<p>How guardianship can work can depend on state law. A quick online search may help. Best to you and “the boys,” somemom. </p>
<p>I think I’m going into the whirlwind pursuit of an electric hospital bed for my mother, who can’t manage getting up. We may need to rent one pronto, today. She’s willing to talk about local AL, but nothing is simple with her . Frankly, a yes/no question usually gets something long-winded and hard to follow.</p>
<p>My D2 is back to help her finish making her at look more presentable. I think I’ll go with her and see if I can do some crisis management. Thing is, a large part of my work for many years was that crisis related responsibility- it’s draining and my first rule became ‘crisis prevention.’ When someone stymies you- and, you know, when ‘the s rolls downhill’ and you’re the one standing downhill- it gets pretty frustrating. </p>
<p>i just Googled about conservatorship in FILs state, I think he could probably do well enough in a hearing to not allow it. BUt every time any one visits this year it is painful, he is so angry and nasty. I feel like we shouldn’t go back any too soon. He is miserable and makes everyone else miserable. He has a live in caregiver, she is very good. When we kids show up, it does not seem to be any help at all.</p>
<p>Wouldnt he have to first pass an eval by a healthcare professional? Those can be harder to pass, especially if he has poor judgment and impulse control.</p>
<p>Sending hugs to all those with difficult situations, especially the emotionally draining ones.</p>
<p>Praying that FIL will be the first to go, because he needs caretaker and there is not enough SS money probably after MIL’s pension is gone (don’t know if he will continue to receive some of her benefits). His father was very happy in local NH, but doubt he will be. No children live in town, closest is 1 hour away. MIL is sweet and would be pleasant to travel between our homes or live with one of her remaining siblings. She already has expressed not wanting to live alone.</p>
<p>LF, I’m sorry if I missed this, but is your mother living with you? If so, I applaud you for your strength and feel ashamed for my own whining and complaining. It sounds like you have a hard time right now, keep us posted.
xxx</p>
<p>Medicare will pay for the bed but the doc is out of the country and we don’t know how fast his back-up team will handle the “Rx.” Since local suppliers advertise 24/7 attention, I went, thinking maybe we could quick rent one in the interim. But apparently rentals need to be handled M-F, except when a doc is calling in an order. So I’ll call the the various folks tomorrow, see how fast we can do this.</p>
<p>She has her own apt. Every day, my keyboard seems to have a different letter or two stick and I guess today it was the “p” in “apt.” I could never have her live with me. </p>
<p>The medical suppliers sometimes have a relationship with a doc who can order a bed for appropriate patients. It is worth a call to check and can save your rental fees. These beds ARE expensive–we were looking into one when mom fractured her sternum but she preferred to just be propped up with pillows on an aging couch.</p>
<p>Our prescriptions just said “hospital bed” on one and “wheelchair” on the other, with the doctor’s signature. Worth asking at the medical supply company.</p>
<p>DMEs (Durable Medical Equipment) companies have a great deal of experience getting Medicare and insurance to pay for their supplies. I’d definitely give them a call. They usually have staff available 24/7 to answer phones, otherwise you can get more answers on Monday.</p>
<p>Himom and oldmom, thanks. The folks today said their local rep can manage quite a bit of this- and may even call her doc for us. I just need to get the ball rolling. One person told me Medicare needs to hear that the user needs the head of the bed elevated at least 30%. It’s more that my mother is having trouble rolling up out of bed (ok, the sofa) and now her shoulders are acting up, but I think someone will go to bat for her. </p>
<p>Not much is simple with my mother. She had been taking about needing to see the beds, test the mattresses, who said what about whatever, etc. No, you need a bed asap and you can fuss with toppers later (which why I intervened.) </p>
<p>A wonderful health aide helped me with the hospital bed hospice delivered for our loved one. The bed was saggy in the middle and I was sent out to get this <a href=“LURÖY Slatted bed base, Twin - IKEA”>LURÖY Slatted bed base, Twin - IKEA; She helped me cut the slat ties where necessary and zip tie the slats to the bed frame so the mattress was better supported.</p>
<p>I don’t know if there is time, but a good OT/PT home visit might identify other options that would help with her getting out of bed. The hospital beds are uncomfortable in my experience. </p>
<p>For the hosp bed, turns out that, in addn to the Rx and some check list, they need a doc note describing and attesting. My mother was lucky to get an appt with the doc tomorrow at 4pm (he’s back.) So assume this may be accomplished by sometime Wednesday. She insists the beds come with different firmnesses of the mattress. (Someone told her, when describing purchase options.) She likes some 22" version someone sells/rents, but is a large woman. “LF, don’t be so negative, I measured my chairs and I can fit on 22”." You can see how her detour to misc points only clouds thinking and delays action. Her “poision” is some need to make some decisions complex, in order to be satisfied. It’s part of control.</p>
<p>The good news is that the medicare bed rental companies deliver, set up, and should be willing to come back out with a different bed if the first doesn’t work for her. </p>
<p>DH & his brother just left a visit where they were told in no uncertain terms not to come together again. FIL was punitive and punishing and mean the entire visit. He told them today he did not appreciate them ganging up on him about how he lives his life.</p>
<p>The key to all this is that that was FILs fear about the visit, but neither son commented on anything unasked, neither rose to any bait, neither went with any agenda other than offering support an encouragement. So, FIL was afraid of something that never happened, but remained angry the entire visit, on edge in case they did tell him what to do! </p>
<p>SIL said it was “toxic” and they all left earlier than planned And, no, no one is going to agree to go back without the other siblings and let him get his way. Nope, not happening.</p>
And, no, no one is going to agree to go back without the other siblings and let him get his way. Nope, not happening.</p>