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<p>My parent’s counter was getting out of control, so I got them a large corkboard which hangs in the kitchen for things like this. It holds addresses and phone numbers, appointment cards, bills and receipts, lists and notes of various kinds, and of course, pictures. I do have to keep an eye on it to make sure it’s not getting overrun and that things which are supposed to stay put are staying put. But it’s cut way down on the lost bits and pieces</p>
<p>DeniseC: thanks for the tip about the pill box. My dad used one and DH uses one now. The issue is that even if I filled it, mom doesn’t “believe” in medication. She takes some of it occasionally, but it’s not a forgetfulness issue. I think she truly believes that taking medication 1x/week=4x/day because at least she took it when she felt like it. If she was one of my kids, she’d be in time out at least 5x/week. </p>
<p>As expected, the cardiologist visit was uneventful. His manner & discussion led me to the same conclusion: the aaa is a non-issue or is at the very least, something that won’t impact her health short term. I think mom was disappointed. Because on the way home I heard: her left arm hurt, she thought she had a fever and then (then!) she had issues that wouldn’t let them do a tranfusion for the (2nd) time at the specialist office. This hadn’t happened before last week, ever. I may, or may not, have been patient. I’m imagining that the office staff may be talking about me after the side talk I had with some of them today!</p>
<p>Getting old is not for sissies. And, as I’m learning, not for their children either. God Bless all of us, our parents and caregivers.</p>
<p>My mom hates meds too and fortunately has rarely had any that she HAS to take. When she had eye drops for glaucoma & the two ophthamologists she had impressed on her how crucial it was that she take them regularly, she actually DID take her eyedrops. She has her dental work w/o ANY novocaine or other numbing or sedation. She has rarely ever taken an aspirin or anything else. </p>
<p>Dad is somewhat more compliant, but even he only takes meds if he can FEEL that it has made a difference. He has only two meds prescribed for him so far and takes them both as he sees fit (fortunately he functions very well and neither med is CRUCIAL for his health, as he and we understand it).</p>
<p>I applaud everyone who is working their best to soldier on with their aging loved ones through these challenging times. It isn’t easy, but it is part of the fabric of our lives.</p>
<p>I am just reading these threads for the first time. I must say, I feel there are some kindred spirits here. my3gr8boyz, my father is also a proud Cornell engineer, and like you, I am watching this very capable man slowly decline. My heart goes out to and your family as you navigate through all of this, especially at Christmas. This extends to all of you on CC. We all share a similar bond as we watch our once very competent loved ones who gave us so much enter a stage of life that requires us now. I am thankful that you can spend these blessed moments with your parents. These moments will remain with you always.</p>
<p>Like many here, I am taking care of both of my elderly parents right now. They have recently moved up to my hometown from the south, where they had retired for many years and are now in independent living. The family arrangement is that I oversee their needs by taking them to the doctor and doing errands, etc. as I work as a sub in a school but it has drastically turned into full-time care as my father has been battling congestive heart failure since a year ago October and has been in and out of the hospital ever since. It is a daily roller coaster for my Dad and there are many phone calls, day and night. Both are 88 so there are a lot of needs to address, but for the most part my mother is in good health.</p>
<p>I have found this time with them as a renewed opportunity to share time with them. Like many of you though, there are so many struggles to deal with and watching my Dad suffer makes me sad because I feel. helpless when sometimes the news isn’t good at the doctor. Some days I just feel drained, sort of like I am in a fog.</p>
<p>There are so many helpful comments here about how to help with daily tasks. It’s neat to see how everyone does things a little differently, based on the personality of our parents, no doubt! I have found that my parents like things done a very specific way and then I “tweak it” to make it work best for them.</p>
<p>If you had asked me 5 years ago what my life would be like today, I would never have predicted this turn of events. My husband has been very supportive. He works very long hours to keep his job as an engineer, so the time away from home has been okay. My 2 DD’s are in college and grad school so they have adjusted. The hardest part for them is watching their grandparents health decline. They are blessed to have all four grandparents. What a legacy. </p>
<p>When I have a chance, I am going to really read these threads. I appreciate everyone that has taken the time to share their stories. I can really relate to a lot of your stories and some make me laugh - like our parents being ornery or stubborn at times! It brings a bit of comic relief to a heart wrenching situation.</p>
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<p>What a fabulous idea! What also may be useful is a box of cards for different occasions–birthday, sympathy, missing you, thank you, etc. along with a book of stamps. That way, the parent can write a card, address, stamp and mail the card before forgetting all about it.</p>
<p>Ditto on the 4 x 7 matrix pillbox. When I visited I could see if my father had taken his pills the day before. When he finally went into assisted living, one of the signs he was ready was missing his meds more frequently. Now the kind nurses come in and give him his pills at the right times! :)</p>
<p>He called me yesterday, wanting to know if I would be coming in for New Years (as I have for several years now.) It saddened me to explain that no, son’s fiancee’s parents were coming HERE to visit. That’s why I visited HIM at Thanksgiving. And in October, and in August (he’s 600 miles away, unfortunately.)</p>
<p>Life goes on, sometimes without you.</p>
<p>I like the cards & stamps idea! I have also told my kids to be sure to send Grampa cards when they are thinking of him. Now that he is in a stable situation, the mail might actually reach him! (I had 2 cards come back b/c the post office couldn’t find him.)</p>
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<p>Kids are another group that could do with stamped, pre-addressed with Grampa’s address cards handy!</p>
<p>Lots of great ideas here. I am so touched by everyone’s efforts and patience, as well as the moments when our reserves are depleted. With my father in skilled memory care, I am not on the front lines directly with the daily medication and routine management. At this point, I do his holiday correspondance for him, as he can remember many friends/extended family members, but not generate a note so well. He does enjoy hearing from a few people. </p>
<p>That brings up another issue. I am trying to keep in touch periodically with those who were closest to my parents over the years. My father left his state at 80 to move nearer to me, as did my now deceased mother. Being close to 90, many of his friends are in failing health and unable to write. We re-connected with many at my mother’s funeral several years ago and I wrote to all who attended, many of whom were dear long-standing family friends. </p>
<p>If you are moving your parents or they have a significant change in situation, consider if there are any members of our generation as well as theirs who would like to know how things are going and where they are, as well as if they have died. My father appreciates updates. I wish I had reached out to some of their children years ago, just to say let’s always know how to reach each other and keep each other posted about the elders. Didn’t anticipate this well. While the internet can help with finding addresses, it is not always reliable. This year I found out that a friend of 70 years had sold her house, but I do not know where she went. Just something to think about as you go through these transitions. The re-connection with my mother’s friends was very meaningful to all.</p>
<p>Good points, travelnut. My father is still well-connected in the community but there are probably some people who don’t know where he is now. And I have a lot of cousins, some of whom I might lose touch with once their parents pass. </p>
<p>And the internet is a blessing and a curse–some relatives I correspond with only virtually…if pressed I’m not sure I could tell you where they ACTUALLY live. Need to update the old address book.</p>
<p>Have any of you had the experience of seeing people your parents’ age, who knew you when you were young, and they say, “Do you know who I am?” Um, no I don’t because I was 15 the last time I saw you and I didn’t really know you then, and man we have BOTH aged! It’s embarrassing and I would NEVER say that to someone! I hope.</p>
<p>I come here sadly to say that my dad passed away today. I knew this was coming, but it still seemed so sudden. His respiration rate had changed on Monday morning, Monday night he was coughing and by Tues morn was bringing stuff up, but I still thought it was bronchitis or pneumonia. I was not expecting the horrible drowning sounds I heard when I saw him this morning. Our hospice nurse gave him morphine and wanted us to be prepared. My husband arrived about 2 minutes before the end. Dad’s breathing suddenly slowed. He took his last breaths with me and my mom holding him. She thanked him for their life together, and for their wonderful children. Then I laid in the bed with him for a while, and then my mom took her turn. Because of the calls I’d made yesterday, I was able to feel comfortable calling the funeral home. I would not have wanted to not know who to call when the time came. </p>
<p>This is an easy date to remember - 12/12/12. And he passed just a few minutes after 12:12 pm (about 12:14). </p>
<p>I was not always super close with my parents, and for many years I felt so guilty. I also felt like I would not cry when they died. Everyone I confided that in told me I would. I’m happy to say that they were right. </p>
<p>All the kids were at a mock trial meeting after school, and we told them as a group after they got home. They are handling it OK, though the eldest now feels weird about receiving his ED decision in about 1/2 hour… It doesn’t feel OK to be happy, and he feels it could be too hard on me if he doesn’t get in. However, it would be a bright spot in the day if he gets in, and obviously I will remember this day forever, but if he doesn’t get in, the events of today will help me be able to see that where he ends up for college is really just “small stuff”.</p>
<p>The decision came at 5:53 pm. He’s IN!!! I burst into tears, as I’ve been on the verge of crying all day. My mom was the first one I called and she is sad that my dad can’t know the decision, but happy and proud of her grandson, and happy that the day was able to end on a good note.</p>
<p>What a bittersweet day for you. Hugs, prayers and also a smile for your son.</p>
<p>What a day full of so many emotions for you. My condolences on your father’s passing.
And congratuations to your son.</p>
<p>So sorry for the loss of your father, my 3bgr8boyz. </p>
<p>From what you wrote, the acceptance is something that your father would particularly have appreciated. I hope this amplifies the meaning of the opportunity. That’s been a big part of how our family keeps my mother in their hearts. We know how much the kids’ progress would mean to her and somehow, all the grandchildren have each expressed some sense of her cheering them on.</p>
<p>What a roller coaster of emotions today, my3gr8boyz! Remember to take care of yourself in the midst of everything else that’s happening.</p>
<p>Bless your heart, my3gr8boyz! Of course you burst into tears! You’ve had emotional whiplash today.</p>
<p>LVKris is right; take care of yourself. Celebrate your son even while you honor your father. Hugs to you.</p>
<p>Gratz to your son My3 and hugs re/ your dad. I like to envision your dad hovering around in spirit and knowing quite clearly his beloved grandson is in at his first choice school. I even like to imagine our loved ones adding a smidgeon of magic to the tipping scales in our favor. It’s just as likely to be true as not - we just don’t know. But there is evidence that spirit hovers around us … all the life after life books … so I chose to believe.</p>
<p>my3gr8boyz, I am so sorry for the loss of your father. May you be surrounded by loved ones to help you through these times.</p>
<p>Congratulations to your son on his college acceptance.</p>
<p>Well wishes, thoughts and prayers to you and your family in these next several weeks.</p>
<p>3gr8boys-- So sorry for your loss, but also, very strong congratulations for your son. Wishing you peace this holiday season.</p>
<p>Well, I have calmed down today - but I posted a wild rant yesterday on the “Say it here thread.” Won’t go into details, and I have already hashed it out and am ready to move on - but suffice to say - it’s amazing what can go wrong when planning a funeral. Dad’s will not be what he or I would have wanted, but when you get stuck with a young, rigid priest - who never met your loved one - sometimes it doesn’t work out so well. I am at peace - I was with dad as he took his last breath, praying with him, holding his hand as he left this world. </p>
<p>So happy for your son, 3gr8 and you. It is so good to be reminded that even in the middle of our sorrow there can be joy.</p>