<p>Travelnut - It certainly seems like palliative care is appropriate for your dad. He is so fortunate to have such a wise daughter. I find that the very elderly almost seem to choose when to die. They won’t verbalize it, but they will just stop doing things that connect and engage them with life.</p>
<p>Thanks GT. I know what you mean about deciding to die- can feel like decoding which comes first - the chicken or the egg I also think that part of windng down is becoming weaker and more remote from your surroundings, generally less tethered to the day to day. My mother had a terminal disease (no dementia), and it was fascinating to watch her language become more “poetic” and almost ephemeral as her death approached. She saw things from a new perspective somehow, not her former, highly pragmatic point of view. I wish I had better documented this.</p>
<p>I don’t always feel wise, but I do accept the reality of death and the desirability of allowing nature to set the course at a certain point. He is there now and I am grateful for the clarity. </p>
<p>Lookingforward, you are so very right. No is not a “failure”. It took me about 7 years of heartache to learn that. I still have a hard time with it on occasion.</p>
<p>travelnut, knowing when it’s time to let nature take its course is wise. Your belief in a graceful exit, and your being about to put it into words so well, helped me tremendously in my dad’s final months. Trust your daughter’s intuition; I don’t think it will steer you wrong.</p>
<p>I’m wishing you peace as you go through this part of the journey.</p>
<p>Thanks, LasMa- hard to know how imminent things are, but clearly we are in a new phase. I appreciate your kind words and value how you were able to share your process with your father. I do think that trusting your gut s great advice. I continue to learn a lot from everyone here.</p>
<p>I came across this video today and thought that this would be a perfect place to post it. It was filmed in a retirement village in New Zealand. Enjoy!
<a href=“80-odd years of happy - YouTube”>80-odd years of happy - YouTube;
<p>I never post here but I do read it occasionally. I’ve learned that I’m not alone in the issues I’m facing with my elderly mother and I’ve also learned to be grateful that, although she can be very difficult, we’re fortunate that we aren’t dealing with dementia or financial problems (yet). Thanks to all who post here offering tips, understanding, comfort and just a place to vent. =D> </p>
<p>Patsmom, I looked at lots of Happy take-offs, love the way people around the world share similar likes and reactions. But this one is special. I hope to be dancing around when I’m older. Thanks.</p>
<p>Lovely video --uplifting. Thx!</p>
<p>I want to send that video to my FIL, but I think he would think I was implying he should live in a home ;)</p>
<p>That video is great- thanks for posting. Way to rock a bow tie and fedora. </p>
<p>It looks like a really lovely facility and everyone from the staff to the residents appear to be very happy there. I wish it was in this country! </p>
<p>That made me smile. Thanks!</p>
<p>My parents have an appointment with an AL place . I can’t believe how lucky we might be.</p>
<p>I’ll keep my fingers crossed, dragonmom.</p>
<p>Here’s part 2 of the NY Times series on selecting a nursing home:
<a href=“Picking a Nursing Home Shouldn't Be Trial and Error - The New York Times”>http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/08/04/picking-nursing-home-shouldnt-be-trial-and-error/</a></p>
<p>Good luck dragonmom, my mother has been in one now for a month, I will be visiting in 3 days, except for a few bumps so far so good.</p>
<p>oldmom- very informative articles. It is important to be pro-active.</p>
<p>dragonmom- fingers crossed. It can bring so much peace of mind. </p>
<p>Travelnut: Regarding your post 3661: I couldn’t agree more about the interesting way our parents detach themselves from the world before leaving. For the last year or so, I desperately tried to encourage my mom to volunteer in some manner, as she seemed to focus more and more on only herself. She had no interest. She had her share of medical issues, but her mind was still sharp, her hearing fine. Our conversations were becoming more strained because there was little to talk about. She was also no longer reading and then stopped watching TV. One day, I brought magazines she might have once read, asked her to read some of the articles, and suggested we could discuss them. Her response was “There’s no time”. I could not understand what she was talking about, as she seemed to have all the time in the world. She died 6 days later!</p>
<p>patsmom- loved the video- shared with D2 and she loved it- of course she always thought New Zealand is all that and this just confirmed it.</p>
<p>Love the video patsmom. The place looked just like the CCRC my parent’s live. The staff and residents seem happy there too!</p>