’t understand that year to year colleges can and will change entrance and financial/scholarship decisions. Some parents and students do have general and specifics figured out well before application time. Many take tours late, learn info late,.are packing everything in over a short period of time so of course they feel the pressure. Many people haven’t saved any for retirement, let alone for their students’ college.
Maybe she could say what aid someone may or may not get is dependent on their individual circumstances, butt there are two kinds of financial aid: One is dependent on your family’s finances and one is merit-based. To find out if you would be eligible for need-based aid, run the Net Price Calculator on the college website. For merit based aid, often students have above a 1300 (or whatever) to receive that.
She could ask “Well, how much do you make? I can probably give you a good guess as to what you can expect if you tell me how much you make and how much is in your bank account.”
Just kidding.