<p>My mother was in assisted living for almost 12 years, paying for it through SS, pension, savings/investments, and the proceeds from the sale of her co-op. Actually, I was handling all the financial stuff. </p>
<p>Over 5 years ago, she had another stroke and could have returned to assisted living with a private aide. The expense of that would’ve been almost as much as a nursing home. I opted for the nursing home so she’d be closer to where I live and so I wouldn’t have to keep looking for a new aide everytime she complained about her current one. She was private pay at the nursing home for the first 2 years, until her money ran out. She’s still at the same nursing home, but with Medicaid paying for it. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, sometimes there is no other choice. The nursing home she’s in also has a CCRC associated with it, so many of the residents are not on Medicaid. It’s important to check out any nursing home personally before placing a parent, if at all possible.</p>
<p>Wow, same with my dad. Angry abusive drunk for his entire adult life. And it’s only since he got sick that I’ve been able to have compassion for him. Forgiveness is questionable but I have hope. I wouldn’t wish his illness on anyone, but it has been a gift to me to be able to have compassion for him.</p>
<p>I’m calling around to different agencies trying to get him some help. I had a good lead with the Visiting Nurse Service of Philly but it turned out they don’t take his “Medicare Advantage” plan. So that doesn’t seem like much of an advantage. The whole world of Medicare/Medicaid/private insurance is so baffling to me; I can’t understand how sick, demented elderly people are supposed to navigate it.</p>
<p>ECmotherx2, thanks for the suggestion, I’m not sure he would qualify for hospice. Pretty sure no one has declared him terminal. His doctors remark at how well he is doing for someone with all his ailments. I must say, with his history of heavy drinking, obesity, and total lack of care for his health, we are all amazed that he has lived this long.</p>
<p>Simpkin, how old is your father and what is “wrong” with him? I think I missed it. My dad is 84 and besides the dementia has a host of medical ailments, and takes about eight different prescriptions. The joke in our family is that after the apocalypse my father will still be here with the roaches. We think all the drinking preserved him.</p>
<p>LOL, thanks for that, it definitely helps to keep a sense of humor. My father is not even that old; he’s 73 but looks 20 years older. I can’t even remember all the things that are wrong with him. His main problems at this point are Parkinsonian syndrome and frontal lobe dementia. </p>
<p>My mother got motivated to call her own insurance company, and it turns out that not only do they cover some amount of homecare but they got the ball rolling as soon as she called, and a nurse is going to evaluate him on Monday. So I wasted a lot of time on the phone but at least something is happening now. Meanwhile she is still in a lot of pain and is talking about going to the ER tomorrow to ask for an MRI. Does that make any sense? Would the ER send her for an MRI or just give her pain meds and tell her to see her own doctor on Monday?</p>
<p>I asked my daughter, who is an emergency room nurse, what would happen for your mother. They would NOT give her an MRI. They will most likely give her pain meds and then send her home with a recommendation that she see her dr on Monday.</p>
<p>My father just moved into an assisted living apartment…he doesn’t need much assistance (he takes his meals in the dining room and has bathing help). He could live on his own and cook his own meals in a “regular” apartment which would have been cheaper than assisted living. But I guess he’s ready to quit cooking for himself.</p>
<p>Between his retired military pay, a pension from a job he took after he retired from the military and social security, he can afford to pay for his assisted living costs without dipping into his savings. As his need for increased care goes up, this won’t hold true–but for now, he’s OK. </p>
<p>With his income flow, the sale of his home and some savings, he can live comfortably for a number of years without our financial help. We’re lucky–and I know it!</p>
<p>Over the 12 years that my mother was in assisted living, costs increased not only because the rent went up annually, but because the level of care my mother required increased. </p>
<p>My parents were savers, not spenders and had some stocks that had appreciated greatly over the time that they held them. I don’t think their impetus to save was in planning for assisted living/nursing homes, but more that they were Depression era/holocaust surviviors and knew that things could be gone at any minute. I’m still not really sure how her money lasted as long as it did, but by the time she got into the nursing home I was having to liquidate all the stock holdings and that money only lasted 2 years.</p>
<p>Re: costs of elder care. The expenses are astronomical. There are some options with facilities run as non-profits who assess assets at the time of application, and then, combined with other programs (including various ones through Medicaid), make a life-time commitment to their residents once their funds are depleted. When these programs are involved, Social Security payments, less a small monthly stipend for living expenses, are the resident’s method of financing the care-combined with state programs or Medicaid. Such programs seem to require that the assisted living component offer a certain level of medical care and perhaps vary by state. Non-profits are not always easy to find and if finances are an issue, getting started early and perhaps being on a waiting list is worthwhile. This is particularly true for assisted living care which is rarely covered outside of long term care insurance.
Years ago I was also told that holding a chunk of parental assets aside (someone in the field suggested $50,000-ish) for possible nursing home care might allow for access to the better nursing homes as they would be happy to have a full pay resident for a period of time before Medicaid rates are paid. We by-passed this issue by selecting a non-profit, full-service elder care option, with everything from independent living to assisted living with built-in medical care, to skilled rehab, nursing home and Alzheimer’s care.
Thinking of all the weary care-givers and how remarkable you are.</p>
<p>For my parents, it’s only possible because of their long-term care insurance benefit, which covers 60% of the Assisted Living bill. The rest is covered by their Social Security and pensions. </p>
<p>The benefit runs out in 2 years, so we’ll have to make some hard decisions at that time – whether to move them someplace cheaper, or start dipping into their nest egg at a scary rate. It sounds terrible, but I suppose it will boil down to what we think their life expectancy is at that point, and whether they have enough money to stay there.</p>
<p>How do you find a reputable agency to provide homecare aides? Do the agencies have any sort of state oversight and evaluation like nursing homes do? I have a list of names of agencies in Philadelphia, but no other information.</p>
<p>I really want to get someone into my parents’ apartment ASAP. Their insurance company may or may not be planning to provide services, but nothing is happening quickly enough. I want to get an aide in there immediately, for a few days or a week, until my mother is well enough to take care of my father, or the insurance company comes through with an aide. My brother is on the scene, and I can go there this weekend if necessary, but neither of us feels capable of tending to my father’s hygiene needs.</p>
<p>Simpkin- Perhaps call a well-regarded assisted living place. In my experience, at some facilities, residents able to pay for private care do so to extend their time in assisted living vs. a skilled nursing home. I’d speak with the assisted living director or see if their administrator knows what agencies the private care people hired by their residents are from or what they would recommend. As they have this help in and out with their residents regularly, they should have a clear sense of who they like to have on-site. Sometimes people will share their favorites or tips. Good luck with this. I am not sure if there is state oversight of these organizations with ratings.</p>
<p>Simpkin, you can also try the social service agency in the town or city. While they don’t like to make recommendations, you could always ask, “if you were to contact an agency for one of your family members, who would you use?” Also try the local senior citizens center or office of the aging.</p>
<p>Inlaws are visiting. MIL has had escalating memory issues for at least 3 years, but the family is really bad about communicating & doesn’t want to “push” FIL. Apparently she’s been having some hallucinations, and he finally pushed the dr on it; she’s now on some type of meds. DH asked what the diagnosis is, and FIL said they didn’t give him a specific name. I don’t believe that her doctors are very good, or really don’t care much. They live in FL, and there’s not good communication between the the different specialists. I really want to have them stay here, see my mom’s geriatric specialist & be able to have all the specialists see each other’s notes (I am spoiled: Vanderbilt has been exceptional for years with electronic health records; every one of my mom’s dr’s can see the others notes and the geriatric specialists coordinates with them.) Today’s adventure: she apparently unpacked the bag my FIL packed for her and replaced the pants with shorts & capris; it’s going to be a high of 46 on Saturday. They’re at the mall now getting her some pants. </p>
<p>I’m trying to be mindful of the fact that I’m the DIL, but I’ve got 30 years of dealing with my parents doctors. I think I’m going to have a private chat with my FIL. Someone has got to take the bull by the horns & find out what’s really going on.</p>
<p>My 94 year old mother has been in assisted living for 2 1/2 years now. She has a great mind, but is wheelchair bound due to severe spinal stenosis and is legally blind. She has gradually had to add services to where she is now paying a little over $5,000 a month. Up to this point, we have paid for her care with her savings. That is just about gone. Luckily, we just sold her home, which was a small 2 bedroom duplex in a retirement neighborhood. That should pay for another couple of years. She gets a little over $1,000 a month from Social Security. Next we will apply for the Veterans Aid and Attendant benefit (which will be @ $1,000 a month). After that, we will turn to Medicaid, if needed. You also have to add to these costs supplies for incontinence (which REALLY add up), basic toiletries, occasional new article of clothing, haircuts, etc. Aging is can be very, very expensive!!</p>
<p>We have had good luck with Visiting Angels here in Lancaster PA. We are fortunate to live in an area where there are a lot of really nice people who are willing to work for an agency. The rate they charge you is nothing like what the healthcare aide receives.</p>
<p>This thread is awesome! My mother is 96 and she/I are dealing with so many issues. Being three hours apart doesn’t help. Must bookmark this thread! Thanks to all</p>
<p>Visited my 90-year-old father over Thanksgiving. He is LOVING his assisted living place, esp. the meals! He eats with others at tables for 4 (or fewer) and he likes that they give them choices for entrees and beverages. And they take care of his meds every day so he doesn’t have to remember to take them. :)</p>
<p>Just made some copies of the photos we took to send to him. He looks really good after being there for 3 weeks, instead of on his own. :)</p>
<p>We are hoping he will stay where he is, with status quo health, for a good long time. Tho you never can tell, can you? :/</p>