<p>LasMa, That was wonderful. I get that same sense of peace at the Golden Gate National Cemetery . We used to go to put flags on for 4th of July with the Boy Scouts and I would wander around. It IS a peaceful, healing place. Still quiet although it is beside a busy freeway.</p>
<p>I can’t help with the care dot com people. </p>
<p>Can anyone explain the difference between Assisted Living and Memory Care units? Mom’s AL place is building a Memory Care unit. From what they describe, it would be good for her to move. But the only memory care place I have seen is the other facility in town where it is more for lock down to keep the people from wandering off, NOT to give them more support and engagement for keeping what is left of their memories going. Mom has been spending lots more time in bed lately, although she does seem to finally be happy at the AL place. I wouldn’t want to move her for nothing. The place won’t be finished now until Spring so no immediate decision required.</p>
<p>I, too, found it so meaningful. Thanks, LaMa. Best wishes to you and your mom.</p>
<p>I just had a call from my favorite former neighbor, back to when I was a little girl and played with her kids. She calls her residence a “care center,” though she doesn’t need much help. I believe she chose it, years ago, because her husband needed the skilled nursing facility, which was part of the same complex. </p>
<p>I wanted to share that she said one of the great advantages to her, is that she can have her meals with others, rather than alone. She pointed out that the food isn’t always so special, but said, “that’s the same as when you cook for yourself.” Good point. She spends winters in FL, is getting ready for a road trip (at 82) and hopes to see my mother on her swing back. </p>
<p>Esobay- While ALs vary a lot in what is offered, as do memory care units (which exist at both the AL and SNF(NH) level, I can take a stab at your question. My father left an AL with a robust built-in medical component to move to a Skilled Nursing level memory care unit on the same premises. The memory care facility has been excellent for him and though it is locked to prevent wandering for some higher needs residents, the atmosphere is not one of confinement and behavior management at all. Yes, there are people there who can’t speak or don’t make full sense when they do, but there are many others who, like my father, have virtually no short term memory left at 90, though they continue to recognize family and participate in conversations appropriately and with humor. The key is that the place be engaging and full of options, not passive medically only focussed care. </p>
<p>Here’s why I moved him two years ago: when his dear friend left AL for memory care and their long established meal time and activity routine was disrupted, it became clear that he could no longer make arrangements for dinner and a social life. The AL was not equipped to help him set up plans with others and he could never have kept track of plans or activities on campus. It was taking him a lot of energy to do his routines as his memory declined. I knew he would become isolated without structured support, despite his affable and outgoing temperament. The memory care unit has built-in activities all day long, with prompting to attend, but room to opt out if one wishes. He is able to enjoy social interactions, play a little bingo, do a sing-a-long, etc. The staff ratio at this level of care allows for medical monitoring of whatever may come up and we have the peace of mind that he is there for life, with no waiting for the other shoe to drop, creating a need to move him in a crisis and risking that there is no memory care bed available. Additionally, the staff has expertise in memory issues and is quite adept at work arounds for those who need them, as well as dedicated. When my father moved, he was with it enough to know that the unit was for people with cognitive issues and I had to talk him through the fact that just like his AL where some used power chairs and some walked, this unit was there to help each person as individuals. He would get his needs met, others would have theirs met. Repeated 100 times in 2 weeks. Neither of us has ever looked back and his needs, as well as his deficits have increased in the last 2 years. Total peace of mind. Feel free to pose specific questions. I couldn’t be happier for my father. </p>
<p>Thanks a lot travelnut. That is exactly where my mom is, still liking to be around people and feel active, but not able to keep it in mind to get it done. She kind of withdrew from her clubs because she knows she has forgotten a lot of people. They would come get her and take her to meetings, but she always makes an excuse not to go. Over the year, they have stopped asking. But she enjoys “the movies” where they play oldies in a little theater in her building. And she has the company to sit and eat with. I think she needs a little more reminding than she is getting but so far it is really OK. But if the Memory care lives up to its ads, I think she would be better moved. I don’t like her to stay in and sleep quiet so much, although she gets up and dresses nicely (in dirty clothes sometimes) every day. </p>
<p>Thanks for your kind replies, everyone. When i saw Mom this morning, she suggested we visit the cemetery once a month, so we have a standing date now the first Saturday of each month. :-)</p>
<p>Interesting to hear how Memory Care is handled at different places. I don’t know exactly what the criteria are at our place. I know there was one case of an AL resident who was wandering into other people’s apartments, and another where the resident was leaving the building. Mere memory loss alone doesn’t seem to do it; it seems like they have to be bothering others or endangering themselves. From the little contact I’ve had, they seem to be very far gone in dementia.</p>
<p>My MIL made two very close friends at her AL, who were 5-7 years younger. The three were like teens, doing everything together (up to their limits,) what seemed to be a smooth process. It seemed ideal, since my MIL was a very social creature… Then the other two decided to move closer to their families when two new places opened. These ladies came to us and said we didn’t realize how much they routinely had to remind MIL of- eg, she wasn’t aware of meal times and didn’t process that various events were available, unless they told her and came to knock on her door. (Those social skills masked the extent of her decline.) </p>
<p>At that point, ‘memory care’ was still evolving and was really for the most disabled. Today, there’s a middle ground option with some memory care set-ups. They can get the personal attention (personal interaction from caregivers,) shepherding to activities, the structure they need. You need to see what the plan or intention is, what the right options are. Maybe it’s paying for closer attention from the facility- getting them to/from meals and activities, before the actual memory unit. Best wishes.</p>
<p>Interesting to hear how nuanced the different experiences with memory loss can be. Eso- so similar to my father’s situation. I didn’t want the isolation to become entrenched either. I think that if a change is on the horizon sooner rather than later can be advantageous, as frequently our relatives are struggling more than we think and making the transition with more underneath you can be better. Also, the presence of more impaired people may reduce our comfort with the move, even though the care in many places covers all bases well and they too would benefit in there own way. </p>
<p>My mother was in memory AL 1.5. Yrs ago for one month . Way too far in dementia, people wandering in rooms. Went home one year with daily help, too confused, then had an ‘event UTI’ now in assisted living regular type with meds and shower assistance . Much much better for now. Her confusion improved with the organized day.</p>
<p>rockymt, that’s a good point about the organized day. Dad was always at sea whenever there was any change in the routine. His pain level increased, his propensity for falling increased, his memory loss was much worse (or at least, more evident), his mood took a nosedive. For some reason, Mom isn’t bothered by it; in fact, she likes a change! But she’s always been that way. Adventure is preferable to routine, always has been. Of course, these days, “adventure” means going to B&BW. </p>
<p>rockymtn-glad your mother is doing better now. Such a range of facilities and approaches, it can be confusing to research and discuss. Some places do better at handling a range of needs with dignity and appropriate care for all residents. They minimize the impact of potentially disruptive or upsetting moments on others, while simultaneously making sure that those with the greatest needs are well tended and not isolated. Lots goes into making these environments work well. </p>
<p>LasMa- Help me- B&BW? So true about individual differences. Routine can help many, yet as you say, some find it boring. I tend to view a certain amount of routine as the foundation for more creative or adventurous moments, if one is capable of them. Just like I did when raising kids…</p>
<p>Dharmawheel- how is it going? Thinking of you. </p>
<p>travelnut, it’s Bath & Body Works. She likes the hand soaps, so we’ll go all around the store, testing each one of the 40 flavors they have. I know by now what she likes, so I could be in and out in 3 minutes, but it’s a lot of fun for her to do all that testing every time. It’s also a pretty, brightly-colored place so it’s a visual treat as well. </p>
<p>Lasma- that is a great story. Your mother is lucky to have you and your patience. My mother spent her last 2 years living near me for the first time in 30 years. She was frail, ill and in a wheelchair, but she loved our shopping trips so much. I know just what you mean. It was about the process of being out and enjoying new input. I wore out my shoulders pushing her chair with incorrect purse management technique, but would not trade it for anything. She even tried on such practical items as ballet slippers, when all she could wear were sneakers. But we had to try! Unlike my father, who has been content to stay in, she really wanted to get out and explore. Challenging though they were, I miss those expeditions now. </p>
<p>travelnut, my mom only uses a walker. I’m not at all sure we’d do weekly outings with a wheelchair. That’s orders of magnitude more difficult and complicated!</p>
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