<p>Great stress with the payroll agency we are PAYING to do things correctly and promptly. I called in 14 days of work for caregiver, and they made the most basic stupid mistake of making the check out for 7 days. Stress all around, phone calls, and four business days later a check arrives for t he right amount. Caregiver endorses the check, sends the check to her friend in Brooklyn to deposit. But she didn’t NOTICE on the FRONT of the check my mother had to SIGN it. Barbara is sending a stand-in for two days this weekend. But she still has to retrieve the check from Citibank, return it to my town for my mother’s signature, and mail it (I guess) to Brooklyn for her friend to deposit. To get my mother to withdraw funds from Chase on her Credit Card to pay the “stand in” caregiver and loan money to the caregiver,over the phone they told me my mother herself has to appear at the bank with her credit card and photo ID. To her great credit,and I applaud her truly, my mother agreed to be ready at 9 am tomorrow to go to the bank. And I must give her great credit because she was scheduled to have a visiting nurse visit tomorrow morning, and allowed me to call and cancel this appointment with the intent of rescheduling tomorrow. She is, it seems, on the verge of collapse, but she has agreed to visit two AL places (one tomorrowl, Friday one Monday) and her shrink on Thurs. Plus the visiting nurse.</p>
<p>Curiously, over the past two weeks, she has seen her PCP, her cardiologist, and her gastroendocrinologist (sp???) and none of them has called me to comment to the effect that my mother is borderline NH material/very sick/in grave need/ etcl This concerns me. I called her PCP last the afternoon she saw him in the morning and he never called me back.</p>
<p>For myself, I have an an annoying habit of clearing my throat every 5 seconds which I thought was a nervous habit because I am an anxious person. This summer it got worse–constant dripping and clearing my throat and nose blowing–so I saw my PCP physician yesterday . After her nurse took my blood pressure, etc, she left me alone and i started to cry and cry and cry. The MD came in, very concerned to see me like that. I immediately said, everything is under control, there is no crisis, the kids are fine, but when I see a sympathetic person I crumble and cry. And I explained about my mother. She said her mother is 89 years old old and and is great burden. The MDs sister lives 12 blocks away from the mother and doesn’t work and, the MD said the sister “knows everything about medicine.” and does very little to help their mother. And my MD has an MD and a Ph.D. She took what I would call an ANTI-Freudian view about "figuring it out " and said do not let your mother impinge on your self-image/character/ego etc, but do the best you can.Do not try to “figure people out.” As for the throat clearing, I have simple sinusitis and now have a nasal spray.</p>
<p>If you have been with me so far, thank you. In closing, I must tell the most remarkable news, which I buried in a previous post. My sister emailed me on Sunday, a brief, nonchalant note. In a few words, I told her I recognized her responsibilities and burdens but I was very hurt by her silence. It was a LONG silence. She wrote back most apologetically and our relationship is restored. Will she phone our mother? I don’t know. </p>
<p>To summarize do I insist with repetition and no “negotiation” that my mother is going to an AL even if I have to force her and hire a mover to take her bed and bedroom belongings (plus a love seat from the living room)? It IS the only solution, do I reiterate patiently over and over that it is the ONLY solution?</p>