<p>I’m so sorry for your loss Oldmom. No matter how old we are, it doesn’t become any easier to lose a Dad. I’m glad you could be with him. </p>
<p>oldmom, hugs and I am sorry for your loss. You did well there.</p>
<p>Oldmom, I’m so sorry. Sending you a cyber hug ((((()))))</p>
<p>Oldmom - I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s never easy under any circumstance.</p>
<p>Today I had the worst blow up with my mom I’ve ever had with anyone in my life. I ended up crying off and on for a few hours and had to run a meeting at work with a bunch of guys with red eyes. I can’t even type what she said - I called my sister crying who promptly turned around and called mom and yelled at her what the hell was she doing? She even called me the “nicest” sister…awww…and she got to tell her a lot of the frustration we all feel dealing with this situation. Mom called later to apologize, but ugh…things are not going well.</p>
<p>eyemamom, I am so sorry. It is hard not to take it personally when you are trying to do for your mom what needs to be done and she attacks. Trust me, I know about that! </p>
<p>Just letting everyone know that the thread has not been deleted, but the powers that be are still looking for it. I know this is a disappointment, but hopefully it will be found soon. Glad you can utilize this one in the meantime.</p>
<p>Thanks, teriwtt.</p>
<p>Eyemamom- I feel badly for you. How aggravating and somehow, no one can eviscerate more than someone we care for and love. Sometimes I’ve wonder where I can steal a thicker skin and a huge dose of patience!</p>
<p>Teriwtt, surely these folks backup the system daily (or close to it)! As I’m sure you know, that thread is a real support, not just emotionally, but logistically. Lots of folks have provided helpful advice and resources.</p>
<p>@CountingDown, while I’m not sure what kind of backup system the new vendor uses, we have been told that nothing is permanently deleted, so it has to be somewhere. And although I’ve never really participated much on the thread, it is obvious that it is one of the most popular in the Cafe, so it would behoove them to find it quickly. I would hope when it is found, the two threads can be merged so there is a minimal of continuity disruption.</p>
<p>eyeamom, might your mom have some kind of cognitive issue that might make her say such hurtful things?</p>
<p>Teriwtt, I hope they can merge the two. That thread is, among other things, a place for our parents’ passing to be memorialized. I’d really hate for oldmom’s loss to be missing from the permanent record, as it were. </p>
<p>I am so sorry for you loss Oldmom. </p>
<p>Thank you all. I was glad to be able to carry out what he wanted. He was ready except that he wanted to live longer than his wife. But you can’t always get what you want, right? And it was good to reassure him that her son is apparently doing the right thing.</p>
<p>Tears in my eyes as I read about your loss, Oldmom, Be kind to yourself as you move through the grieving process. Your posts reminded me of my dad’s last moments which were not pretty or easy. But he was there for my birth, and I for his passing…full circle kind of moment. Hugs and peace…</p>
<p>oldmom4896 – My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. (((HUGS)))</p>
<p>eyemamom – (((HUGS))) to you. I am so sorry. </p>
<p>I have been lurking here (on the first thread) and have appreciated all the good advice and the positive thoughts you all share. </p>
<p>I’m sorry, oldmom and eyemamon, that you’re both having such tough times now. Please be kind to yourselves. You know you are doing the best you can. Take care!</p>
<p>Sorry for you loss oldmom. It sounds like you are the picture for the sandwich generation. </p>
<p>Eyeamom - I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard such a story from friends about “words” flying between them. Please know that your mom is lashing out at you because you are the one who cares. </p>
<p>So sorry for your loss oldmom.</p>
<p>A bit of an update about the “Parents caring for parents support thread”. I was the OP for that thread awhile back. A couple days ago I was mistakenly banned and when I was banned all my posts were deleted …and it appears if I was the OP on any thread the whole thread disappeared along with my OP post. The moderators are working to restore my posts which will also bring back the “Parents caring for parents support thread”.</p>
<p>oldmom- So sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself.</p>
<p>eyemamom- I know it’s hard to ignore hurtful things our parents say. I feel for your situation. It’s nice that your sister supported you.</p>
<p>3togo - Thanks for the explanation of what happened to the thread.</p>
<p>Two of my daughters happened to email their grandparents in the past week, both of them sent nice chatty messages, one sent a photo, etc. Very nice. Each of them received a grumpy whining, why don’t you call/email more often, why do I hear from your Mom instead of you email back. Both of them rolled their eyes. The DD who used to call every week said it reminded her of that, she caught a grumpy response every single week so she stopped calling.</p>
<p>I don’t know why people do this. He does not understand the benefit of using the carrot v the stick. And no, it’s not just being older, he was this self-focused and this grumpy 30-40 years ago ;)</p>