<p>Eyeamom- So happy for you. A well deserved bit of assistance. </p>
<p>Glad your brother stepped up to the plate. At least you can go home with some peace of mind.</p>
<p>Well all good plans, or whatever that phrase is… I had everything lined up - got approved on the new lease, found a care company, etc. I talked to her a little bit ago, she’s still not feeling well and is still in the hospital and she told me she needed to do some soul searching. I don’t know if she’s worried about the money of this place, she isn’t happy when I mention she’s bailed me out many times, this is the least I can do. I don’t know if she is worried about the money, or second guessing her level of care, but I guess I’ll wait and see. This place will get snatched up so she can’t sit around and think for too long. </p>
<p>fingers crossed @eyemamom that she makes a good choice.</p>
<p>My mom has stayed in bed since the Mother’s Day dust up. manipulation or depression, who can tell? But the AL place is building a memory care facility, hopefully to open next spring. I will be signing her up for it I expect. They keep a closer eye on the residents usually at memory care places.</p>
<p>I just have to say it’s really hard watching someone decline. She’s still in the hospital and even just talking on the phone has her out of breath. She doesn’t want to go to the place we found and I respect that decision. She wants to come to my place for a little while after she’s released, which I’m happy to do. I have an in-law suite and a hot tub that she loves. She wants to see if/how she recovers to determine what level of care she needs. It is heartbreaking - she told me she wanted me to go buy a silverware box today so she can give me her ‘good’ silver. I can’t imagine they’d actually release her in her current condition. </p>
<p>Eyemamom, medicare will cover 21 days of rehab if directly admitted from the hospital. Your mom will need some help in her recovery and may not be able to enjoy the “perks” of your lovely in-law suite yet. Maybe you can offer that option to her if and when she is discharged from rehab? </p>
<p>eymamom, is someone talking to her doctors about what’s going on, making her so tired? What’s her diagnosis? How old is she? Do you have confidence in the hospital?</p>
<p>I thought eyemamom’s mom had heart failure? That would explain the tiredness.</p>
<p>@eyeamom it IS heartbreaking. Death by a thousand papercuts, and just when they scab over, a big chunk gets ripped off.<br>
You only can do what you can do is a great motto. I have to say it, save a little something for you and others in your life, because this can consume you completely without some care.</p>
<p>Mom is 79. Primary dx is congestive heart failure, but she’s had stents and open heart surgery and also has all over pain from RA, gout, osteoporosis. Because of the lasix she got dehydrated. She ended up getting a stomach virus while in the hospital. Xrays today were okay, and she stopped taking this medicine methotrexate which I hope helps. The case worker and I talked it over and she’s getting released to my home and getting a therapist to come to the house. She really needs some tlc and calmness and out of “institutional” care. She won’t be with me long term, just about 2 weeks. In that time she needs to determine where she wants to go and we can set up plans to do it. The crew up there absolutely need a break and we must come up with a solution. The good news is that all 4 of us siblings are all together on the decision making process now and all on the same page. However, it still needs to be implemented. </p>
<p>My main concern is if she gets worse while she’s with me. I hope it’s just time for her to relax and recover. </p>
<p>See if you can get some sort of visiting nurse approved, for vitals and that experienced look-see. One of the post-hospital challenges is when we aren’t trained, don’t know much about how to take BP, what’s a warning sign or not. We know more about tending our kids, when they are little. </p>
<p>So, my mother is still talking about moving- now NC (before it was GA.) She thinks her childhood best friend’s D (they’re in random contact, sweet gal,) will be her go-to if something needs attention, since I’m in New England. But this gal lives in N VA. No, Mom. “But VA and NC are neighboring states.” </p>
<p>How does the best friend’s D think about schlepping from Virginia to North Carolina at a moment’s notice to help out her mother’s friend? I’m thinking that would be a no go, in the general case.</p>
<p>The best friend died young, more than 50 years ago. This isn’t even a sort of ‘honorary aunt’ relationship. I don’t think they’ve seen each other since the gal was about 5. So it’s nuts. On all levels. DH used to say there’s a bit of Blanche DuBois in my mother- she depends on the kindness of strangers. Or likes to think that, of course, people want to do for her, as she needs, regardless of the challenges. (Some of it is funny.) </p>
<p>As soon as we get through a few things (D2’s graduating, D1 is coming back from a year abroad,) I’m going back for counseling for a refresher on handling this. No question in my mind, I’m a good daughter and willing to do what I can. But the gig is, that’s never going to be enough. I understand that. I just hate the dance. She loves the strings and insinuations. </p>
<p>Eye mammom google fatigue and methotrexate- my active mother ( except for macular degeneration ) took that about a year ago for RA and on third day she was Wiped out!!! If you read comments on internet you will see this drug knocks people for a loop. - on couch can’t move, like truck hit them- and many are younger!
I hope she is feeling better </p>
<p>Has anyone has their dementia parent admitted to a geriatric psych unit to help with depression and anger outbursts? We are looking to put my dad is a facility hoping that if we can get the meds correct he can be a little happier and better controlled. I would hate to put him trough this if it is generally a wste of time. Any input will help. Thanks.</p>
<p>Stressed2x-my father is in a memory care skilled nursing facility that is excellent. While he doesn’t have psychiatric med needs, many other residents benefit from them. I have a clinical background and if my relative was symptomatic in ways that compromised access to quality care, as well as their quality of life, would have them assessed. I would want input from an experienced geriatric psychopharmacologist, familiar with the needs of dementia patients, in a reputable unit. A good geriatric psych unit may well make sense. Medication interactions and sensitivities are common in elders, so expertise is needed. As it can take time to determine the efficacy of many psych meds, having an inpatient stay can allow for both progress and side effects to be monitored as well. Best with this. </p>
<p>Stressed2x, I am not certain if Mom’s rx has helped her anger/paranoia as much as getting her unhandy man who stirred her up, out of her life. But I can say she honestly seems happier in the AL place for the last six months. Took about 8 months for her to accept being there and her meds were changed quite a bit the first six months.</p>
<p>travelnut, Mom’s AL place is building a memory care unit. Can you comment on what it takes to get in it? In Mom’s case, it won’t be built for a year probably, they just broke ground last week. But I am thinking in a year, she might really need it. She has dementia, not Alzheimers. She still dresses herself, can read can pretend to be smart, but there are days she forgets and days she tries to make the world make sense and just fails. For example, I brought her her sewing machine and the first week she was able to sew up some seams. But the next week she had messed up all the settings AND had mis-threaded it so it didn’t work. She said we needed to take it in for service, When I got there, I just made adjustments and she said the nurses came in and played with it when she wasn’t there. I didn’t reply but said it is all fixed now. But is that the kind of thing that a memory care place would help with? Physically, she is pretty healthy and strong. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>A different kind of dementia? The description of your mother’s symptoms would fit Alzheimers, but could also fit other kinds of dementia. Does she have a diagnosis?</p>
<p>@cardinal fang , the diagnosis is vascular dementia. I, personally, don’t think it is Alzheimers because Grandma died of Alzheimers (died at home therefor autopsy confirmation) and Mom doesn’t act much like Grandma did. Mom is just more forgetful, Grandama got forgetful AND had a personality shift. I know each person might be different, but this is just what I see. I sort of expect Mom will end up in the same place as Grandma eventually; unable to speak or dress herself. Not a happy prospect. </p>