<p>At least you don’t have to take care of that one. 
Enjoy your book.</p>
<p>Dharmawheel, I no longer get the Times in paper form, just online. So I don’t know what’s online and what isn’t, although I believe that if an article is in the paper, at the end the online version gives the date and page number in the newspaper.</p>
<p>I believe that there is a lot more online, lots of blogs, videos and other stuff, that can’t be in the paper or doesn’t fit in the paper.</p>
<p>I had to satisfy myself so I checked the whole print paper, including Business and Sports, and it is NOT there. How can such an important article be left out? This really bothers me. I might seriously stop paying for the print paper and just get it online. Thanks for the link!</p>
<p>Okie doke - thoughts please. My mom has congestive heart failure. She is now sleeping on her couch - I believe it’s so she can raise her head up, and she also says for the oxygen. My sister suggested she get a bed that can do that, but mom insists she prefers the couch. My sis is freaking out over this.</p>
<p>Next - mom fired the agency that provides vetted aids. She thinks she can find someone at the nail salon or through friends or who knows what. She thought she found someone, but they never called back. She has the number for the agency. She liked the aids, she didn’t like the nurse who did the intake. Who she never sees. </p>
<p>I tell my sister all the time - stop rescuing her. She isn’t in imminent danger, it’s just not the best scenario for her. If mom won’t hire someone to help her with her groceries do not go do it for her. But she thinks I’m mean. </p>
<p>My mother prefers the couch- and my grandmother did, too. They claim/claimed the support is good (I think partly the back rest part of the sofa, which beds don’t have.) </p>
<p>A grown up should be allowed to sleep where ever they want (as long as it’s not an inconvenience to anyone and they are not in danger). Eyeamom, your sister is definitely over-reacting. While it might not be ideal, Mom should be allowed that decision. </p>
<p>@oldmom4896, I think MIL would be happier in a nursing home, or maybe AL with an aide, than she is at home with only FIL to care for her. She is very socially isolated now, since she can’t get out of the house (or even around the house much) without major assistance, and FIL is really too tired and weak to help her much. Their few outings sometimes end with falls, and are quite stressful. She had several rehab stays when she was going through chemo, and she still talks fondly of the people - residents and staff - that she met during those stays.</p>
<p>She’s not going to move, though. MIL/FIL both refer to that possibility as “putting her in a home”, and for FIL especially, it represents failure on his part - if he has to put her in a home, he failed at taking care of her. He won’t ever admit that. But if he has a major medical event, we’ll have to do something anyway. And no, no one in the family has any intention of doing any research in advance, since it’s never going to happen.</p>
<p>eyemamom - They sell wedges that can be helpful to elevate the head in a bed for sleeping if your mom wants to sleep in her bed. We got one at the pharmacy</p>
<p>My father thought the same way, MomofJandL, about taking care of my stepmother. They wound up with caretakers for my stepmother at home, and I know it bothered my dad a lot to know that he was dying and couldn’t fulfill his mission of caring for her. But she had increasing dementia. She seemed to enjoy the company of the aides, I think. And my dad realized that he just couldn’t take care of her adequately so agreed over the final year they were home to aides 3 days a week, then 4 days a week, then living in.</p>
<p>I posted the article because I thought it might be helpful to many here. I am out of old people to worry about at this point–both parents gone, stepmother in a memory care unit 2000 miles away near her son, never married so no inlaws.</p>
<p>MomofJandL, some tend to think of these places as green walls, Nurse Ratched and lockdowns. Ime, the places I know are grand. My brother and I used to joke, we should be as lucky as my grandmother, to be able to afford such a place. In her last one, GM had a first floor apt with a back door out to an open patio, a large green lawn (even in AZ,) unobstructed view, steps to the pool. The food was wonderful and the staff doted on residents. Maybe we should start referring to these facilities as Elder Condos or something. I think that’s why we get terms like “senior living.”</p>
<p>eyemom, I vote with you, your sister has to let up a little bit. I think your mom can sleep where she wants. I don’t think she should live alone in danger because she wants to fire people. I watched my Grandma do that and it didn’t end well. It didn’t end until Mom moved in with her and was there 24/7. </p>
<p>oldmom, I didn’t read the article, but thanks for posting. </p>
<p>dharma, sounds like fun (sarcasm font missing). Don’t talk to me about trying to get on-line form for reporting social security representative payee for annual report for my Mom. I’ll fight another day, but took to drink at some point.</p>
<p>Just another day in “why why whine” land. I tried to change Mom’s medicare supplement insurance from $369/mo to one that is under $200. But it is all done and they don’t accept the guardianship. NOR the POA. They would rather have her mark an X and get it witnessed. Not happening. First, yes, she can write perfectly well and sign her name. Yes, she will sign anything any one puts infront of her, which is why it isn’t happening that she will get to sign this paper! What is WRONG with you people? You are not above the law which says that a POA is as if they are that person. Or that a guardian/conservator is like a parent. You don’t let six year old kids sign their health insurance do you? Back to the drawing board, glad she has an agent that is on the ball and trying hard to help.</p>
<p>One of these days I hope a bunch of insurance companies and banks get whomped for failing to honor appropriately executed durable powers of attorney. We had my mom’s – executed by a highly respected eldercare attorney – turned down multiple times. Everybody wanted it to be on their own form – which is rather ridiculous when you think of the reason you have a durable POA.</p>
<p>It’s all about money. Their form must protect them in some way. I wouldn’t use the word “whomped.” Too kind. </p>
<p>One of the reasons we moved a big chunk of $$$ to Fidelity was because they had a Durable Power of Attorney form that you and loved one could sign and have recognized until either party died. The other firms (Schwab and Vanguard) required more paperwork at time of incompetence, even if you used their forms all along. </p>
<p>Another life lesson. Don’t throw out your deceased loved ones social security card! My mom is selling her place, she’s actually already moved and closing is on Thursday. They called yesterday that they need my dad’s death certificate and social security card. She has the certificate, but didn’t keep the ss card and now doesn’t remember his number. I’m sure it will be easy enough to go look at old tax forms, but she’s a bit frazzled and overwhelmed and can’t think clearly. She has to prove she is the sole owner of the place.</p>
<p>Check his death certificate, eyemamom.<br>
And, depending on when he died, the social security death index might still have it listed. </p>
<p>Yes, I’ve been frustrated of late trying to get my parent’s estate into something manageable for me. So far HImom, Vanguard has not been bad. The problems have been with T Rowe Price. Also, the banks POA is less “durable” than the DPOA and is just a regular power of attorney. I will be hiring an investment adviser that manages my accounts to help me wade through the mess. </p>
<p>Investment advisors vary greatly. Try to get one who charges by the hour instead of a % of assets and commissions. Our estate attorney and a friend who has served as executor of several estates was invaluable to us. We have never trusted an investment advisor. Our attorney is very reasonable and knows a lot of the key folks in town to help us get title straightened out. </p>
<p>I too moved assest from companies that wanted their own POA forms. I had a bank manager run after me and told me that he would personally go to my aunt’s house for her medallion signature form. I told him that if the bank did not recognize a legal POA it led me to wonder what other legal matters did it not recognize! I really had a good laugh over how flustered he became.</p>
<p>So does anyone know why it is that many banks and investment firms won’t take a DPOA?</p>