<p>I've been largely independent in the college application process. My parents take only a passing interest, except for when my dad decides that he should involve himself and then barks at me to list off the schools I'm applying to.</p>
<p>I applied to my top choice EA and got deferred, but before I applied I let him read my essays. My Common App one is about growing up as a Muslim in a liberal society and how that cultural interaction has benefited me/shaped me and how it saddens me that in France and many other European nations, Islam and the rest of society are very much separate and so Muslim kids in particular lose out on that cultural interaction. </p>
<p>So he read that essay sometime in October before I applied. Today, TODAY, with all the applications due TOMORROW, he tells me that he didn't like it at all and that he thinks it's inappropriate. I'm pretty sure he thinks that anything to do with religion and especially Islam is taboo, even though the essay is far from "I'm Muslim and proud!" Other people have read it and liked it, but I almost want to say "why would you tell me NOW of all times?"</p>
<p>So I guess the question to all you parents is, how active are you in this process? Do you actually go over essays with your child? If there's something you personally don't like, at what point do you step back and let them make their own mistakes (considering the stakes involved)?</p>
<p>I read my kids' essays. I helped with some grammar and punctuation issues...but the essays were theirs. To be honest, my son's essay was outstanding and I had very little to say about the content of it. I loved it. My daughter's first essay was also outstanding...but her English teacher advised her to only use a small moment of that essay in her final college essay. THAT edition of her essay was AWFUL...I think the teacher missed the boat and I told DD that. The edited essay was incomplete...told part of a great story, but not all of it. I BOLDLY suggested to DD that she use her originally written essay and say NOTHING to the English teacher about this. DD was justifiably concerned so I had her send the essays to several friends to critique. They all agreed with my assessment. The original essay went with the applications and got plenty of nice comments from adcoms on her admission letter. </p>
<p>Re: topic...both of my kids talked about personal experiences that showed their qualities well. If either of them had chosen something "off color" I would have mentioned it...but I didn't really have veto power. As you noted....the kid submits the ap and the essay...and the parents don't. </p>
<p>The biggest question is Do YOU feel good about that essay? Is it your voice speaking? Does it tell about you as a person (not religious...just as a person)? If you have doubts....have someone else look at it. If not...that's that.</p>
<p>I agree with thumper -- if you feel good about your essay and it communicates some of your "wonderfulness" then you've done well. (Of course I tend to set the bar fairly low. One of my D's friends wrote her essay about how she was like a vegetable plate. Ugh.)</p>
<p>I did read my D's essay for grammar issues, and I did insist she remove one particularly pejorative reference. But the application essay is really the first truly independent personal statement. I think your Dad is simply reacting to your getting wait listed at the EA school.</p>
<p>This is a post from the Stanford board, by an admitted student. They asked adcoms at their admit weekend on what they look for and what are the turnoffs.</p>
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Second, we asked him what the biggest turn off in an application would be. He said if he ever read any essay that seemed closed minded or bigoted in any way he just threw it out. I know this seems like common sense, but I've read essays where this came across completely unintentionally. I had a friend that was an Irish step dancer write about how much she loved being Irish, but it came across as though she thought Irish people were better than everyone else. Luckily we fixed it before she sent it off and she got into her dream school. The admissions officer's example was if someone was a Democrat and in their roommate essay made it clear that they wouldn't want a Republican roommate because they care so much about Democratic values that they couldn't live in the same room. I'm sure that student was trying to show passion, but also ended up sounding like he was not tolerant of Republicans. Basically, have someone read your essay before you send it off so you don't have any unintended meaning in your essay that you don't want.
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<p>Your dad may be getting cold feet, but it wouldn't hurt to have few more people read your essay to make sure you are not conveying unintended message.</p>
<p>I think your dad is second guessing and I might suggest you say, I think I might make a few edits, but I think it says what I want it to. What we, as parents, need to remember is that we are not 18. My son is a good writer, but I do offer grammar and some editing (either to cut it down by pointing out the repetition or I might suggest some changes in the order of some sentences). Usually what happens is he makes some corrections (grammar maybe), ignores other things completely and then goes on to make other changes/edits I never considered. His EA common app essay was good, but he took another look last week and reworked some of it and it is much better even though I thought it was originally very good.</p>
<p>My D (now a college freshman) and I, as well as her father talked a lot about the essays. Topic, some of the content, etc. Basically the brainstorming piece early on. She started the essays around Aug-Sept of her senior yr in high school. Since she started so early, there was plenty of time for discussion, tossing around ideas, etc. We knew what her essays were going to cover. As for the writing, I did proofread and offer some grammar and style advice near the end of the process. Throughout the process, she made it clear when she wanted input and when she didn't. </p>
<p>At this point in time, I think you have to go with what you've got. It sounds like your topic and how you dealt with it are solid and give a good perspective as to the person you are.</p>
<p>oldfort: That's really interesting. I don't think my essay is particularly RAH RAH for any one group. I even say that I am not unwavering in my faith, but as part of my upbringing it has shaped who I am. If anything, the biggest point of contention might be the divide between North America and Europe, although I think that there are very real and serious differences in immigration and attitudes towards immigrants between the two geographic areas.</p>
<p>My H and I would make suggestions about what S's essay could be about. We also reminded him that the essays needed to be in his voice about something he was passionate about. I do not know how much time S thought about these essays, but he started them 1 week before ED deadline and finished them 3 days later, so common app was sent 4 days before deadline. That was my suggestion as internet or electricity could go out. I expected I might find some punctuation or grammer mistakes, but found none. H and I were very pleased at the caliber of the essays and felt that S had expressed his interests and passions well.</p>
<p>My parents never read any of my essays... I have a weird thing about people I know reading my writing. But I did have a few people here on CC read it and make comments/edits. I loved my final essays, and I even got a comment on it with my Gtown acceptance.</p>
<p>My parents never read any of my essays... I have a weird thing about people I know reading my writing. But I did have a few people here on CC read it and make comments/edits. I loved my final essays, and I even got a comment on it with my Gtown acceptance.</p>
<p>Funny I should read this thread tonight... the last three days at our house have been an essay writing marathon for my son and his best friend. They both already have early acceptances (EA, non-binding) so some of the pressure is off.</p>
<p>The result has been a mostly joyful, not-that-stressful time of work. My involvement has been mostly as cheerleader (and cook) although I have also been a proofreader and occassional brainstorm-partner.</p>
<p>As a parent you read the essays. You suggest ideas for topics if the student is stuck (but they need to develop the topic and make it their own). You help edit, point out problems with grammar/puntuation/spelling. If my child had an essay topic (or a statement in the essay) I thought wasn't appropriate or might hurt her in the admissions process, I would most definitely make my opinion known (immediately, not right before it needed to be sent), and if my child didn't agree, I would ask her to have another adult (or multiple adults) read it as well. But ultimately it's the student's essay and the parent needs to just make his or her thoughts known and then step back.</p>
<p>I proof read stuff in the beginning, but the essay for better or worse was D's. In the end it seem to work out since she got into her first choice an all but two others.</p>