<p>One factor at play in our “modern times” is that there are A LOT of treatments that are available and used for folks when they would have died much younger in prior generations, Things like joint replacements, super-drugs that can cause cancer and infections to go into remission, screws & rods that can help with poorly healing bones. All of these things can make it SEEM like folks are going to keep going strong for a very long time, leaving us stunned when our loved one dies when we’re not expecting it.</p>
<p>Sorry for everyone who is going through all of this with loved ones. It IS hard–very tough, even if intellectually we know that everything is born and dies.</p>
<p>Mary13 - hugs to you! After a certain age, any hospital admission seems to age the patient greatly - particularly men. You will be on my mind - as will all my “sisters” on this thread and I hope that you are at peace with any and all decisions you make.</p>
<p>It’s so tough to see a decline. These insults to an elder’s system seem to be cumulative, with getting back to baseline harder each time. If they do bounce back, it is a pleasant surprise that can leave you unprepared for the next downturn. Our elders are in their late 80’s now and while we realize that any day things could change abruptly, it is always painful when it does. Best to all who are navigating a crisis now. It can be overwhelming.</p>
<p>My dad is home now and slipping away fast, which I know in my head is a good thing, but my heart hasn’t quite caught up yet. The end stages are very hard to watch, even when they come without pain.</p>
<p>So sorry for you Mary13. It was painful for us as well, to watch my SIL who had been so full of life slip away. She had led a full and active life but the last 6 months and especially the last week were painful to watch. She was tired of the decline and ready to transition when she asked for morphine to be administered so she could breathe more easily. We are glad her passing was peaceful but still shocked that she left us all.</p>
<p>Be kind to yourself and try to surround yourself with supportive folks.</p>
<p>Mary13: my dad died last month. His dementia/Alzheimers started spiraling downhill in September. My mother was still caring for him, but when he called 911 twice in a week for ficticious fires, she had to say enough. She is 88. He was physically fine: no meds, mobile. I moved him into dementia care near me and 10 days later he was dead.</p>
<p>He descended fast into severe dementia, became violent, injections needed to sedate, got pneumonia, moved to hospice. Every day things got worse.</p>
<p>However, he did not want to be kept alive and we honored his wishes. I have no regrets, though I went through the wringer those last 2 months.</p>
<p>Take care of yourself and have some moments of normalcy.</p>
<p>My dad passed away last night, at home. The family was with him, he was aware of our presence, and it was peaceful. Thank you all for your kind words and prayers.</p>
<p>Mary, warm thoughts to you at this sad time. Your dad was so fortunate to have all of you, his loved ones surrounding him and easing his death. Great that you have one another to remember the happy times and plan any memorial. Memorials can be therapeutic as well. Please be kind to yourself and your loved ones.</p>
<p>Mary13- Very sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in knowing you were there for him through it all. I get the issue of head and heart when it comes to these situations, especially when things move so fast.</p>
<p>Dentmom4- When I posted previously I just opened this thread to see how things were with Mary13. I didn’t even read your post. I was so sad to read your post when I re-read this thread tonight. </p>
<p>How is your mom doing? It must be so difficult for her as well as for you. </p>
<p>I get a chill when people describe a parent suffering with dementia. I have watched my mom change ever so gradually and I just don’t know how long she will be at this level of functioning or when the process will speed up. </p>
<p>I was just at the cardiologist’s office with her last week and when he checked her pacemaker he said she would probably need it replaced in the next 12-15 months. I wondered to myself if that made sense. I didn’t say anything, and for now I am just going to put it out of my mind. When the time comes, I have no way of knowing what she will be like in a year and so there is no sense in trying to figure it all out.</p>
<p>Mary, Dentmom, my prayers for your loss. May you draw strength and love from those who surround you. Worknprogress, you will know the right decision at the right moment. My 95 yr. old aunt just signed the DNR order this week, it was very emotional for all of us. I spent the last 6 weeks cleaning her house and getting it ready for her to come home. I hope that she has some time to enjoy being home. My mom has Alzheimer’s and thinks that I am her 98 yr. old sister. Most of the time she is pleasantly confused, but lately there are more and more times that she is terrified. She roams the house at night, opens windows and yells for help. We have alarms on the doors, take the knobs off the stove and unplug the phone, (she was calling the operator and telling her that she was either kidnapped or left alone). It is heartbreaking. Her live in aide for the past 2 1/2 years is a saint and is the reason my mother is still alive. My brother only visits about once a month because he “can’t handle seeing Mom this way”. So, I make all arrangements, MD visits, medicine orders, financial decisions and bill payments for them. My son helps with the finances for my mother and is so kind and patient with her, I don’t know what I would do without him. I am tired physically and emotionally and have had recent health issues. Now, my mother-in-law needs increasing help and is unwilling to compromise. Her daughter in Utah doesn’t “get it” and my husband is left to do the heavy lifting. Thanks everyone for listening, those of us that are caretakers “get it” and my prayers are with all of you for your own strength and health.</p>