<p>Hi,
I'm not a parent, but I guess I just wanted a few opinions. I'm only a junior so I still have a lot of time to think of potential colleges. My mom and I were discussing this, and she was appalled when I told her I was thinking of Vanderbilt and Emory. She basically refused to let me apply there. She told me she didn't want me leaving PA, and preferably to stay as close to home as possible leaving Drexel, Temple, Villanova, and UPenn as my only choices.</p>
<p>Were you concerned when your kids left home? Did they convince you?</p>
<p>No, I was not concerned when my kids left home. If your mom insists you stay close, there are a lot more colleges in the Philadelphia area than those 4 you mentioned. Maybe she would let you go a little farther in PA - there are a lot more places not too much farther. I would give her some time to get used to the idea.</p>
<p>I’m having the same problem also, although my parents haven’t refused to let me go out of state. They are not happy that I’m looking at far away colleges though!</p>
<p>I’ve started to convince them that some out of state colleges are good fits for me by going on college visits with them. They were completely against me applying for Rhodes until we went and they saw that Memphis isn’t full of evil villians :D</p>
<p>I think it’s really important to show your parents that you are maturing beyond their expectations - keeping your room, helping around the house, keeping to curfews, letting them know where you are and what you are doing, doing well in school. As they see you being more of a young adult, they will be more likely to give you more rope. In the meantime, you are a junior, so I would let it rest for now :)</p>
<p>You say both that your parents don’t want it and that your mother doesn’t. Which is it? If it’s just your mother, talk to your father, too.
More importantly, what reasons are given. If they include cost, that’s a legitimate concern. If they are only because your mother and/or father don’t like the idea of their baby being far away, that’s another thing.</p>
<p>I’m not one to think kids have to stay close to home. Let them spread their wings! But not all feel this way. Does your mom want you to live at home? Will she let you go X far from home? You’ve got time but maybe if you started by approaching her and finding out how far is far. Is 2 hours from home close enough? Draw a 100 mile circle on a map - there are LOTS and LOTS of great schools in the NY/NJ/PA/DE/DC area that might fit the bill for both of you.</p>
<p>From your stories it isn’t clear to me if this is a “stay-close” preference or an “anti-south” prejudice. You might want to probe that further. It is possible that a visit can resolve the latter. Your race/ethnicity is not clear from your posts but African-American parents, in particular, might also have not-distant history in mind when thinking about living in Atlanta and Nashville.</p>
<p>1) Is it because of the additional costs? That can be a valid concern. Going OOS can cost a family a few thousand dollars more in airfare, shuttles, etc…especially if they plan on coming to help with move-in/move-out. </p>
<p>2) Is it because you still have a lot of “growing up” to do? If so, then show them NOW that you can live on your own in a responsible manner…do your own laundry, get to bed and wake up ontime without being told, do extra chores (without being asked!), do your own chores without being reminded, clean up after yourself (don’t leave empty soda cans and dirty dishes around), respect family rules/curfews, don’t waste money, etc.</p>
<p>Your mom may think that the extra expense (and yes, it does get expensive) of bringing you home for T-giving, Xmas, spring break and summer is silly given the large number of schools in your home state. I have lots of family in California, and the expense/hassle of travel was a big reason why they discouraged their kids from leaving the state: there were plenty of schools to choose from instate.</p>
<p>It sounds as though you live near Philadelphia.</p>
<p>I’m curious about why your mother would want to limit you to Pennsylvania colleges. There are colleges in nearby states that are actually closer to your home than colleges in the western part of Pennsylvania. And many of them are remarkably easy to travel to by Amtrak. It’s no more trouble to travel to Washington, DC than it is to go to Pittsburgh – maybe less.</p>
<p>You might want to talk to your parents about their reasons for wanting to limit your choices. They may be financial. Perhaps they can afford to pay for state colleges within Pennsylvania but not out-of-state colleges. If this is the case, you might be able to apply to colleges out of state but with the understanding that you can’t actually go there unless you get enough financial aid (or merit scholarship money) to bring the cost down to that of a Pennsylvania state school.</p>
<p>If your parents’ reasons for wanting you to stay in-state are not financial, but are more connected with wanting to have you within easy reach, you might want to ask whether they would let you consider colleges that are relatively nearby and easy to travel to but not in Pennsylvania. This could give you access to colleges in New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, the southern parts of New York State, and Washington, DC – and that’s a lot of colleges!</p>
<p>mom2collegekids , you need a lesson in weather and geography! vanderbilt(nashville) is may likely be hit with major flooding from issac if it stays on its current path!
I love nashville/vanderbilt but it is not immune to effects of tropical storms and they have tornadoes in the area!</p>
<p>We’re in California and my daughter left for NY! Not knowing a soul!!! I had no problem with that at all, but for some reason, my sister (dd’s aunt) had a major problem with it. </p>
<p>I told my sister that DD would be right back. Auntie had to deal with her own issues for her two sons: One left to Hawaii (we have family there) supposedly to study, and came right back after he ran out of money because he trashed his new truck, and Mom stopped paying rent. Second son stayed in town and was always at his university.</p>
<p>My daughter called and skyped more often than when she was at home! Also, because dd didn’t know anyone, she learned really fast how to get around in a new town initially without transportation, how to make friends, and how to survive on her own. The family, at xmas, immediately noted the maturity and changes in her. </p>
<p>Your mother may not be ready to let you go yet like my sister. It’s an issue for your mother so you need to show her how to skype-if she doesn’t know how- and to reassure her about why you need to follow your goals. Maybe your hs counselor or a trusted friend/relative can talk to your family?</p>
<p>I think the question you need to ask yourself is - Will emory/vanderbilt be a fit for you? The last thing you want to do is to even apply to colleges and find that is not a fit. What does those schools have that a school (in your 200 mile radius) would not. It is not a question of as much as your mom letting you go, as opposed to what is that going to offer you? I am sure if it is a good fit financially and academically, you may be able to convince your parents. Again, as a parent, they also know your personality and may have some clue on whether you would fit in etc. Remember far off colleges add in more costs and you will only be able to visit 1-2 times a year. Read this <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1381588-advice-helping-homesickness.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1381588-advice-helping-homesickness.html</a>
I would also urge you to explore all colleges in your 200 mile radius and you may find something that fits you better and that may be a good compromise. Believe me, it is nice to be driving distance. There are plenty of students I know who would love to visit for a 3 day weekend, thanksgiving etc.</p>
<p>I think people often underestimate travel costs if plane travel is often needed. When my son went to grad school several states away, we hadn’t really “done the math” about how much travel would cost. We’re not complaining (at all) because he has a full assistantship/stipend which pays for tuition, housing, etc…but for those who are paying for college, adding in travel costs can really add up.</p>
<p>When we moved our son into his grad school apt, the whole family went (I know, my other son didn’t need to go, but he was a big help with moving stuff into the student’s apt.). The cost for four people to travel for move-in, stay in hotels, rent a car, restaurants, etc was quite high. Even if only the student and one parent went, many of those costs would have still incurred. Then my son flew home 3 times during the school year, and then again at the end of Spring semester. Each trip incurred the cost of shuttles to and from the airport plus the airfare (high at holiday times). The cost of “to and from” shuttles can add another $100-200 per trip, depending how far the school is to the airport. </p>
<p>When I look at COAs and far too often the estimate for travel is way too low. Seems to often only estimate if the student is traveling from instate by car twice a year or one plane trip.</p>
<p>*mom2collegekids , you need a lesson in weather and geography! vanderbilt(nashville) is may likely be hit with major flooding from issac if it stays on its current path!
I love nashville/vanderbilt but it is not immune to effects of tropical storms and they have tornadoes in the area!
*</p>
<p>lol…since I live an hour south of Vandy, I don’t really need such a lesson. The effects of Isaac would hit me first. There should not be such a level of fear of attending school here. There are few areas/colleges in this country that are totally risk-free of any kind of weather hazard.</p>
I moved around with the Air Force for 20+ years. You realize after a while that you just move to a different kind of disaster zone. California earthquakes, Oklahoma Tornados, Louisiana Hurricanes, midwest ice storms… I’ve been through them all.</p>