<p>I have a problem with my parents. They are not supporting my college choices. I am currently a senior in HS and starting the application process. Right now, I have two schools in mind that are my top choices. School A is closer to home, and it is where a few of my relatives have been for grad school. School B is on the other side of the country and noone in my family has been there. Right now I am leaning towards applying to B because it is EA instead of A which is ED. I personally am not 100% sure where I want to go so I am anxious to apply ED and lock in.</p>
<p>My mom, more so than my dad, has been trying to dictate where I apply. She has told me that she wants me close to home and that A is her first choice for me, followed by two other very good schools close to home. I am applying to the other two schools she wants me to go to, but I am iffy if I would even be looking at them if they were not close to home. She really does not want me going across the country to school B and has told me a few times.</p>
<p>Then yesterday, my mom tells me that she thinks it is a waste of time and money to apply to B. School B has a lower admit rate than school A and is a tad (not much) more competitive. My mom told me that she doubts i will get into school B and that it would be best to apply to school A ED. This threw me for a loop because I would never suspect that my parent would tell me to not even bother trying to achieve a goal. There are 3 possible outcomes for this application season. 1) I get into A&B 2) I get into one 3) I get into none. Option 2 is the best because then I have no choice and will go to the one school I get into. Option 1 is second best because I get into the places I want to go. However, this may cause tention if I chose to go to school B over A because my mom wants me to be close to home. Option 3 is the worst because then my mom will blame me for not applying to school A ED and getting in. She will say I threw away my best chance at a great undergrad education. </p>
<p>What should I do? Should I apply to school A ED and do what my mom wants me to do. Or should I apply to school B EA and take my chances? I have a better shot at getting into school A, and know I will be very happy there. The only thing is I may be more happy at school B, but really dont know. Is it normal for my mom to say I have no shot at a school and that I shouldnt try?</p>
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I personally am not 100% sure where I want to go so I am anxious to apply ED and lock in.
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<p>conventional wisdom suggests that's NOT a good reason to apply ED; that option is meant to serve people who know exactly where they want to go.</p>
<p>Why not apply RD to a range of schools, including A and B. Then, come spring, you can survey your acceptances and make an informed choice. If you're pretty sure of getting into A with an ED app, applying RD shouldn't make a big difference.</p>
<p>Can I add that RD will be very different from ED because lots of kids from my school apply to school A ED, and spots may be filled. Not as many apply to school B but a bunch do considering it is on the other side of the country. Early and regular may make or break my chances because, though people dont admit it, it does give you an advantage, especially when a college admits a bunch of kids from your school early.</p>
<p>I suspect that the OP intended to say that he was anxious <em>about</em> applying ED and being "locked in," i.e., the prospect made him nervous.</p>
<p>My mom told me that she doubts i will get into school B and that it would be best to apply to school A ED. </p>
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<p>This is not a good plan. No, it's not right for your mom to say you shouldn't apply to your dream school because she thinks you won't get in. (She has every right to say that she won't pay for school B, of course, but that's not the question.) My mom didn't think I'd get into MY dream school, but she never tried to stop me from applying. And she was just trying to protect my feelings from getting hurt, not trying to push me toward a school she liked better.</p>
<p>ED can make a big difference under some circumstances, such as if School A only considers legacy status if you apply ED. But I would hate to see an ambivalent student applying anywhere ED.</p>
<p>So none of you have visited school B? I strongly suggest you visit schools and thoroughly understand the academics and school culture. Don't rely on guidebooks, rankings or rumors. Certainly don't apply EA or ED unless you are very committed and know the school very well. There is certainly nothing wrong with going a long distance to college, but it can be difficult to visit and make an educated selection. Everything considered going closer to home will be much easier.</p>
<p>One strategy to consider: if school B has really caught your fancy, but you can't manage to visit it before you apply, you can plan to visit overnight if you are accepted and you are still interested. </p>
<p>Practical considerations dictated this approach for our son. He had a couple of choices in a region of the country that we just couldn't arrange to visit prior to January. It was a good way to go for him.</p>
<p>edad, if you want to pay for me to visit school B by all means wire me the money. Plane + Hotel is way too much for my parents to pay, and way to much for me to ask them to pay just to see one school</p>
<p>mafool, I am anxious about this whole college thing. as a 17 year old, I really do not know what I want for the next four years, so I do not want to lock into a school, especially since I dont know what I may be missing at the others that I havnt seen, like school B.</p>
<p>Let me clarify this: My chances at school A ED are solid; they are as good as they can be for a very selective school. At school B, my chances are pretty low EA and RD. Also, I cannot apply to both early.</p>
<p>You know, my parents did something like this to me, and I never thought twice about it -- I did what they told me. Well, they never said "You must apply to this school." I came downstairs once in the fall of my senior year and said I had decided to apply to Stanford and UCSC. My dad said, "That's very nice" and left the room. My mother said, "Your father thinks that there's nothing you can get at either of those schools that you couldn't get [on the East Coast] that we're willing to pay for." (Two years later, my sister went to Stanford.)</p>
<p>First off, I don't think you sound like a good candidate for ED anywhere. You do not sound SURE about what school you want to go to!</p>
<p>Secondly, I hate to see kids so focused on TWO schools. What about making a nice, rounded list? Don't believe the myth that there is ONE, and only one, school out there someplace that you will be successful and happy at. Be open minded about it. Maybe it's time to find that third or fourth school that you really like too.</p>
<p>I'd suggest that you give up the idea of ED and spend the next few months trying to visit as many schools as possible.</p>
<p>physhipants88, of course you are "anxious about this whole college thing."</p>
<p>Perhaps you can <em>gently</em> help your mother to understand that ED is intended for students who are absolutely positive they want to attend a given school if they are accepted.</p>
<p>This does not sound like it describes you right now.</p>
<p>Can you, on your own, afford the fees to apply RD to school B? If so, that may be a good option for you: apply to both schools (and some other safeties!) RD, and pay for the reach school's fees yourself. If you get in, and the finances will work, then you and your folks can plan to visit and go from there.</p>
<p>Just a thought: Could your parents be ambivalent about school B due to finances? Ask them out right: getting in may be a moot point if your parents can't afford it.</p>
<p>^ Good thought. I don't want my kids on the west coast, because the airplane tickets run into thousands of dollars a year! I figure, if I'm going to spend that kind of money on travel it will be for my travel - not his! ;)</p>
<p>katllia: "Just a thought: Could your parents be ambivalent about school B due to finances? Ask them out right: getting in may be a moot point if your parents can't afford it."</p>
<p>Katlia may be on to something. My in-laws felt that they could not afford the travel expenses back and forth for T-giving, Xmas, Spring break and Summer when my husband applied to one college that was very far away --- especially since airfares can be much higher at those times of the year. So, my husband went somewhere that could be driven to within one day.</p>
<p>physhipants - I'm not sure I understand the dynamics here. You may like distant school B better than local school A, but you're not sure. You haven't visited distant school B, and you can't afford to visit before applying. Academics at the two schools are similar. Your Mom strongly supports your application at local school A and strongly discourages an application at distant school B. So help me out here -- given the above, why are you willing to fight for distant school B?</p>
<p>physi, I hear “money” all through this dialogue. As katliamom suggested it’s time for you to sit down with your parents and talk dollars and sense, black and white. </p>
<p>First, answer these questions: Will you need financial aid to attend EITHER A or B? If yes, will your family qualify for need based aid? If yes, are you likely to get the same amount at A and B? If no, are you counting on merit aid? Etc.</p>
<p>Your mother’s insistence that you apply ED to A maybe impacted by finance as well. Conventional wisdom is if money is an issue, don’t apply ED because you may get a better offer from another college, but maybe A is a state school with lower tuition than B.</p>
<p>Second, I strongly support Weenie’s suggestion that you not fixate on one school. It sounds like both A and B are reaches and that’s a bad strategy for anyone. </p>
<p>Maybe this whole scenario would make more sense if you could articulate what it is that draws you to B and puts you off about A. </p>
<p>It could just be that B is far, far away, which IS a valid consideration in some cases. It could be difference in size, in environment, in teaching style. Think about what it is that attracts you to B and build a list from there.</p>
<p>In the meantime, good luck in convincing your parents that applying ED to A is not a sound strategy if A is not a good fit for you personally.</p>
<p>I am going to throw something else in the mix besides the finanacial issue. Could your mom be having some difficulty with the idea of you being so far away? I realize when it comes to a chance at a wonderful school and the finances work, these are issues you work out.</p>
<p>I would have a hard time sending my child across the country because the airfare would be very costly for us. I think we may be facing this when our younger D starts to apply. Not sure how we will manage that. </p>
<p>I enjoy reading everyone's comments, they make sense and help a great deal.</p>
<p>The thing about visiting is that it is really hard, mostly for the expenses. Airfare+hotel would be north of $1000, not adding in other expenses and my dad taking off from work for a day to take me. My parents will take me to see the school if i get in, but I understand that they may not want me to visit a school way out of the way if there is a chance that I am either not going to apply or go (which is why i have only seen 3 of the schools I am applying to). </p>
<p>Annother thing is that my parents make too much cash to qualify for any aid anywhere and neither of these schools give merit scholarships. </p>
<p>Also, I love school A (the one closer to home). It was my top choice since I was born. However, since I started this college search stuff a year ago, I really started to like school B. I would love to attend school A, but I want to know what I may be missing at school B before I lock in, if I lock in.</p>
<p>My mom is a bit anxious about me going far for college. I guess this stems from me being child #1. More jokingly than serious, she has said her top three choices for schools for me to go to are the three best schools within 3 hours of where I live (school A being one of them). Also, all the schools I am applying to aside from school B are within driving distance of my house (like 2-8 hour drive, but driving none the less). School B is the only college I want to go to that is on the other side of the country because I feel it is the only one that can justify going so far away from home. </p>
<p>I guess that I started this thread to see if my mom's demands for colleges being close to home was the norm for parents, and if parents had ever discouraged kids from applying to pretty big reaches. </p>
<p>All the advice on this thread is great, tho not all applies to me and thanks to all the people who replied.</p>