<p>My mother also has vascular dementia. She knows who people are and where she is. On a good day, she’ll even know what day and year it is. Alzheimer’s is just the most common form of dementia.</p>
<p>Thanks for telling me about vascular dementia. I didn’t know about it.</p>
<p>It sounds like vascular dementia is more preventable than Alzheimers, because it results or can result from conditions that are preventable or treatable, like strokes and high blood pressure. That doesn’t help our parents who have vascular dementia, but it can help us from following in their footsteps. </p>
<p>I just read that people whose mothers have Alzheimers are more likely to get Alzheimers. I didn’t want to learn that.</p>
<p>Yes, vascular dementia is preventable to a certain extent. The studies that suggest the rate of dementia is declining and the ones that suggest exercise helps is due to the rate of vascular dementia declining and modifiable. </p>
<p>I’m with you Cardinal Fang. I have a grandmother, father, and mother with Alzheimers. So far, nothing has been shown to help. There is a book out there called “The grain brain” which suggests an Atkins type diet may help. I’m considering it, but I just don’t like meat that much. I can stop bread (husband has celiac) and I’m working on my sugar addiction. </p>
<p>My mother was not very good at controlling her cholesterol and BP. She thought the cholesterol meds were too expensive, so she quit taking them. She also lied to her MD about her diet when he’d wonder why her BP would be up or down every time she came in and didn’t respond consistently to meds; she’d eat alot of frozen meals after my father died, and loved pickles and soup (not together). To her, if she didn’t add salt, she was doing what she was supposed to.</p>
<p>I take my cholesterol and BP meds religiously; drive DH crazy about checking labels for NA content; and won’t eat out as often as DH would like since I can’t know how much salt is in my meal. My BP still spikes when I get stressed (like dealing with my mother), but comes back down. I should exercise more.</p>
<p>esobay asked ‘how to get in’ to a memory care unit, I can relate how it worked for my mother. She is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s by process of elimination: it wasn’t vascular, vitamin B deficiency, other med imbalance or anything else treatable. </p>
<p>She went right from home to memory care. The facility where she is has 180 regular AL rooms, and 20 memory care. They do their own evaluations, by sending one of their staff RNs for a home visit. I had also told them of the Alzheimers dx from her dr. She might have been ok in regular AL, but we would have had to pay the extra charge for med and hygiene management. Those are included in the monthly charge for memory care anyway. Their big concern was her very poor short term memory, preventing her from being able to carry on a normal conversation. They felt it would have been too disturbing for their other residents. I was anxious to have her safe and well-cared for, so I agreed with their decision. </p>
<p>Now that they raised the monthly charge by $500, I’m second-guessing myself sometimes. Not that she needed help with meals, bathing and med management, but if it was right to have her go directly from home to MC. Also, she is at a for-profit facility. The nearby non-profits do not have memory care, but I wonder if they could have made it work.</p>
<p>A final note, we moved her to a facility in her home area, but 30 min. away from where I live now. I had the mistaken notion that she would know and remember other residents and it would be easier for her to be in familiar surroundings. There is another woman in MC who sat 3 pews in front of us at church for 15 years, but neither Mary or Mom have any awareness of that at this point. Mary does always smile at me, but I think she just is a pleasant person. Mom doesn’t remember going to that church, and actually gets upset when a priest comes for a visit. Also, Mom refuses to go on the local outings (very well-supervised, 8 residents and 2 aides) and when I do take her out somewhere she doesn’t recognize much anyway. </p>
<p>This is not an easy road to travel. At least we are in good company.</p>
<p>12dandy, we left my mom in her home town because she was born and raised there. 400 miles from either my brother (to the east) and 400 miles from me (to the south). One of us makes the trip each month because you have to check them. We thought she would be happier where she knew people, and she knew lots when she first moved there. She might not recall their names right now, but she knows she knows them. And she has visitors that drop by. When she goes a bit more downhill, we are thinking of moving her closer to one of us because visitors are dwindling and she is forgetting more and more. She mostly thinks she is in a hotel in another town now anyway. I am concerned how much more the memory care place will be, too. We pay $900 for the pill pushers, and her level of care (reminders to wash her dentures, laundry (which she won’t let them do) and blah blah blah. We moved her up a level in care (another $300) to have the long term care kick in and pay, which was a big win since they pay for all the care now. </p>
<p>What I read about memory care places, besides keeping closer track of the residents, they have specific exercises to retain what memory there is, and more hands on help. IDK if it would make a difference for my Mom or not. </p>
<p>esobay, where my mom is MC includes laundry, med management and helping her shower twice a week. They do have the memory-helping activities,but she won’t do them. In retrospect, she never was one to sit and visit with other ladies or do crafts, so it’s just more of the same behavior. The people who do participate seem to be enjoying it, it’s generally the ladies not the guys, the guys are watching TV. I think some of the guys do go along when they go out to eat or just to take a drive in the van. </p>
<p>I think any kind of stimulation is good, and it would probably improve her mood (she frequently tells me she’s so bored), but she has politely refused to participate for over a year now. </p>
<p>It’s nice that your mom still has some visitors, but you’ll just have to see what seems best when the time comes, considering both the finances and the stress and strain on you and your brother. My sister hasn’t visited and probably won’t until Mom is gone, so that was a bit trying also. On the one hand, I got to call the shots, on the other hand, I HAD to call the shots. At least sister didn’t fight me on it. She might if she knew the monthly charge …</p>
<p>Should I be happy or guilty? Mom has been here since Saturday. She came a complete mess. I took her to the dr’s office today to get her a follow up and get the home health agency here. She’s been having bad tummy problems. She’s to be on the brat diet for a few days, plus some greek yogurt. I made homemade applesauce last fall and always keep the other stuff on hand. The nurse practitioner was wonderful with her and just getting her out did her a world of good. She came to me a total dishrag and I’m really seeing a huge turnaround with her. I threatened to force feed her (I was kidding, but I meant how worried I was) She nibbled all day today and is drinking. She’s back to herself again and not feeling so pathetic. The downside after just a few days of tlc and the buzz of activity here - she feels like she could possibly go home. So the guilt - I just know I’m not the long term solution. I’ve got too much going on and still work and still want to do more things than care for her. </p>
<p>No, eyemamom, you’re not the long-term solution and don’t feel guilty! When a transition is necessary but the path isn’t clear, I think that’s the hardest for everyone. (((((HUGS))))) and good luck finding that path! It was when I couldn’t commit to more than I could deal with, that’s when I was most grateful for my therapist. Don’t know if that would work for you, but it did for me.</p>
<p>Eso- sorry for delay. Out of town to attend DD’s graduate school graduation.</p>
<p>It’s great to anticipate elder’s needs going forward, even though we all lack a crystal ball. Every situation is different, but some general info may be useful. Entry criteria varies by facility. Memory care units exist at both the assisted living level of care and the skilled nursing level of care, Skilled nursing is the higher level of care and such facilities are able to manage just about any course of intersecting illnesses or infirmities an elder might face. They are more fully staffed and have In-house, round the clock nursing care, allowing them to respond to less independence as well as medical complexities. Criteria for admission varies between ALs, and may be somewhat different within the SN level also, though care level at SNFs is more uniform as a rule. If AL, it is important to know what happens if a resident eventually needs toilet help or assistance with routine schedules, for example. Hopefully, medication administration and dispensing is built in from the start if a person has confusion or memory loss. It would be good to get info directly from your mother’s AL about what is planned and the care level, as well as what type of resident is most likely to be appropriate. </p>
<p>My father moved from non-memory care AL (with nursing care) to memory care SNF. He has a relatively slow progressing vascular dementia, and at almost 90 is physically slowing down, but in generally good health. He can have a good conversation, full of humor, especially if others initiate. He knows his memory is his weakest link, but it doesn’t make him anxious. He can use the lav alone, but could never organize his clothes, remember the times of structured activities, or be responsible for finances or paperwork. He is sociable, so built-in, organized activities that are fun and engaging, accompanied by prompting to attend, optimize his quality of life. There are many people there who need more help than he does at this point, but he has friends there at a similar level of functioning and there is peace of mind in knowing that he is situated no matter what comes next. Although he has only been there for 2 years, he is weaker with age and appreciates the availability of additional assistance on occasion. Reduction in memory is also evident.</p>
<p>What you describe with your mother and the sewing machine may well represent the circumstances of someone who would benefit from some type of memory care unit. They vary a lot, but all of them should be excellent at handling this type of deflecting resonsibilty to others, providing reassurance/discreet solutions while minimizing shame, upset and conflict. I think, in general, being in an environment that caters to one’s vulnerabilities and fosters retaining engagement is optimal. The structure and routine is helpful, as is the socialization. I appreciate that my father’s place also works hard to accommodate individual preferences. I was glad to have moved him to memory care before the other shoe dropped and it was a crisis situation. </p>
<p>Best with sorting this out. There are a lot of us who have had to make these decisions and I continue to learn from the range of experiences discussed here.</p>
<p>Also, I moved my folks out of state to be near my family when my mother’s physical health was failing and we were the responsible “kids”. Best thing that could have happened. Very helpful and convenient to provide local support. YMMV.</p>
<p>. </p>
<p>Eyeamom- be happy. You are helping your mother big time, and you know your limits. Win/win!</p>
<p>HS graduation Friday. MIL and FIL (both 87) will be here 4 days and 4 nights. We rented a wheelchair because vehicle too small to include theirs. Purchased a toilet seat raiser with handles as FIL has trouble getting up from lower toilet.</p>
<p>BIL bringing them. Celebrating their 60th anniversary and H and my 35th. Papal blessing will be a surprise. Have two photo sessions - another BIL, SIL and nephew coming for w/e also. </p>
<p>When they had their 50th, we were the ones that got 8 x 10 photos of them (we have a wonderful JCP studio).</p>
<p>I am stressing about having house ready enough and all the meals. </p>
<p>My sis and BIL are coming 2 days and 2 nights.</p>
<p>Will make it through as best I can :)</p>
<p>I am strong in some areas. </p>
<p>I should have hired a housekeeper the last couple of months and I could have kept up better with the house. Tossing a lot into the garage! </p>
<p>It didn’t help that dau brought lots of stuff from 2 years in dorm rooms (also stayed last summer) and she has been very slow organizing. I also had to arrange and coordinate overseas tickets (abroad study) - purchased today after making sure she has nursing stuff done at school (uniform fittings, background check, drug screen etc) - I had to send an email (supposed to be a no-no, but it turns out someone failed to send info to dau; we could not line up expensive airline tickets w/o having the nursing stuff settled. Also had to coordinate other dau OOS flight (leaving June 5). Important things to take care of.</p>
<p>Great news from Mom’s neurologist. She has a folic acid deficiency, which supposedly can cause cognitive problems. When she takes her pills, the doc says we’ll see cognitive improvement!</p>
<p>And she has been having dizzy spells, but the doctor notice some kind of cardiac arrhythmia, so maybe that can be treated as well.</p>
<p>SOSConcern, sandwich gen much? Congratulations on the wedding anniversaries!</p>
<p>Cardinaal, that is good news! I felt a bump in intelligence when i started taking folic acid.</p>
<p>Re the folic acid deficiency–I just saw a presentation on the various forms of dementia and they mentioned ruling out nutritional issues first. Sometimes the happy news is it’s not Alzheimer’s or Lewy Body dementia, but a vascular problem they can treat, or other treatable issues (even an infection or dehydration) that cause confusion.</p>
<p>Verifying what others have said, when I switched my mom to a geriatric specialist from a family practitioner, he reviewed (and altered) some of her meds, ordered an ultrasound of her carotid artery, and blood tests for any nutritional issues. In her case he felt he could diagnose Alzheimer’s after ruling out all of those, and I agreed with him. But I was glad he looked for all the treatable issues first. Her dementia has now increased even with the proper nutrition and med management at the memory care, but it is a very slow progression and she’s 87. I see much younger folks also in memory care. Sad. </p>
<p>CardinalFang, that is great news. Good luck SOSconcern. and congrats to your graduate. I have a D graduating in a few weeks myself. </p>
<p>Mom brought a special gift with her - a stomach virus that wiped out the entire family. This is day 3 for me and I’m now believing I’ll survive.</p>
<p>Part of the agreement to coming here was she’d get in home therapy vs going to a rehab place. You guessed it, she fired the physical therapist. So yesterday when I had the ability to make a sentence asked her - since you fired the pt have you been exercising? No, but I know the exercises. And I told her the point of it was not to learn them, but to have someone with her so she did it. Hubby was furious, told her she lied to him and he was beyond disgusted that she does nothing to help herself. </p>
<p>Honestly, after we get back from our trip to take my d to her orientation I’m sending her back home. She’s back on her feet, she’s not doing her therapy, she may as well go home because I don’t want to wait on her hand and foot any longer so she can continue on this path. </p>
<p>eyemamom, so sorry you got sick. So do you recall some favorite phrases of hers when you were a teen? I’d not resist quoting them back to her. And yes, I’d send her home too because she didn’t keep her agreement. Just ask if she can’t keep her agreement then she is obviously deranged and should go get long term professional care in a living place. I feel for you, hugs.</p>
<p>I looked up the research about folic acid deficiency and dementia. It’s equivocal. I now believe that supplementation is unlikely to make a significant difference in my mother’s cognition. She should take the supplements, because folic acid deficiency has a lot of symptoms, all bad, but I don’t expect a dramatic miracle improvement.</p>
<p>DH is one of 8 children, 7 of whom live in the same city as MIL. Of those 7, DH and 2 other siblings have provided the most help for MIL - responding when she falls, taking her to doctor appointments, running errands, etc. Now 89 yo MIL has been in a skilled nursing facility for ~3 weeks following a hospital stay, but MIL does not want to stay in skilled nursing. MIL says she is not a social person, so she has not participated in ANY activities at the nursing home and even eats her meals in her room vs. going to the dining room. Although MIL is one of the more able people in the skilled nursing, it is still to be determined if she is able enough to move to an assisted living facility. For the next step, the family is considering two options: return to her condo with 24 hour care (aides) or move to assisted living (if she qualifies). She has the financial means to pay for either option. </p>
<p>What are the pros and cons to the two choices? </p>